I've put this under special needs because my daughter is highly ASD and to be really honest my mother in law displays an awful lot of symptons too! As for my father in law - wellll he's simply an opinionated grumpy old man that actually loves my daughter very much.
So what's happened? Well I think they struggled at first with her diagnosis and have had to do a lot of soul searching and thinking about the situation to discover that they think that it must be true and that they are also on the spectrum. But althought they've managed a lot they've not lost the end opinion that actually I as her mother am too soft. I know that lots and lots of parents of autistic/aspergic spectrum children get this opinion but they are struggling with her outbursts. A year ago she moved to a special needs school and since then has been a changed character with far fewer outbursts etc, but the damage to their relationship was already done. Now when they visit (and as they live over 3 hours away they visit for a long time) she is sullen and desperate not to be near them. Equally I'd say that her grandparents are trying very hard with her, especially her granny who herself does not like scenes of any emotion, both good and bad. Simply sitting down and talking to them both would scare them silly and I'm not sure they'd hear what I was saying. Equally asking a 12 year to make the move is little bit hard. So what should I do?