How do you deliver provision when a child doesn't want to be different?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

That's it really. DS is 9 with AS. Increasingly doesn't want to be made to look different and resents interventions but I don't want this to mean that his needs are overlooked or his provision is not delivered as it is too challenging to do this effectively.

School want to make sure he is in the class all as he is well-integrated. DS doesn't want TA to help him. Yet, there have been numerous incidents which demonstrate his lack of understanding and the need to work on underlying skills.

His statement requires this but how do you achieve it if he doesn't want to leave the class?

My ds who is 6 doesn't like to be seen as being different. For some work his teacher has organised small groups and he hasn't yet noticed that he is the common attendee! Playtime is hard as he hates having a midday supervisor but needs help, so she's having to try to be really discrete. For some of his work he has been pursuaded by being able to 'help' someone else - this has allowed the TA to work more closely with him. Such independence is hard to deal with when you see it's becoming another hurdle to overcome.

This is one of the reasons I love Dd3's school, there are Dc's coming and going all the time.

Because it has an resource base attached there are loads of one to ones around and additional teaching staff.

Dd3 doesnt feel singled out at all now, at her old school she wouldnt have anything to do with people coming in to work with her and she got really angry with me if I said someone was going in to see her.

It is really hard isnt it.

It is hard especially now he is getting older as I think working on things outside the class is much easier when they are younger.

It's difficult isn't it. DS went from being very possessive over his 1:1 at Primary school to not wanting them to be anywhere near him in Secondary school after Yr 7.
It was easier with my DS as academically he doesn't need help, it is just his behaviour than needs 'jumping' on from time to time, so the deal with him was "behave appropriately and the TA won't come anywhere near you". Even that took some time to filter through to some TAs, who saw it as there duty to 'man-mark' DS and even came into class sometimes and announced to the teacher in a loud voice "I'm here to work with Littlebluebus". This really riled DS and the effect of being 'marked' by a TA was that he saw them as a challenge and would play up rather than behave himself.
He also didn't want to take part in any of the Social skills/Asdan sessions that they put on, as most of the other children on them were also 'academically challenged" and he did not identify himself with them. He was glad when his GCSE timetable meant that he could not be taken out of lessons.
In Primary school, the TA would take a small group of children out of class and work on a specific things as there was usually of group of children who were struggling, but who didn't have a TA of their own. This meant that DS was practicing his social skills in a group at the same time as working on the specific theme.

Ds battles with wanting to be the same which I am glad about as it shows me he now has a determination to try and stick the class out longer but his sensory issues force him to retire to his workstation. It's not obvious though as each glass has its own art area and every child leaves the class now to have 1 on 1 reading in that area or a spelling test etc so it feels that as everyone does it that's ok.

jobs are shared for social skills in small mixed groups so its not obvious ds is being singled out iyswim.

This school is of the opinion that every child needs "brain breaks" as they call it. so the stop and do vestibular excercises throughout the day and incorporated a lot that was recommended by the OT for all the children :)

so ds is still the same as both nt and an are doing the same stuff :)

Thanks for this. I think it is all about careful management and coff your school seem to have the right approach.

Bigbluebus, your DS sounds very similar. DS is doing well academically but he can go off on a tangent and sometimes he reports getting very stressed because he didn't follow what was going on. It can be hard to ask for clarification if you don't know you what you don't know iykwim!

He also found himself in a social skills group with children who he thought were struggling academically and that made him think everyone thought he was too so he felt embarrassed.

I have tried to identify times in the timetable where he might actually like to be withdrawn! But getting external agencies to focus on delivering provision which helps the specific child rather than the usual old crap they send to every school is very hard.

I think this is the most difficult area to deal with because they need support but don't want to be different.
We haven't found a way round it my Ds is 12yrs now in ms school and he does not want peers to know about Dx but that makes him even more anxious because he is always making excuses or pretending everything is fine. It sounds better at specialist schools where everyone is getting extra help its more accepted then.

Polter that sounds like it is really working well for you. It is much harder when the TA doesn't necessarily have those skills. I am trying to teach as I go and I can use experiences like this as an example. Working on social skills in an academic group setting is a very good idea.

I'm like this

I never had a statement, as they said it would disable me more, but I was very wary of them trying to do anything that would make me stand out.

I used to be forced to have one of those writing slants to improve my handwriting, I hated it! It was agreed that if I worked with a 1:1, one day a week to improve my handwriting, then I could stop using it. I agreed - the thing stuck out like a sore thumb! For me, it was easier to have my teacher explain why I left class at x time for an hour (it was in year 4 this happened).

Then there was the argument with the university DSA assessor who wanted me to have a note taker for the first time ever. I won that one and did just fine on my own - got a 2:2 :)

Some things did really help though - brightly coloured netballs and specially shaped rounders bats - but it was all when I was older, and it was on my terms :)

Yeah, I was probably a pain in the bum at school!

Thanks Lollipop. That is really useful insight. I totally want to involve DS and I understand the difficulties. There's no point making things worse but kid think immediately and us parents think long term!! I'm sure there's a compromise to be had!

Given that schools should be looking for ways to stretch their more able pupils as well as those who struggle academically, there should be no reason why at least some of ds' withdrawal sessions take place within a group of very academically able peers. I think this would be a good thing all round as withdrawal isn't then seen by the class in general as something exclusively associated with having a problem or rather it is normalised that learning should be differentiated for everyone as we all have different learning styles and strengths and weaknesses.

We've experienced both types of social skills groups: those where you have a mix of those who struggle socially and socially able peers as models and those with all strugglers. Only the first was any use.

This is the exact problem i'm now having with me DS. I am running out of ideas and need to watch this thread with interest.

It's so hard for our dc's who are completely aware of their difficulties and/or differences yet my dd is so oblivious and hasn't got a clue - Not sure which way i'd rather them be and tbh they are who they are and I think schools need to adapt their ways, rather then them expecting the children to change.

We've had this too.

DS (AS, now in 6th form) is very articulate by now, and when asked at his statement review what support HE wanted, he was quite clear that he wanted someone to sit in on lessons, take notes, and then be there afterwards so he could check his own notes of homework and so forth against theirs.

What he really didn't want was a minder sitting next to him and distracting him from his own pace of working. He also wanted it to be his choice whether new classmates knew that he had anything different about him.

It works brilliantly. If he hasn't understood, the TA does the go-between bit of organising a time for catch-up with the teacher, or checking what was really meant, as that's where DS still struggles. They also grab him for general organising sessions and do some in-school smoothing over of homework disasters, so that the less sympathetic staff don't accidentally set off a meltdown. I think, reading between the lines, that occasionally there's been a manufactured reason ('Mr X said he could do with a word with DS around now, Miss Bloggs...') to remove him from situations where he's looked likely to blow.

If only working life was likely to be like this.