If you had a child who appeared to be regressing

[izzywizzyisbizzy]

at the age of 4 (nearly 5), would you be worried??

I am sorry, I know nothing about SN, so this may the wrong place to ask.

We have been through a massively traumatic time, but I thought my 4 year old was coming out of things.

However at parents evening we were told, he cant count to 10 (I had noticed this), when he used to be able to, he cant write his name (when he used to be able to).

More concerning to me is the fact he is wetting himself daily (not flooding, but constantly damp, when he was totally dry to the point he has a triangular sore patch exactly like nappy rash.

He is wanting to be fed all the time.

He has started to be destructive, ripping up books etc.

He is beginning to refuse to sleep in his own bed, and last night started sobbing for his baby bed.

He has started pulling this strange face, hard to explain, constantly screwing his face up.

He is beginning to start having raging tantrums again (used to be 6 hours a day, but they had calmed down those were def related to the situation we were in).

I don't know if I am over analysing but I mentioned it to DH and he says he is worried, but not in a way he can put his finger on.

What do you all think, individually they are all small things, but I am beginning to have nagging concerns that all is not right.

thank you if you read those essays,

Sadly I don't think many of the posters on here would be shocked, saddened yes, at the lack of support from NHS/SS, given how children's MH therapy and developmental therapies are so thin on the ground (and have been for years, even before the cuts and the credit crunch).

Lougle and others have I think more helpful ideas than me, it certainly makes sense that he needs his world to be as structured and predictable as can be, to try and help him feel more secure. Certainly in terms of the academics, reception year is so much learning through play rather than full on academic stuff, that as long as you read books to him and do a bit of cooking and craft with him at home, maybe some simple board games then that will be ample.

Thank you - my uncle has been over today, he is a former CP SW, and without me voicing any concerns, has said he thinks I need to take DS to see GP, he noticed the very odd facial expression (he called it tic) that DS is pulling and asked when it started - which was about a week ago.

He said he think I should ask GP for CAHMS and paediatric referral.

Paediatric re tic and CAHMS re the rest.

So I guess I haven't been over analysing.

I wish someone could tell me what I did in my previous life to deserve all of this happen to us. Must have been something dreadful.

izzy, you did nothing. You did everything to protect your family, even though, from the sounds of it, the actions you took cost you dearly. We aren't responsible for these things that happen, only for the way we react to them. You reacted, which will, in time, speak volumes to your DS.

Do take him to the GP. Do bang on every door. But most of all, don't underestimate the reassurance you are giving your DS.

Just wanted to offer an unmumsnetty hug, blimey you've been thru it. Here's some too.

Thank you both - it's just been a tough day - I expect the 2 steps forward 10 backwards is familiar to every poster on this board.

I'm going to ask my therapist if I can swap a few of my sessions so ds can have them - hopefully she will say yes, see what she thinks.

She is away next week got a call yesterday. So will be the week after before I can ask but I already know local CAHMS have a 12 week emergency referral wait so we will wait forever to see them for this.

This is not how I expected my life to be - but at least dh and I have each other for support.

Don't give your sessions to your ds. He'll only get 1 hour benefit, and it will just confuse him and duplicate what camhs will offer in due course. Using them for you, he'll get 168h/week benefit.

And your life isn'tlike this. Just a couple of shitty years of it. Which must be improving now, else your ds wouldn't yet feel safe enough to show you his distress.

And by believing the victim, making sure everyone went to live in safe places, and ensuring that the initiator is prevented from future crimes you and your dh have done a huge amount of good. I think you already know this, but are a bit shaken by your ds becoming unwell with it all.

maria, thanks, thats more or less what the therapist has said when we first went to see her, initially, she was going to see DS, so we took him and she said she felt the children would benefit more from me seeing her and her helping me, (I was a disaster zone for a long time). So she actually (very nicely in a totally caring way) declined to see him and offered to see me (and DH) instead, under restrictions, she saved my life.

Its been such a shock, I mean we all know these things happen, but you never think they happen in your own home, to your own family, you think you would somehow see, but you don't.

DS has been lovely this weekend, he even went to my sisters for a bit, although he has insisted on staying in the rest of the time, he didn't even want to go to the park, and the tic is quite pronounced and he is getting really bad at going to bed and came in bed with DH and I last night and he has wet himself every day.

He is so loving and affectionate and I just love them all so much.

I think, its a mothers job to fix things, and this - I cannot fix, not for any of them.

I am going to make an appointment with doctors tomorrow to get that ball rolling, see what GP suggests, they are lovely so I am sure they will be helpful.

On the plus side, I am going to make sure we have the BEST christmas ever!

yes agree with Maria, I imagine part of your therapy will involve discussing how best to help the kids anyway, so it's still helping your family indirectly anyway.

Good luck with the GP appointment. At the moment I imagine there will be a stark dividing line in your life- of the before and after time, before all this worry. But as time goes on, and you have more Xmas's, family moments etc after, hopefully that dividing line will become less start.