Come and talk to me about Aspergers please

[XandaPanda]

This past month has pretty much been a blur my almost 4 year old has been referred to a behaviour specialist though he wont get an actual appointment for a good few months yet, my Doctor mentioned Aspergers to me and suggested that i should 'find' out about it .
I didnt even realise my son was different to other children his age i just thought he was your average 4 year old boy, But now after reading through some info on the Aspergers website etc its like somebody has wrote about my son .
I feel terrible for not noticing anything , I dont know where to begin anything anybody can tell me i will be grateful

Hello :-) welcome to the board.you have come to the right place :-)
I have a big boy with Aspergers and dyspraxia ( he's 15 )
I am at the docs atm but didnt want to leave your thread unanswered .
Some things to be going on with:

He is still the same lovely boy.
This bit ( the bit you are going through ATM ) is very raw and difficult.... It gets easier
He will be ok

I will be back later :-)

Back now:-)
Tell us about your boy

You didn't notice anything because:
a) you are not a specialist
b) you are used to how your child is
c) your child is comfortable with you and signs are less evident then
So don't feel terrible.
There is so much info on the web, books to read etc. The only thing I would say is that every child is different, so not every thing in the books will match your child.
It is BRILLIANT that your child's condition has been spotted early and you can get support and knowledge to help him. This will help him (& you!) enormously.

Hello XandaPanda and welcome.

Please don't feel bad, I have a ds (now 10) who has Asperger's and I didn't realise there was anything different about him until he started school either. He is also my eldest dc, so I had noone to compare him to really. He didn't get his diagnosis until he was 8, because his teachers didn't notice even once we had started to suspect and raised questions several times with the school.

AS can present in quite subtle ways when children are younger, which is why a lot of professionals try to persuade parents to go for a 'watch and wait' period rather than going for assessments straight away. This of course is how children like my ds get overlooked and imo and I think - I hope - this sort of delay is now less common.

It's good that it has been picked up so early, as this gives your ds the best chance of being properly assessed, diagnosed if appropriate and supported through school.

Don't panic and assume that he must have Asperger's just on the say so of one GP though, there can be a myriad of different reasons for similar behaviours and the only way to get to the bottom of thing is via a thorough assessment.

This bit is really hard. The waiting is awful and in the meantime your brain is going 200 miles an hour constantly churning all the stuff you've read over and repeating all the 'what if's'.

Do keep posting on here. There are lots of us on here who have children with ASD and there's usually someone around to listen and answer questions or just offer a hug and a if that's what's needed.

Thanks everybody

My boy (Xandur) is 4 in 2 weeks and honestly I just put everything down to him being a boy.
he has always been very active since the day he was born, Very poor sleeper and still is, though as long as I keep to his routine we just about manage.
He has no sense of danger at all runs in to roads I can't take him anywhere without his pram or if its just a quick trip out I use his reins I even have to keep all my doors and windows locked in my house because if there is a way out he will get out of it including upstairs windows (found him on the conservatory roof last week) .
His 'activeness' is what has most confused his paediatrician because he is severely asthmatic yet to look at you would never have known as with most asthmatic children usually stop when they can't breathe but he keeps going.
My mum took him away with her over the weekend and he managed to escape from her several times and ended up in the middle of main roads.
He is very clever for his age as his teacher has said she has never had a child like him, He also remembers every little thing even from when he was 2, Also has minor Ocd and has since he was about 1 .
I never realised he was different to the other children I just thought I was a bad parent and that's why he is so naughty and has foul language so I guess the only good thing is now at least I know its not my fault
sorry its so long its just all buzzing round my head

Hi OP, I agree with what everyone else has said (have a DS with Aspergers, age nearly 9). It's good that things have been picked up early as lots of people on here seem to have struggled with the exact opposite! Please don't feel guilty for not noticing, and please don't think it's anything you have done! There is lots of information out there, and lots of wise people on here to help. At a young age it is so hard to recognise the signs as lots of the things you describe are typical for bright, active boys. Also, the autistic traits he shows now might not continue, and other things might come up or disappear with time so don't panic. The best thing is to be informed and aware so that you can help and support your son when he needs it

Thanks everybody .
Is there anything i can do to to help him at all or to even just control him ?

Morning - with my DS, visuals work really well, so things like star charts or "happy/ sad" boards so he can see when he has done the right thing like staying close to you when you are out and about and not running off etc might help. I found that rewards/consequences have to be immediate otherwise he just won't get it. I haven't really used them much, but lots of people seem to find the Social Stories books good here for explaining what is going to happen and how your DS should behave in certain situations. I did a course using the Incredible Years books which has a lot about actions and consequences which was also good here.

On a practical level, if he keeps running off, could you get one of those wrist band things so he is physically attached to you or your mum (he is probably too big for baby reins!!). DS2 used to be terribly afraid of dogs and liable to run off if he saw one so I know the terror - I used to hold him round the wrist rather than holding his hand because he always managed to slip out of my hand's grasp!

he has one of those little life bags with the strap a bit like a dog lead lol, but he is like Houdini and can escape from everything unfortunately, will definitely try the reward charts thanks

We use a pasta pot reward system as it seemed more 'real' to ds than a chart. I choose one aspect of his behaviour to work on at a time and keep it really simple. Our system is reward only, we never take stuff away for 'punishment' (in fact tbh we don't punish at all). Eg being kind to his sister was a target when he was your ds' age. Every time I spotted a kind behaviour I took him to add a piece of pasta to his pot. When the pot was full he could choose a little prize from a box I keep out of reach. Stuff like the Lego mini figures, a comic, nothing expensive.
It was amazing how quickly I could improve his behaviour. At first you need a small pot and to reward lots and lots. Ds is now 6 and we tend to have 2 or 3 targets on the go at once but it still works best if he is able to achieve bits of pasta really often. At the moment it is getting dressed for school straight away and doing his eye tracking programme on the computer without moaning.