Excluded from school again!!!!!

[CatWantsPeopleFood]

I had a thread here before with more of the background stuff but I can't find it anymore, so I'm starting a new one. Not sure what it will achieve but I need to vent I am so angry with the school right now because they have excluded DD (age 6) again today. I know its not their fault and they are following procedures etc and what DD did was wrong but the exclusion is not going to stop her behaviour and is quite likely (going on past experience) to make it slightly worse in the short term as well.

Ok well DD's first day back today and it appears to have gone not too badly although her class teacher was not present at hometime so I can only go by DD's personal view of the day. She only had 2 'bads' throwing a pencil in class and kicking a child that was following her at playtime (this is a recurring issue) and several 'goods'- a teacher who used to work with her last year visited and she 'hugged and kissed him cos she missed him so much' and also she did her favourite lesson-RE

So now I'm in the process of writing an email to school and wanted some feedback on the things I am planning on putting in it. so far I have written:

-Asking for written confirmation of what was discussed at DD's reintergration meeting today (DD and the other child involved are to be kept apart at all times, for all staff to be aware of this and support DD in avoiding the child, and for the behaviour team worker to contniue working with DD on alternative strategies when she feels anger towards others)

-Request a list of what the school consider to be the problems DD has at school/what types of problematic behaviour she displays/ whether they have a clear idea of the causes or triggers for it (I do kind of know this, I think, but would really like to have it as a clear list and in writing) Also I want to ask what current strategies they have in place for dealing with each problem and how they plan to assess their effectiveness and when the strategies will be reviewed

-An outline of the process for getting a statement for DD, with timescales and showing what stage they are currently at with it. I have also asked if the would suggest I also request one as a parent and whether they need any other input from myself or anything else I could be doing in their opinion

• finally I have requested that i receive daily communication via the class teacher regarding how DD's day has been. I have suggested maybe the use of a contact book as she is not always around at hometime and a childminder also collects DD some days (plus this will mean it is all in writing) in particular I want to ask that I am always informed about any incident where DD is physically restrained by staff, why it was necessary, who did it and whether it resolved the situation, as this is something that DD gets particularly distressed about (and I am becoming increasingly concerned about the frequency it is occuring) yet they very rarely tell me when it has happened

do you think this will be ok to send? Should I take anything out or word it a particular way? anything else I should add?

NO CHILD SHOULD BE EXCLUDED AT THE AGE OF 6 YEARS OLD

Sorry about the shouting but you have been given loads of good advice which I won't repeat. Just know that this is not a good school DS had behaviour much worse than you describe and much more often. He used to hit other children over the head with things in nursery and throw buckets of cold water on them. He regularly hit, scratched, kicked and spat at staff and other children. We all worked together and by the end of year 1 we were down to 3-4 times a week and at the end of year 2 they were less than 1 a week. He has never been excluded once. He has had consequences and punishments along with strategies to manage things. The school gave DS 1:1 from reception onwards and applied for the statement themselves in year 1. It was in place for end of year 1.

DS is having a few issues again in year 3 but again we are all working together. Children with these problems don't improve overnight. It takes long term work and if the school is not committed to that you need to think carefully about whether it is the right school.

I am only telling you this to explain that not all schools are like this. I would noit say ds's school is perfect and I have issues with some of what they do but they fundamentally have ds's best interests at heart not just their budget.

Personally I don't think a child of DDs age should be excluded either, but that is the school rules so I have to accept it. I also think that it can increase problems if the child makes the link that bad behaviour at school gets them time off, especially when they find the school environment quite stressful as in DDs case. I don't see why she can't just be taken to another room, if she isn't coping in the class, disrupting others or putting them in danger. I've been told she has 1:1 most of the time anyway so it shouldn't be a problem but I get told they have to be seen to punish all bad behaviour. IMO they have used my DD to set an exmapl of bad behaviour and its consequences to the other children and she has become labelled as the 'naughty child'

Are there any other schools she could go to?
This one really doesn't seem to be working.

At my DCs school, in year 3 a boy joined who hard already been permanent lay excluded from two schools. He was quite a damaged boy, he deliberately provoked teachers and was angry and resentful at school. I was actually surprised when I saw him out with his family as he seemed so much more open and happy.
Now after two years at DCs school he is a totally changed boy. He is not an angel but he no longer appears "closed" and shut off, and seems pretty much like a normal kid. This is because he is in a school where they have proved he is going to stay, where he can trust them and where no child is written off.

There is 1 other school that is a possibility but it is much further away and also in the opposite direction to where I need to be in the mornings and also doesn't have breakfast/after school clubs so would mean some quite major changes to all our lives. Plus they would need to accept DD (I can see that another school may not want to take her on with these problems) and her brother too as I wouldn't be able to be in 2 places at once. Also I don't really want to go through with all that stress of moving schools only to find it doesn't improve the problems (could also make them worse) so I will just keep it as a back up plan if things get really bad. If money was no object there would be more choices (I know exactly where I would send both DC and they would love it) but unfortunately it isn't and won't be for the foreseeable future.