DS1 (7) has severe ASD and is only just starting to talk. His level of comprehension is very low and struggles to understand simple instructions without visual cues or routines. Ds2 is 3.7 and clearly doesn't have autism. He can be quite hard work. He is also lovely and affectionate and can be very well behaved, smart and very funny. He is very controlling-he must have this amount of cereal, in this plate, with this spoon.
He shows less empathy than his sister who is over a year and a half younger. He often drags his toddler sister around or pushes her over. He refuses to get dressed everyday and if asked to do something he pretends he doesn't hear or says that he just has to do something. He goes to nursery part time although he plays alongside other children he doesn't play with them. He loves to play trains (and is a little obsessive about them)and often wants me to join in but tells me exactly what my character must do or say and I shouldnt deviate from this.
He seems to think of himself as an adult and will help himself to things in the fridge despite being told he is not allowed. He often issues instructions to his brother and sister as if he is in charge. He has never been upset about being told off, just not getting his way.
I am not a walkover and I will often say that he has to have the 'wrong' item and not engage. He doesn't tantrum but will sometimes cry or misbehave if he doesn't get his own way.
He settled well in nursery but will sometimes say he doesn't want to go no tears and seems happy enough when he is there. If asked why he will say somewhere else he wants to go to. He also refuses to go the toilet despite being trained for over a year, saying he doesn't need to go or he is too busy.
He can also sometimes say he is being someone else and will imitate their behaviour. He is quick thinking and can be manipulative.
I know some of this is normal behaviour for a 3 year old but as a whole I have been a bit worried about whether it might be more. Reading about PDA it seems to fit the bill.