12yo ds and personal hygiene support...wwyd?

[MrsShrek3]

we need to supervise him in the shower (or bathroom gets flooded, no shampoo or whole bottle, you get the idea) and he also needs help with wiping after a poo. Now he's in high school and otherwise a quite articulate (if disorganized) young lad, this is starting to feel a bit too far.
and yes, I've spent hours teaching him the skills, schedules, list, all sorts. but its just wrong to need your mum to check you've not wiped your bum, or am i being too concerned?

We have the same here Mrs S, with the exception of the checking of the rear!

Though we do have to ration loo roll or else he will block the loo, school have had to deal with this numerous times now as they are unable to supervise quantities as we do. We've had toothpaste disappear miraculously, namely down the sink or in his mouth.

Its tiring and draining, I don't have any answers but you are by no means alone.

DS1 is 13yrs now by the way, should have said that straight off really!!!

Hi my son is also 13 can't wipe properly and needs supervised in bath etc.

It's difficult, I supply him with flush able wet wipes and I bought travel size shampoo bottles so I can measure out what he needs, keep the large bottles in cupboard.

It is hard as my son is fully aware and gets embarrassed.

Oh I run his bath for him, showers are out, and give him the travel size bottles, he then gets out bath puts towel on and I wash his hair again,
Toileting I still have to check he's clean still trying to find a solution, wipes help but not perfect.

We have these problems with DS2 (10) so watching this with interest for helpful tips.

thank you all for posting, it really is a help to know we're not alone...its not easy tho.

he's not embarrassed (so far) we have managed to convey to him that this is in the realms of normality - he has a younger brother and sister who do need some supervision too (young NT) but in ds2s case he's wanting more privacy and ds1 is sort of trying to imitate iyswim. however he knows his skin gets sore if he doesn't clean properly after using the toilet -he's also using wet wipes - so still prefers to check. I just don't feel that me doing it for/with him can go on for a lot longer....and as for the puddles on the bathroom floor, household safety risk!!

My OT suggested placing a mirror behind the toilet so they can check for themselves. Works a bit.

DS1 is 12 next week and personal hygiene is a problem as is the state he leaves the bathroom/toilet in. I find the toddler wipes the best as some others are too wet and do cause dry skin. The toddler ones are tougher though so you do have to ration them otherwise blockages occur.

Visual cues stuck to the bathroom walls have worked better with DS2 and he enjoys religiously sticking to them but DS1 was not happy with them because they missed out some steps, and our toilet looks different, and our sink and taps look different so he drew his own horribly graphic (with colour) visual cues - but he still doesn't follow them. He never used the toilets at school. It is frustrating because I know it can be better - in his last year of primary school he went on a 4 day residential break and the pressure of wanting to pass as normal with his peers meant that he copied their hygiene routines.

Have you tried social stories? There may not be a relevant generic one (unless the child is young and american) but you could always write your own involving DS depending what the issue is (inadequate wiping/inability to 'feel' whether they are clean without a visual check etc).

DS2 (13, ASD, in MS school) still needs supervision in the bath and to wash his hair. Luckily he doesn't like showers, so that makes things easier. he's not at all body conscious yet, but I make a point of looking away when he gets out.

The toddler wipes work fairly well for wiping, but he must first wipe with normal paper then use just one wipe to finish off, or block the toilet. He's quite rule bound, so that works well. He just never poos at school! Pants are often very skiddy, I keep thinking it will get better one day...

My DS has all of the above problems.

Any idea at what age do they start grooming themselves? Oh, please don't tell me never!!

Bidet?