Soooooo...new School visits, tons of questions...moving in the right direction :)

[whatthewhatthebleep]

Had a meeting today to finalise some bits and bobs...so we are off to make our first visit to the new School for my DS.....!!

Sooooo much spinning in my head, this is going to be so very different for us as it is a residential/weekly boarding placement....we just can't know very much until we are doing it iykwim....trepidation, excitement, everything all at once!!

The other thing that feels so strange is that it has been such a long battle to get my DS the support, interventions, etc he has needed for so long...when you are strung out, stressed out, battling through years of difficulty and brick walls, hoops of fire....and then suddenly it has all stopped and you still feel a little scared to breathe almost...it seems a bit weird right now...still sinking in I suppose....

The advent of the future is ahead for us and it has this light you wondered if you would ever see.....

The hurdles and difficulties are going to be very different but all positive and for all the right reasons. What is it like when your child goes away and you are not tucking them in bed every night and tending all those usual routines, habits, etc, just the fact that you are sitting there alone and your child is not there...that is the hardest part I imagine for myself right now, that and your child having problems settling, being away from home and coping with everything at first, maybe pleading and begging to come home and not wanting to say 'no, you can't' but knowing you may have to?

As much as my belief that this is absolutely the right way forward for my DS, it has many, many new and unknown implications and it's quite scarey right now, as well as being exciting and positive....it's difficult to express the positive/negative feelings I'm going through right now....

Any support is very much appreciated as we step forward into the unknown!

You must be all over the place, I can completely understand that. The only advice I can give is third-hand from a friend of a friend of a friend who's DS went to a residential school and said 'Mum, for years the only good thing in my life was you. Now it's you and school.'

Massive, massive hugs to you though.

Well done

I have mixed feelings too - even if we 'win' and get indi ss, we 'lose' as it would mean boarding. I find it hard to think that my son may be as good as leaving home at 11 and as long as I am fighting I don't really have to deal with it as a possible reality iykwim. At times, usually in the middle of a meltdown with no end in sight, I feel like I can't live with him but the truth is I don't know how to live without him - he is my pfb.

I'll be watching your journey with intense interest.

Wilson and Keepon... on the one hand I feel like I want to celebrate, have a party!!...it's like saying farewell to the old and welcoming the new life ahead...then it feels all wrong that I would throw a party when my DS is going to be going away from home so it then feels soooo wrong and sad again....

roller coasters!!!...we know them well, this is our new one I suppose...so weird. I'm going from party feeling to sad and serious in minutes...laughter and tears...

whatthe well done, bet your ds comes on amazingly well in his new school. Have a party to celebrate, after all you can now be a mum to him when he's home at weekend and you will both have plenty of quality time now that everything is sorted. I understand what you mean about scarey but i bet it will be the best thing you ever did for you both, well done... hope all goes smooth xx

you're right Shazian thank you ....think I really would like to have a party...I've been very fortunate and have found some really good friends along the way too...I think it would be good to thank them and celebrate all the efforts and support they have given us...it feels right to raise a glass and put the past behind us....

Going to make a wee plan for this soon...

Hope all goes well. I dream of being in your position one day.

We had a great day visiting the new school....DS wants to go there asap!...he feels really good and positive about it all....he has even told the HT which room and bed he would like!!!

Lovely, happy, welcoming staff and all the children were smiley, chatty and happy too.
Very impressed, the atmosphere and feeling as soon as we arrived was just so positive, relaxed and good....my DS (the child who has barely been able to leave the house and access anything) was off playing pool and chatting happily with another student within 5 mins of arriving!!....couldn't believe it, so so good to see him smiling, animated and feeling he could 'do' all this.

He just keeps saying, it's a really nice place mum, I want to go, when will I go, etc, etc...I really like this school, it's really good...over and over how he thinks it's right for him, etc. All the way home..periodically he just kept saying how good he thought it was.....

We are both feeling very good and will be returning for a 2nd visit next week. In the meantime I have lots of work to do making lists about food preferences, sleep and needs, medication, loads to detail as much as poss for the school before he goes...
He could be starting his journey there within 2 weeks of now....much to think about and much to do....all very positive and exciting for us both....

just bumping cos I don't think my previous post/update was spotted and I'm desperate to share

been typing loads of info needed for the new school. It's a good feeling that all this work is so vital and wanted by the staff.
I mean how many times have we all sat there and said things or put something in writing or email and been ignored, diluted, given no consideration, etc
I'm doing this stuff and ever word is important and wanted...good feeling

Glad to see it's all looking so positive. It must be such a relief that he now wants to go to school after all the anxieties. Very happy for you

just seen this and wanted to say how pleased I am for you and ds. So pleased all your persistence has paid off and that ds was able to overcome his nervousness. Congrats to both of you.

whatthe im so pleased for you both that the visit was very positive . Thats excellent that your DS was so excited about it all, and that he made a new friend already. Bet your feeling even more happy now that your visit was extremely positive for you both, well done. It seems this could be an amazing move, i know your going to be busy preparing for the next 2 weeks, then you can relax and be proud and think all the hard work and grief was worth it in the end. well done

update
DS is going for a few days next week to stay at his new school....need to go shopping for new pyjamas and things he needs for going....

All this is costing a fortune between visits back and forth and accommodation for me, whilst he is there for the few days,(really because I think it would be better to feel I was nearby...just incase, etc) clothing and footwear, etc...
and then all being well, he will be starting officially after that, we will need to buy bedding to personalise his room space, etc next week.

SW are going to help with my fuel/travel costs but not actually got these yet. I'm about skint right now but needs must!!

It's exciting but still feeling like such an unknown...up and down really. I don't think it will hit me until he is actually there and I'm at home myself...I'm not looking forward to that bit....

whatthe - good news and good luck. DH was going to stay overnight whilst DS1 did his evaluation but ended up coming home. DS1 phoned the first night begging to be brought home. He'd been fine most of the day but had a major wobble at what would have been home time. The staff were fantastic and we were able to identify what may have been behind his wobble and they changed things right away. It actually helped to have an 'excuse' - 'it's too late to drive down now. I'll speak to you to the morning.' DS1 wanted DH to collect him at the crack of dawn. He felt much better the next day and was able to complete the evaluation. I fear that if DH had been close-by DS1 would have failed the evaulation even if he had attended as a day pupil as they wanted to evaluate whether or not he could cope with boarding. Failure was not an option as this was last-chance saloon on the road to forced home ed.

How confident are you that he will be OK? Is the staying over mainly for you or practical purposes?

the staying over is really important as it is weekly boarding.
I hope I haven't gone about this the wrong way now...maybe I should have been coming home so this situ can't happen!!

DS is very keen about it all and is looking forward to it all but reality is so different from what he may be thinking in his imagination/minds eye....Harry Potter and Hogwarts comes to mind lol!!!

it's booked and paid for now so I just hope it doesn't backfire as you have suggested it might!!....I'll be firm, I'll be firm, I'll be firm....

If he does get anxious you can always tell him that picking him up that evening is 'against the school rules'. Once he is in there you can justify anything that you know that you have to do but he doesn't want to do by saying this (I know that sounds awful but you know what I mean). Stops him from blaming you - depends how motivated your DS is to sticking to the rules.

thanks Keepon ...I'll have to deflect and cajole and stay determined about 'School rules' and how important they are to keep to and persuade him if he wobbles....I actually think he will be fine though...

I'm quite looking forward to the break away for a couple of days too...planning lots of chilling out and book reading, etc. There is wifi so I'll be connected fine too!!

we are home from the school visit....

My DS has got on really well, never even got a call from him or anything!!...he just got on with it all and did extremely well....I'm so very proud of him.

I think I was more nervous when I went to collect him than I was when I took him there on monday morning!...to my huge relief, it all sounded very positive and very successful. It was great to hear that they feel he has great potential to do well...never heard this being said by anyone else before so it felt really good that they can see what I can see

So, now we just need to wait on the details being arranged and he should be officially starting soon I think....
I will probably know more next week and maybe he will be starting the following week...not sure yet though.....

I'm so proud and hopeful for my DS...I'm all puffed up and feeling great for him

Somehow I totally missed this thread . It was a lovely read though! :-)
Soooo glad it all went so well for him. How are YOU feeling now?

Hi Troutsprout
well, everyone immediately starts telling me about all the stuff and opportunities I am going to have for myself...it's definitely something I am looking forward to but I think initially it is all going to be very strange at home...just me alone all week at home...weird feeling..
it was weird with him away just those 3 days and not having responsibility at all for doing anything..
I think this will take some time to adjust to for sure. I think once he is settled and happy then I will shake off my wings a bit too and start doing things and even making some plans to go and do things for myself....without feeling guilty iykwim...

Yes ... It's must feel very strange!!
I imagine It's a bit like the very first the you are separated from them and you keeping thinking you have forgotton something or omitted to do something :-)
Little steps... No rush
You will be so excited at the weekends won't you

i kept thinking...'I wonder what he's doing now'...'I wonder if he's eating ok'...I wonder, I wonder...it's really strange handing over control of your child to other people like this...I wonder that something will be lost between us because of it too...so many things - a real jumble of positive and negative...roller coaster of a different kind...and just as much worry and fear...

Well done whatthe

I am so pleased that all went well for him and I am pleased for you that at last others are see what you see and accept what you say.

This will be a big adjustment for both of you but you will adjust because you have experienced the alternative and it is not good! This really is the best thing that could have happened - you have secured a brighter future for DS.

just got the finalised decision....DS is starting his new school this week!!!

We have been packed and ready to go for a week.....wow, just wow...it's really happening...I have the biggest grin right now...