Ds1 Asd. Pregnant with dc2. Can't stop worrying

[Timepasses]

We are still waiting on diagnosis for ds1 2.9 but I have no doubt he is on the spectrum. Just found out I am pregnant and worrying already about our future. Will dc2 also be ASD? Trying to be happy but can't stop crying.

It is unlikely they will also be ASD, although I don't know that much about the stats. What I would say is that my DS was showing signs of ASD at two when his little sister was born, later diagnosed with AS. Having a sibling has been the best possible aid to his developing social skills, I am convinced he would be struggling far more in life without her. Having a younger sibling is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him. They are 8 and 6 now.

We have DS1, DD, DS2, and DS3. DS2 has ASD/ADHD (along with other stuff). We didn't know specifically that DS2 had SNs when we were pregnant with DS3, although we suspected something was up, as he was developmentally delayed (and we were being constantly fobbed off by GPs).

Ironically, during the pregnancy with DS3, we were more worried about DS3, as the tests gave us a huge huge risk ratio for DS3 to have Down Syndrome. So we were more focused on trying to learn about that just in case (we didn't have the amnio that the midwife pushed us to get, as we'd had a number of miscarriages and were not willing to risk losing another baby).

I won't tell you to stop worrying, as we all know you won't. Worrying about it excessively will not help anything. As it is, I suspect you will be hypervigilant about watching for the developmental stages and milestones with your second child, much like we were with DS3.

Your post handmade me feel a little better. My mind is in overdrive at the minute. Still can't believe I am pregnant. Still early days though.

I was like you when I was pregnant with Dd2, Dd1 was 6 and somedays unmanageable. I found her really hard work. She was being assessed for ADHD but I think she has aspergers. She has no diagnosis.

I used to have moments of panic that Dd2 would be as hard and I would wonder if I was mad to do it again!

However, they are like polar opposites. Dd2 is pretty much nocturnal, she always has been. She is so layed back she is virtually horizontal. She can be lippy but is funny and very very sociable.

Dd2 is still hyper and still pinging from one disaster to another. She is at uni now but has had a couple of good jobs and she has a flat and a little one of her own. She is still very hard work.

They are 24 and 17 now and they get on so well.

I hope all goes well with your number 2 and I am not going to tell you about my number 3. LOL

Sorry that should have said Dd1 is still hyper and .......

It will be ok. Incredibly hard work, push you right up to the absolute limits, but ok. In some ways a dc2 distracted me from the grief of the pfb having issues, which let me get on and deal with them better.

The newborn and toddler bit is sort of like having twins in some ways. I found that a really good sling was essential. In hindsight, I'd have later on got a heavy duty double buggy (NOT side by side) that we could have used to age 5.

The odds on another asd dc vary depending who you talk to. Traits ('broader phenotype') are very common, full on severe classic autism less so. There's a research project at Birkbeck called Babysibs and some other similar things around the country.

I am in your shoes, DS dx with Aspergers syndrome, dsd dx with Rett syndrome and is severely disabled and we've one on the way.I've spent the past 4 months worrying about this little one.

PS Immediately accept any (and every) little bit of help you can. There may not be very much on offer, so keep asking. Practically speaking, an OT knows the most about things like larger size reins, things on the door that go be-beep if they try & escape, etc. Make sure the nursery free 15h/week is set up before the maternity period.

Given how important the first years are, you'll save the state a fortune in the long run if you apply for DLA now. Get this and use the money for a cleaner so you can spend that exhausting housework time wisely eg playing with ds1, or sleeping . this will benefit the whole family

Took me a while to realise there are no prizes for martyrdom

Oh catching . are you getting any help?

It's because your Ds' issues are unknown and the unknown is scary. I was lucky in that I wasn't aware of Ds' ASD when dd was born. We were going to stop at 2 but after seeing how amazing dd was for Ds' development and how they adored each other it felt right to have DS2.

Also, we knew by then what we were dealing with with Ds and I was no longer scared of ASD, or any disability (well, obviously nervous) and my confidence in dealing with it had grown.

Catching, do you have any meaningful support?

No nothing really for this pregnancy. The midwives didn't even know what RS was and we had to explain it to them. I've researched the risks to siblings of RS and found that male siblings often don't survive after birth with most ending in miscarriage. We had a miscarriage a fortnight before falling pregnant again which only makes me more worried.

How old are your others?

They are both 6, they're unrelated. Both DS and dsd are from previous relationships although dp and I have been together since they were both babies so we've always been in both their lives if that makes sense?

Thanks again for taking time to post. Ds1 us still not talking but understands lots so that's made me feel more positive. He is a very happy relaxed child. I would like a crystal ball to see what the future holds.

Having a younger sibling has stopped my ds1 from descending into silent non communication. And although ds2 is a bad tempered little sod, he is also the delight of my days, and proof positive of ds1's asd, because he has developed normally and well, and I can put on silly voices and play with puppets without being punched.

DD is speech delayed and there's an awful lot of muttering about ASD when we see therapists. Not being assessed currently (because we refused). DS was born when DD was eighteen months old. She basically ignored him from birth until about a month ago when she suddenly decided he was the best thing ever. Now they play, talk, imitate each other, ask for each other, feed each other. It's adorable. DS is always being held up to me as a paragon of a NT child, as compared to my 'abnormally developing' DD, but he is also a bit speech delayed. Only two or three real words and only just said 'mummy' at 21 months. I worry that if DD does have an ASD that maybe DS will have a regression, but I try not to think about it.