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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

I think I have finally had enough aaarrrrgggggh!

17 replies

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 09:35

Recieved a report from BIBIC yesterday detailing all the problems Sam has, such as the wide differential between his social and language ability (3 yrs and 10 yrs- he's 6), felt we were getting somewhere. the school agreed to have Bibic in to talk to them about Sam's needs and we were making the mistake of getting hopeful.

Today had a letter from SENCO with copies of the letters she has sent regarding Sam. Instead of Ed Psych she has referred us to a parental behaviour advisor the letter says that he has had no real problems at school. So then, why were they calling us in for meeting about his behaviour? The ones his teacher dragged us into, are mentioned as parental request. Some I tried to delay because of having toehr kids with me but was told were important.

They've also sent a similar letter to the school nurse, and I know they did a report for Paeds.

I spent 4 hours last night being attacked by Sam. BIBIC explained as we thought that he was focussing so hard on his behaviour at school that he was coming home tired and stressed and we were a 'soft' target, school has basically said it's our parenting. yet he 'flunked' every single emotional / social test at BIBIC (what is this man feeling, can you tell me what happensnxt- that sort of thing)

And apparently there are no problems at school, even though we have been up countless times about bullying / him being too scared to go in.

I'm exhausted, worn down by illness myself anyway and I just don't think I can carry on fighting them like this. It's no longer in me.

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getbakainyourjimjams · 28/03/2006 09:38

oh FFS. Any chance of changing schools? They sound like they are not going to get it. My friend's dd has just had to change schools (she has AS) after a couple of very successful years. The SENCO changed. new SENCO doesn;'t get it. Disaster.

FastasleepQueenLentilWeaver · 28/03/2006 09:38

I don't know what to say except I'm here and I'd give you a big hug if I was there!!

jenk1 · 28/03/2006 09:42

Peachy-Ditto, going through exactly the same thing as you, i really sympathise with you.
We are supposedly being put on a parenting course as we have been told that we give DS too much attention and that stops him from being social with other kids

Take some time out-if you can and recharge your batteries, thinking of you.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 09:46

There is a specialist school just 3 miles away- an autistic school- but with the school delaying the dx there's no way we can get a place, it looks like we might loswe the dx if that's what they sent to the school.

Sam trashed the house last night: last time he did that it xcost the house, but we can sort it this time. i've had a badly hurt toe and ds2 is bruised again. he just runs around screeching, throwing things, jumping from things- I am amazed he hasn't killed himself or one of the boys. I tried a quilt restraint method BIBIc taught but he just thrashed around trying to bite me, and because I've been ill I just don't have the strength to hold him (DH was at work- that always kicks Sam off hardest, first night back).

When Sam goes off he's like a animal with rabies- nothing gets through at all, he literally hurls himself at you. When he's not on one he can hold it together but only for so long- and a day at school more than does it.

I've got to take ds2 to the Gp in 45 minuets and I have tears streaming down my face , they're going to think I'm useless

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Anoah · 28/03/2006 10:06

Peachychair does your son have Aspergers? I'm sorry if i is rude to ask but he sounds so much like my son who is 5. They finally seemed to have settled on a diagnosis of aspergers.

My son is starting to have a lot of anger issues and I'm at my wits end. The house gets trashed and I think my kidneys are bruised. I think its suddenly hit him that he is different and thats why he isn't connecting with other kids.

Anyway I just wanted to say hang in there you sound like a terrific mum.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 10:09

I wish I wa more terrific, that's what he needs.

yes he does have As. He has always been fairly aggressive but since about 5 it's been full anger, and the only way I can stop him getting at his younger brothers is to let him go at me.

Being so tired doesn't help, but Sam is back on his sleepless night thing as well.

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Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 18:49

I spoke to school. There IS an ed psych coming, I might not get to meet him tho as one of the two days available is an exam, the other may be. Dh will go though. I hope I can too.

Dh has become ill and not gong to work tonight. I am glad that it menas I am 'safe' tonight (and it really feels like that) but it's another routine change so i'll get my pay off.

EXTREMELY tired and have really giving up any hope of ever getting any help. Feel resigned to this now.

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Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 18:51

Anoah, good to hear that Sam isn't alone in this but sorry that you are going through the same. Horrid isn't it? it's like a big taboo, having your child hit you. I said to the dep head in front of Sam that he bit me last night repeatedly, she looked more shocked I admitted it than he had done it

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FastasleepQueenLentilWeaver · 28/03/2006 18:51

Oh peachy you can't keep getting attacked like this! Can no one help somehow?! It's awful

Pixiefish · 28/03/2006 18:57

Peachy. I am so sorry that you're going through this.

I have no advice to offer but just sending virtual hugs to try and support you. I hope that you get a dx soon. I know you're tired but try to keep asking for help. It's not a nice thing to say but he who shouts loudest and all that- you have to keep making your voice heard.

Do you have anyone that you could call if he has one of his episodes so that you have an eyewitness

Yorkiegirl · 28/03/2006 18:58

just wanted to post and offer support... I have so little experience of as, and not in the home.
Have emailed you.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 19:11

No, we don't have anyone who could witness- nearest friends and family are 50 miles away.

We did make some friends here, but guess what- Sam scared their child off.

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Original poster

PeachyClair · 28/03/2006 19:13

Yorkie thanks for the message. Will reply but ALL my three e-mails are down

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FastasleepQueenLentilWeaver · 28/03/2006 19:19

Aww peachy, if you ever want a visit from another biting child a wee spitty upper and me we'd be happy to visit...

Anoah · 28/03/2006 19:50

Peachychair,

I totally understand what you are saying about the anger issues really surfacing at age 5. Same thing happened with my son. If he is upset about something he won't communicate it to us and it seems to build up and up until he is in a rage. He went through a stage recently where he as hitting myself, DH, and younger siblings in the lower back every chance he got. Hurts like hell. He also locked me in our conservatory and I was in there for a few hours until DH came home from work.

Other times he seems like the sweet little boy we all know and love. I really feel like it has hit him that he is really different from the other children and he is devastated. He has no friends at all except his playstation. I have tried talking to him about this but he shuts off completely.

I don't know what to tell you except hang in there! I just keep thinking that this has got to get better sometime. I just wish I could get inside my sons head.

KarenThirl · 29/03/2006 06:51

Peachy, this sounds very similar to what we were going through this time last year with J. Although he'd always been 'rough' he'd never had a tantrum in his life, not even the terrible twos, then suddenly he started letting rip every night after school and we bore the bruises to show for it. We didn't have a dx though J was suspected of having AS (we still don't, sigh) and when we brought this up to the SENCO we too were told it was a 'home problem' and nothing to do with school.

TBH I think parenting courses and the like are the cheap option so that's the first route the professionals take, but that's incredibly unfair for those 'good' parents among us to be bracketed with the lowest common denominator and assumed to have no idea of disciplining our children. Only recently the CAMHS nurse who came to advise us on parenting strategies told us to stop explaining to him and punish everything via the naughty chair. Oh - and when things are really bad, give him lots of positives. Like we couldn't have worked that one out for ourselves...

I agree with others, it might be time to start looking into a new school for Sam, for all your family's sake.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 30/03/2006 14:20

Thsnks.

I have e-mailed the NAS for advice, including whther to hang on in there at this school and hope for the AS dx for the specialist school, or just shift him

School has also given in re ed psych, coming May.
I'm now so used to being dismissed I expect that will happen, but we'll see!

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