'If I had her for the day, she would soon behave'

[GhostofMammaTJ]

Said about my DD2 who is in the process of trying to get an ADHD diagnosis.

Now, I brought up my DStD from the age of 8 and my own DD who is now 17 and I coped with them. Even with the 'you're not my mum, you can't tell me what to do' and teen years with both of them.

I can cope with my DS age 6. I just cannot cope with my DD age 7 and neither can anyone else. Noone else will look after her for me at all (except DP but like mehe has no choice but to get on with it).

What makes this woman, who knows my DD1 quite well think that her behaviour is a failing in my parenting rather than a genuine condition?

I know my friend had all this with her DS before and after diagnosis and I am going to have to get used to this kind of comment, but it is infuriating!!

I have deliberately stayed away from that thread, just because I think that the poor woman needs support, not a thread about her child on MN!! Maybe I should post on there and get her to point her 'friend' over here!!

I know my friends kids groan when they know I am bringing my DD with me, but love to see my DS. So damn unfair. Especially as their big brother is the one I know with ADHD! He got his diagnosis around three years ago though and they are only 8 and 5, so do not remember the worst of it. My friend at least does not refuse to spend time with us. She has been a great support. Her DS has now 'outgrown' his meds. He is due a review. He is mid teens. Almost a man to look at now.

Oh yes, I've been told similar. DS (ADHD/ODD/ASD) doesn't sleep well and we've had 'He'd sleep if he was mine' - because, of course, I've failed in that respect.

I don't speak to my dad anymore after he suggested hitting him would cure all - you don't beat autism out of him. (was straw that broke the camel's back)

I haven't spoken to my dad for years but his sister, my aunt is my rock!! My dad, who rarely saw me, judged me for making my DD1 say thank you for a biscuit! I needed to do that with her. He does not even know about DD2 and DS though.

So sad to see another family broken apart, Ghost - how are you with that? I am still grieving, it's only been since feb and he doesn't see he's done wrong. He's done SO much wrong, including voicing to the whole family that DS' problems are not medical and are as a result of my poor parenting (he lives in Spain, never see's us, and not once has anyone else, professional or friend/family mentioned a concern about our parenting.

I've had the "I'd soon sort him out" comment from behind me in the post office queue (ds was lying on the floor), closely followed by the 'helpful' advice from the lady behind the counter that it was obvious he needed a good run round the park (it had taken me over half an hour to get him to do what would usually be a five minute walk to the post office and I was already dreading the walk home!).
All the way home I alternated between seething and wanting to have a good cry. I so wish I'd been brave enough to reply in a bright voice with "oh thank goodness, just wait a mo while I phone the National Autistic Society and tell them the cure has been found!" I'm sure I'd have felt so much better .

Ghost Tell them to stuff their comments up their arse
I know a mum who had twins with a myriad of problems, she had 1DS with her in a large supermarket he went off on one (age 9) threw himself on the floor and screamed. A "lady" stood there and said "if he was mine I would give him a bloody good hiding" Friend opened handbag and handed woman DS's DLA benefit book (many years ago when DLA was paid weekly) and said you bloody well look after him you might find this useful and proffered the book
the woman shot off, Hold your head up high and ignore the silly fools

2old, great tactic.

Trying to think of update: maybe gratefully accepting their kind babysitting/ therapy offer whilst getting out the smartphone and trying to synch calendars immediately?

2old, I like her style!!

Maria, I should start doing that. Maybe someone, sometime, will take me up on it.