I think I'm being petty..

[neverputasockinatoaster]

but needs must.

Last week DS had a shitty week at school and it came out that he was being bullied by one particular boy in his class. (With others adding their contributions..)

I told DS that EVERY time this child is unpleasant or rude then he has to tell an adult.

Incident was Tuesday. Saw HT on Wednesday and he was really supportive - he would ensure it stops etc etc.

Thursday - said boy called DS a loser. DS told Dinner lady. Dinner lady said she'd 'keep an eye on him'

Friday - said boy called DS Mr Angry Pants - same reaction from dinner lady.

Today - DS was in trouble for grabbing said boy by the arm. This was after said boy teased him. DS said there was no point telling a dinner lady....

Now - obvioulsy the sanctions imposed on bullying child are not effective and I am doubting that the dinner ladies are actually passing on what DS is telling them.

Is it really petty of me to keep a log of these incidents and rock up to school at the end of the week to make sure they've logged them too so they are seeing the full picture? I know it seems like only one silly little thing - loser, angry pants etc BUT it is everyday and I don't believe the dinner ladies are logging it. If there was a log that showed the true extent of this then maybe they'd find a stronger sanction? Also DS regards this as part and parcel of his day - he will only tell me if I ask directly and I don't want to be seen to be 'leading him'.

Arse.

Not petty at all. It's the little chips day after day that will add up. In isolation it may not seem a lot but why should your DS put up with it?

Keep a log & take it to the school. They need to tackle this before the other child starts to believe this behaviour is acceptable.

Good luck x

No it's not petty of you, it's necessary. Unless something is done, this could escalate to the point where ds will seriously retaliate. I would do exactly what you're doing. Sounds like it has to be reiterated to them how this works, and how this is different from 'normal' bullying where both children are on a level playing field.

How old are they?

You don't have to explain to school how you know about this btw (if you think that there's a danger they might think you're 'leading' ds), just say ds has told you, you don't have to tell them you've asked him.

Thing is that DS HAS retaliated in a serious way - he inflicted some nasty scratches to 2 boys on Tuesday.

They are all year 3 - DS is 8 but I think the other boy is still 7.

Thanks. Will dig out a notebook and jot it all down.

It's not petty at all, you're protecting your child.

As well as the bullying, you need to log the dinner ladies' action or inaction rather.

The HT needs to have it reinforced that they're not dealing with the bullying properly.

I bet that the lunch time supervisors haven't been told by the HT what's going on. The 'I'll keep an eye on it,' comment is almost exactly what I'd say (lunchtime supervisor in my spare time, ) to a child if I thought an incident was a one off. Letting both sides know 'I was keeping an eye on it' is usually enough to stop things escalating. If there are lots of lunchtime supervisors they may not be seeing a pattern of behaviour. Find out if there is a behaviour communication book or some system to pass on concerns to all the supervisors. I wonder if your DS told the same supervisor each time. They are often only there for the hour and don't get the whole picture.

I'd request that all lunch time staff are made aware of the potential difficulties being faced by your ds so that he can be supported appropriately. No child can be expected to tolerate constant niggling/taunts from their peers. You're right - it needs to be sorted.

No you are not being petty at all you are merely safeguarding your DS.

I would keep a log. Then I would email the HT with a typed up history of your log on a weekly/monthly basis just to keep him in the picture.

If your ds retaliates then there is no excuse if he wasnt protected in the first place.

This other child needs to know his actions are not acceptable. The school is failing both the boys really.

No,you're not being petty. I've had a similar situation. Boy digging at ds all morning and TA's not communicating the issue between themselves. There was nothing said at handover to enable the latest TA to be aware of the situation. Ds finally had enough and retaliated only to get excluded - the other boy got a short detention. School would not have it that they were in any way responsible or that the whole incident could have been avoided.
If you make school aware that you are logging these incidents they may be a bit more inclined to take action. Sad that you have to do that to protect your ds.

forgive me but I can't remember the details of your DS's needs.
When my DS was being bullied I found that this book called perfect targets was good for helping me get the school to focus on doing something.
I kept a log too. I was requested by school in the end to e-mail the CT and HT each time there was an incident, as by going into the school with my original list of incidents and asking them to compare it to theirs I found that their recording of things was not joined up and each member of staff keeps a log of things that they deal with but in no way is that connected to the children involved.
You might find that this is the case in your DS's school too, but you will need to ask as I doubt that they would offer that sort of information.
Have you seen their anti-bullying policy?
Are they following it consistently and completely?
Have you asked what happens when the anti-bullying policy fails to work?

Hopefully it won't come to that but it is something to bear in mind when you are trying to get them to focus.

Hi everyone and thanks for the support!

Our lovely admin person found me a spare 2012/13 diary in the cupboard so I began the lof today but backdated it to last week.

I'm using initials just in case the diary goes missing- but I know who they are IYSWIM.

DS has an ASD - His paed said under old diagnostic criteria would be Asperger's but she went with the new criteria and gave ASD as a diagnosis.

We have jsut taken delivery of 'What to do when your temper flares' and I have Bullies, Big mouths and so called friends on the way too but I like the look of the book upthread too - next pay day I think!

Re the response of the dinner lady - I totally understand it in 'normal' circumstances. I teach and it is a comment I would say to kids if I didn't have any knowledge of an underlying problem. However, I was told that all the dinner ladies knew the situation so I'm thinking that actually they don't!

Will carry on logging it and working with DS on walking away and telling an adult.... he gets it when we chat but cannot put it into practise.

Ah well - onward and upward!