Please help, older dd has hurt baby dd, what will happen now?

[used2bthin]

I feel such a failure, dd1 has been violent at school and towards baby dd2 for a while, in fact last week I was at the GP with a bad back caused by dd1 kicking me. She is six with severely disordered speech and lang amongst other things.

I had already asked the dr for PCAMHS referral which is done, I asked about help in the mean time and other than speak to health visitor there isnt much so I have been trying different strategies, really making sure there isnt chance to hurt the baby but today she dropped an ornament on her head deliberately. Thank god the baby seems ok but we are off to the dr to get her checked out and I feel they will think I havent managed to keep her safe. Dropped dd1 at school and explained to them in private that although she had a bad start I have to bring her in otherwise she will think hurt baby=day off-she has tried this before. Genuinely dd1 does not understand the consequences but she was worried by my reaction-however as we got close to school she tried to grab dd2's face in the pram so I had to carry her to keep her safe.

Anyone had this? What will the GP do?

This is bringing back horrible memories for me of when mine were little and I was over-protective of DD2. Poor DD1 didn't get a look in and had to keep back, but she didn't exhibit any deliberately antagonising behaviours, she was just a bit clumsy. But to me, DD2 was too fragile and I couldn't risk it. I like to think she didn't see it as rejection but she probably did.

Try to remember that even though DD1's behaviour appears to be because she wants to hurt/upset DD2, it is really not. She wants to get a reaction from you and this is the only way she thinks she can get it. One day she will learn other ways to get your attention and learn that she has to treat DD2 with care.

Try to make sure you get plenty of 1 to 1 time with DD1 and let someone take care of DD2 for you.

Thanks, will have to see if I can get her some slippers with bells on! She is as neat freak/rules obsessed as DH and wouldn't wear shoes in the house even if we told her she could unfortunately! What a great idea though and she would love it!

acchillea I keep thinking thank goodness dd2 doesn't have dd1s condition as she can' deal with injury or illness without extra meds and it was extremely scary in the early days- I would have had a nervous breakdown if there was also an older child around with germs and behaviour stuff going on too.

meant to say yes about remembering why she does it. So hard as it upsets me so much but I know its her need rather than being horrible. Her behaviour has really deteriorated this year but her steroids have been out too so that is only just getting better and she's had so much change.

Oh, lougle if you're about? Or anyone with similar children, do you/did you have anthing for your dd when out and about? I have been struggling since she outgrew the buggy and just tend to aoid where possible trips with usy roads etc as dd1 is prone to running off or lying on the floor. At legland we borrowed a big buggy thing and what a change! we all had a happy, calmer day and were able to be there. Wondering if I can occasionally hire a mac major or whether o get a second hand one and then have dd2 in the sling on those occasions its just me.