School anxiety in 9 year old - WWYD?

[indiastar]

Hi,
I don't often post in here, but was wondering if I could ask your advice. My 9 year old ds has hated school school for a very long time. He has just told me that when he is at school his heart always beats really fast and he feels sick.

He has mild ADHD, sensory processing disorders and dyslexia, so school is quite difficult for him. To me he never seems happy, even when he is at home. When I ask him why he is so unhappy he just blames it all on school. It's almost like he is depressed. School think he should see CAMHS, but the Dr says they only see emergencies.

We saw the Dr last week who decided that the best person to see was his peadiatrician who we saw for his ADHD diagnosis a couple of years ago.

My question really is, would take your child out of school if they were feeling like this or would a Dr sign them off for a couple of weeks? Home education?

Thanks for reading.

My Dd3 was very unhappy at her first school and we were worried that she was becoming depressed. She was withdrawn and just wanted to lie on the sofa with me after school and at the weekends.

We were lucky enough to find another school for her where she is not only allowed to be herself but it is positively encouraged for all children to be different and individual.

Your Dr is wrong about CAMHs only being for emergencies and anyway I would say a depressed 9 yr old is an emergency. Camhs will see any child reffered to them and do their own assessments do decide what support to offer.

My gut feeling would be to go back to the paed who did the diagnosis and then if they feel your Ds needs CAMHs they will refer you on.

Are you in a position to HE or is there an inclusive alternative like we found.

Keep coming on here, it is a great place for support and good luck

my son has never been happy in school and quite depressed at times. I still continued to put him there as everyone was saying it's the right thing to do but it got so bad he upped his fight making it impossible for you to get him there. I now think I should not of been forcing him so much. We were literally at times carrying him etc.

Being in the severe learning disabled category we are not entitled to camhs, so I would go with your gut and Ineeds advice.

Hang in there, plus there are a few of us on here who's kiddos don't cope with school, so can help and advise along the way.

Are school doing anything to accommodate and help him with his difficulties, Indiastar, or is he being expected to keep up by himself?

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Ineedalife, twice I have been turned down by the dr for a referral to camhs, they say the waiting list is too long, that is why they are only taking emergency cases. I will wait to see his paed and see what she says.

I have talked to him about finding another school, but that seems to stress him out even more. At least at this school he has known the children since pre school.

Devientenigma, is your son still in school, or did you take him out? The way I see it, is that if I was in a job that was causing me that much stress I would leave, but HE is a huge step.

Ouryve, luckily he does have a lot of support at school. If I can't get him to school I do tell them the truth too, they know he hates it. Unfortunately, he seems to keep it together at school, its only when he's at home that it all falls apart.

No India, he's been out of school for 3 year, I do not electively HE him. We do get help from the LA home tuition service.

In your situation, I personally wouldn't just take him out but if you can't get him there, he remains at home. I would call emergency meetings with school, GP etc to say how bad it's got and what it's causing him and await the process.

Thanks devientenigma. Saw the dr last week, who seemed a bit dismissive, but did refer him to the paed. I will wait and see what she says as she was very helpful last time. Had a meeting with the school a couple of weeks ago, but it's parents evening next week.

It's just so hard seeing a young child under so much stress.

I would suggest that you keep a diary before you go back to the paedindia.

Record everytime your Ds falls apart after school. Try if you can to find out what has upset him during the day.

I know that is really hard, Dd3 is often unable to tell me what has upset her.

Also record his general state of mind when he comes home and if he says he doesnt want to go.

Two things might come of this, firstly you might start to see a pattern and secondly when the paed asks what you are worried about you will have written evidence of how often your Ds is distressed before, at or after school.

Good luck

Another one out of school and home tutored by lea. I kept a diary for DS1 for the statement application that recorded the 'best thing' and the 'worst thing' about the school day. That way the diary is in 'their voice' and DS1 was able to list the best and worst things about the day but wasn't able to respond to an open-ended question like 'how was school today?'

Thanks ineedalife and keeponkeepingon. I hadn't thought about keeping a diary before, but I will now.

If I ask him how school went, he always replies that he doesn't want to talk about it. I only get little bits of information from him when he wants to talk about it. If I push it, it normally results in a huge meltdown, so I let him talk when he is ready. Which is why I have just found out that his heart beats really fast during his literacy lessons, and this has been going on since last year apparently. Its normally at bed or bath time little bits seem to come out.

If I ask him what the best part of school is, he always says 'home time'.

mine starting being sick at school repeatedly. school said could not meet his needs and needed a more specialist placement - since then been a battle with LA to get a new school and we are heading to tribunal.

With regards to the school refusal/sickness - we made sure we took him to the doctors so it was logged and in his records. we also bought forward appointment to his paed so it was on those records as well. it all came to a head in june and teh GP has signed him off school for the afternoons so he is attending mornings only which seems to be working and the sickness stopped. we are now in a stalemate with the LA, he has been left in limbo. He is sometimes sick still - he was last week directly before he left for school but we still took him and he was fine. Becaus ethe GP has issued a sicknote, the EWO has come nowhere near us, not even had a single telephone call. did once get a generic letter from the caseworker asking if i would send him back full time as he appeared to be coping well and that he had all he needed in his statement. his statement is truly awful - nothing specified or quantified so provides him with no real support hence it is the subject of the tribunal. We also had an OT report done re his sensory side and it was clear that school just overloads him - hes in a mainstream class with 29 kids and its just too much so that is also something to consider. My son is also 9 years old