any ideas?

[lentilbake]

DS 1 is 5 and since he was 2 has needed a lot of attention, eg after playing with him 2 hours if I go to do something else he will scream and say I haven't played with him. I don't spoil him but you would think I have been, as if you don'te give him what he wants or give him something immediately he has a tantrum, which will involve him saying he wants everyone to be killed, screaming, and throwing things, kicking and biting. He has caused head injuries etc from hitting with large objects and throwing things at people.

At school he isn't aggressive or disruptive but is slow with his learning and may cry easily eg if he can't get a pen lid on, I have noticed him in class (at sessions where children are allowed n) staring into space so he seems to not be very attentive which may be why he is behind a bit?

I have had hishearing checked as he often seems to not hear what is being said but hearing is fine so maybe this is an inattentive thing like when he is staring into space at school.

He is the last one to sleep at night, although its hard for the others to sleep too as he runs around screaming when they are trying to settle. He runs off when out today, closing and opening gates, knocking on doors, scratching cars, pushing me and sblings into the road etc. He runs around touching evrything at fun days and the shops, and just wont stop. When he hurts someone he laughs when he sees them bleed or hears them cry or scream.

Yesterday I caught him dialling 999 and he put it down as they answered. I am afraid to even go to the toilet as i don't know what he will do while I am out of the room.

He will cut his sisters pictures they ahev drawn, rip his own pictures up, draw all over his new clotehs with felt tip, deliberately wee in inappropriate places, chase his siblings with scissors, throw his food on the floor and smash toys,.

I try and give him lots of quality time, but its like the more he has the more he wants and the lesss satisfied he is, i give loads of praise when he is good, and ignore the more minor bad behaviour but usually is too bad to ignore, i try to avoid shouting but ist hard!

I think he has some special needs that need addressing, other than the learning delay, but noone else acknowledges it so wont do anything like referring him to paediatrician or psychologist

Certainly sounds like some kind of SN. Maybe ADHD ?

Why won't the GP refer you to the paed? What has she said?

dr referred to PCAMHS who said i needed a parenting course instead (which i ahve already done) so wouldnt take him on. School referred again when he got worse but again they refused to become involved.

The health visitor referred DD to the paed. Could you ask yours about it?

Unfortunately it is absolutely standard to refer parents to a parenting course rather than help them.

It's been done to almost all of us on this board.

You need to ask again. And again. And again :(

Change GPs if you have to......

SENCO said it was standard even though she put on referral form that i had done one already. he was reluctant to refer him as she said he is fine in school, behaviour and attendance good. It was the HV that I asked first, about 5 times but I fdon't have any involvement with ehr now all children are at school. I think I may ahve to change GP

The other thing you can do is research ADHD properly, and if you think he has that then work out what you want to do about it.

Unless you want Ritalin you don't need a diagnosis.

What I mean is there's loads and loads and loads of stuff you can do to help whether or not you have a diagnosis

eg:

• Diet
• Supplements
• Neurodevelopment therapies

And much more. None of which a dx will help you with either.

Wow, ok. You must feel like you're living on a knife edge. Been there

Firstly, practical things. Does he share a bedroom with his siblings? If not, can you try a separate bed time, so that they can settle and you can deal with him?

Secondly, chasing with scissors....sounds like all scissors need to be up out of reach. It's really hard when our children aren't developmentally matching their age. One thing that can diffuse the throwing, etc., is if there really isn't anything to throw! Or at least, that whatever there is won't hurt.

I would say: No pens, no scissors, no...anything, without supervision, until he can show that he can be responsible, for a start.

Can you start keeping an ABC (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) chart? Write down each incident - what happened just before, what he did, what you did after, how long it took him to calm down, etc. You might be able to see a pattern. Also, it is good evidence for professionals.

Hello I am not an expert BUT (long post alert!!)

On the one hand; Our Dc develop at different rates...One child may be able to regulate their emotions a lot earlier than the next. Some may prefer adult interaction if they have spent more time with adults from a young age. Small children have a tendency to have "selective hearing" most of the time its a)because they are not interested or b) they are busy. Proffesionals are beginning to hold off on handing out Dx's until a child has had time to mature there are so many factors which can change a childs behaviour even something as simple as moving house or lack of sleep. Your Ds may be bright..and bored!

My Ds is currently being assessed for ASD (not due to my own concerns..long story!) he has above average verbal comprehension, superior perceptual reasoning, which after reading up on would explain to me why he sits day dreaming or noticing the things that others don't, but average working memory and below average processing speed. I was once told his brain was similar to a sports car in a traffic jam, it has the ability but its full potential is being hindered by the traffic.

On the other hand; I agree with what others have already posted, write down EVERYTHING. Before, during, after his tantrums. What he is like before school after school my Dnephew 4.5 is currently working with camhs pre-school ADHD programme (he displays characteristics but no dx due to his age,a parenting course in disguise ). They suggested my Dsister (who has been on 2 parenting course BTW, and actively used all the strategies which didn't make a difference at all) write down what he is like from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed where possible and one of the things she noted was that when he enters school it is as though a wall goes up behind him and he shuts off from her and vice versa when he is leaving school. On his way to school he is calm holds her hand but when leaving school thats when his behaviour seriously deteriorates he runs off into the road, lashes out constantly wants her attention etc yet the school say that he is really well behaved.

On the school side (this may sound harsh but if they are not seeing what you do I don't think you wll get much support) leave it be...wait until he is 6+ and the work becomes more demanding, he has to sit for longer periods of time etc and keep a close eye on his progress. This may be when they start to see a change. Keep a hold of all his school reports you will be suprised how often the same difficulty re-occurs on the reports. Go on the parenting course (so in future you can say I have done A+B+C TWICE which didn't help). Any conversations that the teacher may have with you (you know those "can I have a quick word" moments) jott it down, at the end of the day the more info you have to back yourself up the better.