Feel pretty well chewed up and spat out

[Yorky]

DD1 had her 4th birthday on Monday, she was given a prelim dx of mild ASD at the beginning of the summer holidays and started in foundation1 at our local primary school in Sept.

She has gone in happily every day, and I am confident in the head of foundation so was hopeful that school was suiting her.

Today we had our 'parents' evening chat', which had been timetabled to include the SENCO. DH is the SEN governor so already knows and likes the SENCO, but has clashed heads a few times with the HT over other issues. We were surprised that she was also in the meeting, and I'm sure in myself that her presence was more for DHs benefit than DDs.

The meeting lasted 1.5hrs and by the end of it I felt like something the cat had chewed thoroughly before rejecting and spitting out :( I wasn't keen on the fact that we were talking about her in front of her, not that she seemed to notice. And so much of it seemed so negative - all the things she doesn't do, like make eye contact, answer questions, interact with other children....

Do all meetings make you feel like this? Now dreading next paed appt on Dec 20

Some meetings I've had (particularly in reception year) have been quite negative but I've learnt to brush myself down and pick myself up again, that takes time though. I still hate it when they talk about DS in front of him (he is looking anywhere but at the person speaking to him) and he is now at secondary.

What, if anything, was agreed after 1.5 hours or do you think they just spouted a lot of negative hot air re your DD?. Did they not mention anything positive?. What are they doing re giving her additional support in school, do you think her needs are being fully met there?.

Has anyone ever mentioned the word "statement" to you?. If not, this is something I would seriously consider applying for now and personally to boot as the pressure on her will mount as she proceeds further through the school system. Statements are legally binding unlike other plans like School Action Plus for instance.

You will learn, if you have not already, that you are her best - and only - advocate.

Re statementing have a look at IPSEA's website which is www.ipsea.org.uk. Also arm yourself with the SEN Code of Practice which is available online.

Another thing you may want to look at is applying for DLA if you have not already done so.

Hopefully your next paed appt will be better.

Thanks Attila, I don't think I'm coping well with anything atm as DD2 is 7months today and has cut 3 teeth in the last month.

The words/phrases 'statement' 'IEP' 'School action (+)' were never mentioned.

The agreement by the end of the meeting was that at home we would make a specific and accurate note of phrases DD1 uses, as she isn't talking to her teachers other than echoing what they say to her. And we realised we are used to her so know what she wants, without being able to accurately report how she phrases things. And to ask as many questions as possible as choices, eg 'would you like an apple or a banana?'

It was really nice to her the HoF saying how good DDs counting and number recognition is - the HT was carefully asking if she was counting or reciting numbers and it was made very clear that DD is good at 'definites' - colours, shapes, numbers, even recognising and naming letter shapes. Apparently she can count backwards!
Next meeting with school at the end of Jan

It probably felt harsher than it was as the day before we'd had a visit from the early years specialists to assess what support they could offer us/DD and she'd risen to the occasion beautifully - said 'hello' to them, counted the bricks as she built a tower, sung wind the bobbin up with actions, labelled coloured shapes in a jigsaw... and pretty much done herself out of most of the help they would have offered if they'd seen her the next morning when everything was a battle, even normal routine stuff thats she's usually happy with like getting dressed :(

At the very least the school should already have DD on School Action Plus (simply because there is outside agency involvement i.e the paediatrician) and issue you with an IEP (Individual Education Plan). None of this has been done?. That is honestly appalling if that is the case. It sounds also like they have no real idea how to meet her needs at all and have instead put the onus on yourselves.

I would apply for a Statement asap particularly if you are in England.