Why do stupid things hurt so much?

[WilsonFrickett]

DS hasn't been invited to a party. The little girl seems lovely, I chat to the mum at the gate loads, I don't know if its a whole class party or not (they don't seem the type to be that horrible) but whatever, DS has just been crying for half an hour because everyones been talking about a Treasure Hunt party that he's not getting to go to. And now I'm crying so hard I can hardly see. Why am I letting something like this get to me?

because you love him - and I have done the same, sometimes life is just shit isn't it? Your poor little man. We're sending you love and hugs - I'm sure someone will be along with something more constructive, but we do know how horrible this feels xx

Ds came running in during the summer saying he was invited to this girls party and she was having a picnic in the garden but they forgot the cakes. Silly me took it that it was two girls having a tea party on the grass and gave him a carrier with some cakes and some lollies for them. 45 mins later he was spotted going past my window still with this carrier.

Followed him round to find out it was an actual birthday and they played a hoax on him. Ds was sitting on the grass of their garden waiting for the girls to come out :(

it's horrid Wilson big hugs to you x

Oh Coff!

I hate this shit. I hate that DS has this life.

DS once lost an invite down the back of his book drawer. So we did the whole traumatic unwanted-upset thing, and it wasn't true. Is genuinely happening quite often now though

Mine never got invited to parties, and he just accepted it in the same way that he accepted not having friends.
But life is so much better as a teenager, when they organise their own jaunts and he has got a friendship circle now he's at college. They do pizza and bowling and cinema trips at the drop of a hat and with no excluding or social expectations of what should be said. They are much more tolerant when not conditioned by parents.

Do you know Nebulous, I think that's what I'm so upset about. This family are new to the area and I thought they were so nice. I've made a big point of welcoming them, always chat, even gave some of DS old baby kit to their newborn. Their DD is allowed to be thoughtless and leave a couple of people out of her invitation list, but they shouldn't have let her. I didn't think they were the kind of people who would.

The other thing is it's the first time he's been upset about being left out. Partly because I'm pushing him to name his feelings and talk about how he feels more, partly because he's becoming more aware of what's going on around him. Both good things I s'pose.

Sorry, I feel that I'm snipping back at everyone who is offering me support, sorry.

No, one of the saddest things DS said to me last year was that it was easier when he didn't have friends, because when they weren't around he didn't care.
Now he misses them, including his best friend who moved.
He misses them so much, he's even considering getting a passport so he can visit them.

'My chest hurts all the time when I think about them.
Is that what a broken heart is? I hate it'

Oh poor wee Nebulous. Give him a hug from me. Thanks everyone for listening to me rant. It's better here than in the mum's face tomorrow!

Wee?
I fit under his chin, but I'll pass on the hug!

I am actually really pleased (in that sicko SN mum way) that DS was able to say 'I felt really sad and left out.' although I suspect it was more about the planned theme than the people. But still, a big step forward for him. It doesn't make me horrible that I'm thinking that, does it?

Not at all, it's the tough side of discovering how to express your emotions.
Understanding can be very painful.
The good bit is when they get jokes and why they are funny, beyond basic slapstick. And watch QI and get the innuendos!

That's a shame op, but it may not be a whole class party, dont feel bad until you know for sure. DS has a birthday coming up and really wants a party at his favourite softplay, unfortunately it's really expensive and we just can't afford to invite his whole class (I'm talking about £300 for the whole class!), so I've said he can invite his close friends from his class as he really wants this party but I'm worried about offending anyone who hasn't been invited. DS rarely gets invited to parties so I know the feeling of your dc being left out.

That was my first thought Panda but it's in a hall. But hope springs eternal

It could be a small hall and birthday child wants friends from school, brownies, cubs, street, cousins, family friends etc all there so only some kids from each group could come.

If they've deliberately excluded DS then he's definitely too good for their company anyway.

DS party was only two friends in softplay plus his sister and at the end of the day when it was quieter lol. But I generally take in a big birthday cake into school and some party bags for those that cannot come to make up for it so the kids "think" they have been included in his day. He really wouldnt cope with a house full anyway.

These two friends have turned out to be bullies who were only interested in him because they would say they would play with him if he had sweets :( so he is back down to one friend who is also querky but un dx who incidently ds was invited to his party and it was only DS that turned up to it!

It is rotten if its a hall party I mean it isnt as if you cannot stay too.

And no you are not snipping

Thank you all. DS went to bed quite happy, DH got home, took one look at me and went back out for Chinese and wine. I am choosing to believe Panda's post at 19:59 and will start again tomorrow. With a fuzzy head and delight in DS emotional progress. But I do wish you were all here for a big Wilson snog.

Hi there Wilson. Do come and rant. I can remember when the vicar's daughter didn't invite DS2 to her party in y1. She had come to his party and what was worse, they had hired out the local SN centre, Hop, Skip and Jump, for her party and still hadn't invited DS2! Not so Christian, some of these Christians. It was 8 years ago and it still rankles...

Wilson, your DS sounds so lovely and is so lucky to have such a great mum.
As EllenJ says, it's hard when the people we hope will be understanding just aren't - who knows their reasoning....