My Mum told me DS's ASD is punishment from God

[Dulida]

Hi everyone, I'm a long time lurker but I've never quite had the guts to post anything. However, a week ago my Mum made a comment that I can't stop thinking about and I need somewhere to rant. Hope you don't mind.

So here goes...

DH and I have a 4yo DS (recently dx with ASD) I had a nightmare pregnancy, spent pretty much the whole 9 months in bed, having epileptic fits on a daily basis. I was extremely ill. Anyway the actual labour wasn't much better but DH was brilliant and we got through it together. We eventually made the decision to have no more children (neurologist told me all future pregnancies would be the same) and DH had the snip. We have accepted this and are a very happy little family.

My Mum said this to me last week:
'Do you think DS's ASD is God's punishment for deciding not to have more children?'

DS was dx three weeks ago. It has all happened quite quickly and we are just getting our heads around things. Why would she say this? I feel guilty enough about this whole thing. For the record, she's not at all religious, she knows I am. A week later, I'm still crying over this stupid comment.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far, I don't really know what I expect anyone to say. I just feel better having written it all down. Thanks.

Another Christian - granddaughter of two ministers, I have an uncle like bochead's mum. One of my grandmas has autism quite strongly in her family, my dad has a cousin who must be in his late 50s now and still cared for by his parents. None of my uncles or Dad are diagnosed but we don't actually think it means much(!) Mum and I were talking the other day and think Dad is, some of his responses to things just aren't normal, he takes things literally etc. I have two uncles with children, both have a son with Aspergers as has my brother. Within the next generation, I'm not entirely sure about my one uncle's family as they live in Canada but I think he has grandsons with it, my brother has three sons all with different levels of Autism.

So what's the truth? Was Grandma (a minister's wife) or my great-grandparents even, punished for something or do we just have a dodgy gene?

Wow. I thought my mum was bad. Examples include he needs a good clout, he hasn't had discipline at home and, my personal fave, there's nothing wrong with him otherwise he would look 'Dibby'.

Ignore.

Thanks everyone so much for all your thoughts and advice. I'm really touched that you've all taken the time to comment and I'm glad to say I'm feeling a lot better tonight.

I've spent today with DH and DS in our pyjamas, snuggled under the duvet on the sofa, eating popcorn and watching films. And not thinking about my Mum's silly comments! It's been great.

Your comments have all given me lots to think about and I really am grateful. I'm sure I'll be back to my usual strong self soon, but in the meantime I'll keep reading your comments over and over again until it all goes in!

For those who have had similar comments from friends and relatives, I hope you came up with a better comeback than me. I also hope you've learned to ignore them, they're the ones missing out on how brilliant and special our children are aren't they?

Thank you for the Through the Roof signandsmile is it these people?

youth.throughtheroof.org/

New Wine Summer conferences also have amazing facilities for people of all ages with disabilities. 'Our Place' is the group for school age children, DS loves it and we all get a camping holiday with other Christian friends

They have also introduced lots of extras for families who are affected by disability, like the use if a washing machine etc

zzz lol I know I know. I am having a bit of a giggle myself now. Whereas the GP's on the other side have clearly embraced it a bit too well and verbally abused the next door neighbours for being a bit noisy and upsetting "the autistic child". Despite us not having a dx yet and not actually planning on broadcasting it either. Ho hum. V tempted to tell all GPs the docs want to blood test them to track down the rogue gene lol.

or do we just have a dodgy gene? or maybe just a 'different' gene. I think that there is a lot more logic in the autistic way of looking at things.

Oh I meant it in the nicest possible way, I wouldn't change my brother or nephews or anyone else in my family for the world. I agree with someone further up who said we need people who look at the world differently. I think God had a purpose for putting this "dodgy" gene into the world, we've just got too hung up on things being "normal" to see it.