Not sure what to do - 'diagnosis' from strangers. Repeatedly.

[solidgoldbrass]

DS is 8. Today I got chatting to another mum, who said 'He's got Aspergers, hasn't he?' I said I didn't know, we have no official diagnosis, and that he's a little unusual but hey, who isn't? She said that both her sons are on the spectrum and her son (who was with her) had said to her 'That boy's like me, isn't he, Mum?'

I've previously had 'kind' strangers say 'Is he autistic?'. We do have an official DX of 'mild dyspraxia' - his fine motor skills are not brilliant - but as yet his school, who are very good with SN kids, have not actually taken me to one side and suggested we Do Something about any other issues (WRT the dyspraxia, we had a couple of visits to an occupational therapist and a bit of OT in school and in fact his co-ordiation and handwriting etc have improved a lot in the past year or so.

I'm not sure what to do. Whether I should carry on letting DS just be himself (he's clever, very articulate but he is a bit, well, odd, sometimes) or whether I should start trying to get him officially 'labelled'. Both his dad and I are a bit odd, too, though neither of us has any kind of official label to that effect.

Aha,ilikemysleep -that explains all the great posts you write. Justa Leonie's thread is up and running.

Hi my son is 5 and under assessment. It took me about six months from when it was first suggested to me to get him referred. I was in a 'fog' about him for a good year probably before that. I think there comes a point when you feel you have to get them assessed, for me waking up in the night and panicking about worse case scenarios made me realise that assessment would be a less stressful place to be than denial. I do get strangers asking me if my son is autistic (or less articulate ones, "Wossee got?") and I don't feel I can properly answer that question - apart from, "Buzz off nosey". Go with your gut feel and be brave.

PenneyAnne

Yup, I always feel a bit of an interloper here, I am one of those 'so-called professionals' - but I am here as a mum of an aspergers son.

OP, my DS was unofficially diagnosed even in his absence by a grandma in M&S (dd was acting non-NT, and she pointed me towards a local support group... She was a bit nonplussed when I laughed and said 'you should see the one I didn't TTY to take shopping)

3 other mums then spotted him. Much faster and more accurate than the professionals (Ilike excepted of course )

PS hijack for Ilike, I would guess the more interfering & nosy types heard your a child psych so are just a bit scared of commenting on your dc.

Yes, it's nearly always people who either have a visibly not NT child with them or who then say 'My DS/DD/one of mine has some ASD issues' who ask about DS. ANd they are always nice about it; the attitude is either 'Oh, you as well ie they expect that we will have a DX, or helpful as in, you might want to get this looked at.

Which makes it a lot harder to say 'Fuck off and leave my darling baby alone' no matter how much I might want to...

I've said this several times before but isnt it incredible how star wars is so popular with kids with asd?My ds adores these computer games and most other boys with AS/ASD seem to be the same.While individually they are all so different with their various quirks,obsessions etc ,star wars seem to be the one thing a lot of them have in common-and they dont seem to lose the love for it either as they get older,although other obsessions,interests change frequently.

Sorry,completely off-topic there.

My Ds doesn't like star wars or Dr Who (dh does though....)
His current obsession is Minecraft...previously pokemon, gogos, dinosaurs, and Thomas the Tank Engine in reverse order...

WIth mine it's trains, buses, all public transport and Dr Who.

He's still very keen on CBeebies though I am trying to wean him off it, more because I am sick to fucking death of the presenters than because I think it's 'wrong' for him to watch it...

Last ds obsession was 'MatchAttacks'. He could tell all the name of the players and their scoring... Only played with that for nearly 2 years.

This thread has been very eye opening for me.
Just realizing how difficult ds finds to separate reality from fantasy. We went to a 'Halloween Theme trail'. One of the objects was a bucket full of legs. This was looking completely made up (nothing frightening whatsoever). ds was convinced it was real (but not frightened ).

And he has imagination (the 'elephant flying on a broom' type). it took him so long to realize/accept that magic wands didn't exist.... Will not think at how long it will take him to get around the idea that Santa doesn't exist either

And at the same time, when you watch him play with cars etc.. It's repetitive, based on either cartoons or what dc1 has been doing.

I havent read the full thread but the gap widens once they get older and operate on a more socially sophisticated level with greater nuances and unpredicted levels of jesting, horseplay, sarcasm, inference and deduction. If you get him diagnosed you dont have to tell anyone. However, haing this will open more support, if he needs it, at secondary where things get noisier, busier an more complex. Alo it will help if he needs exam access arrangements suh as a room on his own or a prompter, for example at gcse (or whatver if that bloody gove man is still around )

Well.last.night.I.had.a.chat.with.a.friend.who.is.a.SALT.specialising.in.ASD.kids.
Mentioned.my.concern.in,a.sort.of.jokey.way.and,she.went
'Well,now.you.mention.it...'
So.I.have.made.an.appointment.with.the.SENCO.for.a.couple.of.week's.time.

SGB- well done! The first step is the hardest.

Sgb

Remember, whatever happens, don't panic. IF you get a diagnosis, they don't come and take your lovely quirky child away and replace him with a strange one, with strange behaviours and strange needs.

It's the same child, with the same behaviours and the same needs.

I remember thinking after ds1s diagnosis, " how can this be true, he is so NORMAL?!"

Well he's not, but he wasn't before. He was just normal to me, like your child is normal to you, like everyone's child is normal to them!

IF you get a diagnosis, they don't come and take your lovely quirky child away and replace him with a strange one, with strange behaviours and strange needs.

Oo, I like this! Might pinch that.

SGB, I see your space bar has broken? Well done, you. Keep on coming here, it's a great place for support.

sgb, I've seen your posts before, and fwiw I think your ds's school seem to be fantastic. And so your ds is doing very well - he is unusual, but not troubled by it, which is great.

I think you need to look forward a few years, consider where he will be going for secondary and think about whether he will need help then.

ds1 wasn't diagnosed until he was 9, had no help in school, and seemed to cope very well. But transition to secondary was difficult and with hindsight I should have pursued getting him support. By the time we got it, it was too late - he refused any help as (like most teenagers) he didn't want to appear "weird" or "different".

A diagnosis won't change your son. It won't make any difference to his life as it is now.

But if he struggles when he is older, a diagnosis may get him help before it is too late (as sadly it was for ds).

My dad is a successful doctor, he has been married for 60 years with children and grandchildren, but I'm sure he has AS. Being on the autistic spectrum does not mean limiting future possibilities. But being unable to cope in secondary school because you are on the spectrum can.

I hope you don't mind me commenting [hsmile]. I just happened to see this thread in active.