As the day dawned so a did a few other things...

[thriftychic]

its dawned that this is probably going to be my lot , this is not going to fix.

yesterday the doctor pretty much said that ds2 was on the spectrum , hes 13.

his brother (16) is also extemely quirky , but in a good way really, as in he is exceptionally clever and happy and has now at the grand old age of 16 got some decent friends . When he was little i had a terrible time with him but i had never heard of autism and i was 20 and naieve. he is now fine but cannot stand ds2 at all. i think he is also on the spectrum.

before all the drama with ds2 started ( he is not fine or happy) i have always had a difficult relationship with dp and we would both aggree ( i think) that had it not been for the kids we would have gone our seperate ways. dp is just like ds2 . i really think the struggles and upsets i have had are because dp is also asd.

the last 20 years of my life have been crazy, i have struggled to maintain something that looks like normality , a happy family , but it never gets any better. i although there have been some good times its been a rather large hell aswell.

it has dawned that it wont get better , they are all asd , no wonder my words dont sink in.
no wonder no one gets on for more than 10 minutes and family trips out are a disaster. no wonder my mother constantly comments that she cant understand why everything is always such a stress and an upset in my house .

maybe im bloody asd too or perhaps they have all just sent me doolally.

(((hugs)))

If they do have ASD, then no, it's not going to go away or be fixed, but it can get better. Once you get a clearer understanding of the reasons behind the behaviour you can start to come up with strategies to deal with them. It won't be a quick fix, but it will definitely improve your day to day life.

We have a similar household, people constantly comment about how stressful and compliated my life is and how we seem to lurch from one crisis to another, but we manage and are generally a happy family.

Ds1 is 10 and has AS, ds2 (8) has 'traits' and Joint Hypermobility Syndrome, dd (3) is nt, as far as I know at this moment in time, I have an as-yet undiagnosed neurological disorder and dh? Well let's just say dh is pretty quirky too.

My best advice to you is to read, ready LOTS. There are stacks of websites and books available on ASD and they can really help you unpick behaviours and come up with strategies to deal with them. The first ones I read were:

Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
Can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome
Me, My Emotions and my Brother with Asperger's Syndrome
Parenting a Child with Asperger Syndrome: 200 Tips and Strategies
Appreciating Asperger Syndrome: Looking at the Upside - with 300 Positive Points
and we have recently bought, Survival Guide for Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders, which ds1 has found really helpful.

There's also the NAS website.

... and stick around here, there are lots of lovely people in a similar position to you and there's always someone around to offer support, both practical and emotional.

thankyou moosemama , i will defo get reading some of those.

the doctor seems to think ds2 has asd , he has had a session with him last week and a session with us yesterday. previously ds2 had the ados and was deemed fine.

the doctor said he is going to go to the school next.
what will happen if school say he is fine ?

Bearing in mind the fact that he didn't meet the criteria for an ASD diagnosis via the ADOS, have they considered anything else other than ASD? There can be a lot of crossover symptoms between ASD and things like for example, DCD (Developmental Co-ordination Disorder/Dyspraxia) Social Communication Disorder and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder.

It might be worth googling those as well and seeing whether you think any of them match your ds better.

DS1's diagnosis was a close call between Non-Verbal Learning Disorder and Aspergers, but for him the ADOS was the deciding factor. His diagnosis report states that his non-verbal skills are particularly poor and therefore trainers/supporters/parents should consider some of the strategies that are appropriate for NVD as well as those appropriate for ASD.

School may well say he's fine, ours did for years, as he held himself together at school pretty well, right up until the point he had a breakdown in year 3. The only thing you can do is push and fight them on it I'm afraid. If you really can't get anywhere, a private Educational Psychologist's assessment might be useful. A decent doctor will consider the evidence from all settings, so, both home and school and neither one should negate the other, iyswim. It's good that he's approaching the school, as it means he's considering the whole picture, rather than just one aspect.