Aspergers perhaps

[Verugal]

I think 5yo ds may have aspergers. He doesn't have anything wrong with him, but the way he interacts with other people and the way he interprets things is setting him apart from his peer group more and more. I used to put it down to him being shy or young, but he's in y1 now, and I notice more and more that he's not like other kids. He's lovely, but there are lots of things that other kids enjoy that make him anxiius or upset, so often when he's expected to be enjoying himself (at a birthday party or extracurricular club for example) he's shrinking away from people, turning his head to avoid eye contact, standing apart.

When he's at school, he's okay most of the time, as he knows what to expect, although he has had some issues with not wanting to ask to go to the loo, and soiling and wetting as a consequence. School have been okay with him, but he's ahead academically, and his teacher told me he should be going to the Y2 class for guided reading but the Y2 teacher didn't think she could cope with him. I was a bit :o at this but I understand that DS is scared of her, and probably wouldn't ask her for the loo.

I'm in two minds: do I start the process of getting him labelled or just leave it. We like him as he is, and understand he has a different perspective on things, but I don't want his anxiety about new situations to cause him distress as he becomes bigger and we're not there to comfort him as much as now.

Not sure what to do. I know I should really talk to the teacher, then talk to the GP, but I'm feeling in a bit of a rut about this, and not sure I want to set the ball rolling with getting doctor's appointments and getting him looked at as if he's faulty or ill, and getting him diagnosed with what society tends to see as a disorder.

"the year two teacher couldn't cope with him" what on earth did she mean?? How unhepful. If he's ahead then he needs more input surely?

To me, what you describe is simply a sensitive and bright child...but I am not an expert and of course you know him best.

IS he playing with other children at playtime? Have you had any talk of who he's friends with?

What do you think would be the benefits of 'just leaving it'?
What do you think would be the benefits of further investigation which may lead to a diagnosis?

Try and work out the pros and cons - for me, a diagnosis helped me understand my DS better and helped get support for him from school, and when school do and say daft things I have the confidence to stand up for his needs.

When schools are meeting needs, parents often don't see the need for a diagnosis - but from your post, I really don't see that they are.

"and not sure I want to set the ball rolling with getting doctor's appointments and getting him looked at as if he's faulty or ill, and getting him diagnosed with what society tends to see as a disorder".

If he is diagnosed as being somewhere on the ASD spectrum he will not be seen by the professionals as being ill or faulty. A dx won't change him as a person but it will give you and him more answers and even perhaps more understanding from the school rather than they and his peers simply seeing him as perhaps "just odd". Also a dx if given is not given quickly and it is a process that will take time. You should see a "label" only as a signpost to getting him more help. It is not to be feared.

It is apparant that this school are simply not meeting his needs. I would not leave it, you will be kicking yourself in the longer term if you do that and it will do your son no favours at all. His anxiety levels are already becoming difficult for him to manage and this can and will affect his ability to learn.

Many teachers are simply not skilled or trained enough to spot many children with additional needs let alone something as complex as ASD. You'd be far better off requesting the GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Also I would act now as things can too easily fall apart in Junior school because apart from the increased pressures of the school workload, there is also the unwritten social side of school to contend with. That can be a real struggle for those on the ASD spectrum, particularly if their needs are not being met.

Is he known to the SENCO in his infants school?

um? Someone is playing ping pong with her thoughts just like I did a long time ago :)

You are correct there is nothing "wrong" with him. He just may or may not possibly have an ASD. He is not faulty, ill, or broken. Just has an amazingly different outlook on life that is all and I find it very interesting and have learnt a lot more about things due to my DS.

Should you receive a dx it is entirely up to you who you disclose it to and if you consider to need it disclosed to get support.

Advantages to go for assessment are...

If he does not have AS then you can relax and have any doubts or concerns cleared from your mind once and for all.

If he does receive a dx. Should the gap widen between his peers or he finds himself struggling more in Junior/Senior school. Escpecially senior as the expectations of being independent, self planning, finding their way round a huge school timetable and peer pressure can make some children hit crisis point. then this dx would be a good useful ticket to gaining him some well needed support x

Good luck, I do remember my "ping pong" times so understand how difficult it is for you.

Sorry. I didn't mean to cause offense. I am struggling to accept that ds2's quirks and traits and habits are something more than immaturity. I don't want ds2 to struggle and be unhappy. I don't want him to be anxious and unable to enjoy cool stuff I liked in my childhood. It's not the label I don't want, more that I want to magic away his anxiety and sensory issues without changing all the great stuff about him.

I am having ping pong thoughts. Yesterday he'd had a tantrum when one of my friends hugged him, avoided eye contact with everyone at church, not spoken to the other kids at a party and asked me how many hours until Christmas until I was at my wits end. Today, he read a story to his baby sister before school, told me something that the ta had said to him (which is good, as I knew he must have started the conversation), he did his music practice beautifully, and looked into my eyes and told me he loved me. So today I can tell myself that his issues are no big deal and it'll all go away as he matures.

So I'm not sure what to do. Ds goes to a very small village school with just 3 classes so I'm not too worried about the transition to juniors. He's in r/y1 at the moment so it doesn't matter too much if he's a bit quirky, but y2/y3 may be harder. I should probably have a chat with his teacher again, I'm just puitting it off.