shouldnt i be getting over this a bit now ?

[thriftychic]

ds2 (13) was diagnosed AS nearly 2 weeks ago. i keep feeling really really sad . i cannot seem to think of anything else and keep looking stuff up and questioning everything to an almost obsessive degree.

i thought that should they give me a diagnosis it would be a relief , an explanation for his incredible meltdowns . that at least i could be glad i hadnt caused it by being a wimp of a parent somehow. but i dont feel like that now.

i sort of feel like this cant be right, not my son ! i havent even told him yet . i didnt even think anything was amiss when he was young . i want that young boy back !
i even wonder if the psych is right, surely i would have known something wasnt right sooner ?

this really hurts .

I don't think its surprising it is taking a while to adjust. In some ways it is more difficult when they are older because you knew them without the diagnosis for longer.

My DS is 16 now. He was diagnosed at 10 and although I had been beginning to think there might be something for about 18 months before, I had spent most of his life thinking he's just different and people are allowed to be different.

I was relieved for the reasons you gave but it still felt strange and as there was a lot of others things going on at the time, I didn't really have the space to process it.

TBH I still doubt his diagnosis sometimes. Sometimes it is very clearly right, sometimes unbelievable. However on the whole I think it is a good thing as it helps to understand him and for him to gain understanding from others. I know it sounds trite but it is true that he is still my lovely boy.

He hasn't really accepted it yet although the way the diagnosis was done meant that he knew from the beginning. I think taking it slowly is probably the right way to tell your Ds and for you to go.

But it is difficult (((hugs))))

2 weeks is really absolutely nothing in the scheme of things in getting used to a DX, even if you half expected it. It's an adjustment process - bit like the stages of grief - ie. denial/anger/depression/acceptance. So you are likely to feel a mixture of emotions in getting your head round it. Be kind to yourself x

Well, my DS2 with ASD thought that 2 weeks was plenty of time for me to get over my H leaving. And you know that's not reasonable!

2 weeks is nothing. Give yourself lots of time and eventually, up days will outnumber down days. Remember, it's a grieving cycle as TheLightPassenger says. Denial/doubt lasted months for me, even though my DS's autism was pretty obvious to everyone except me. To me he was just DS2.

My DS2 is 13 as well. But he was DXed at 3.5 yo so I've had a long time to get my head around it. I still get sad even now. But the DX was useful, it helped me to find strategies that worked and stopped me from blaming myself (and him) for some of my parenting failures. Normal, good NT parenting just isn't always appropriate. I had to learn new ways to manage him. I had done nothing wrong, it wasn't my fault things weren't working. My DS1 was beautifully behaved! (Smug)

Read up on Tony Attwood www.amazon.co.uk/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698 if you haven't already.

But be kind to yourself, stick around here, rant, ask for advice, or just some handholding. There's always someone here.

My DS was diagnosed at 12 and like you, sometimes I wondered if it was really a correct diagnosis, but when you read on here the problems some people have trying to get a diagnosis you realise they don't hand them out for nothing.
It takes a long time to get used to the idea. No-one can predict how long it will take, because everyone is different, but I doubt if anyone has completely come to terms with it after two weeks.
We are in the happy position now of being able to look back over the last few years and see how far DS has come. Sometimes he almost seems "normal" but then inevitably something happens and you remember why he reacts as he does, but on the whole he has adjusted in a way we never thought possible.

thrifty, it is not about about getting over it.

It is about moving forward. Now you know that your Ds2 is not NT and that there is a reason why he behaves the way he does at times.

Having AS does not give a licence to behave badly but it does mean that it will take different strategies to sort out problems.

You must stop beating yourself over the head with this and try to be kind to yourself.

There, consider yourself told

thanks everyone . ineedalife , i will consider myself told . the way i go on i am beginning to wonder if i have aspergers myself !