Anyone else have a 'lazy' DS?

[joelalie]

Hi,

don't know if anyone can help me. My DS#1 (9) has just had his parent's evening. The teacher's first words to DH (I had to stay home to look after the kids) were..'what are we going to do with your son?' . She tells us that he is basically too laid-back....he never finished a piece of work as he runs out of time. We've expereinced this at home too. He's very clever, interested in things, popular (although doesn't belong to a 'gang' as such) but it's really hard to get him to do anything that doesn't interest him...such as cleaning his teeth, getting to the toilet on time (he often soils his pants) and doing homework. He even chucks apple cores behind the sofa rather than take them to the bin . DH just thinks he's lazy and we need to encourage him more.....well, we've never managed to 'encourage' him to do anything he doesn't want to up till now...we've tried star charts, getting cross, pleading , withholding or offering extra pocket money. Nothing seems to make a difference. He simply doesn't seem to care about consequences. But this time I think there might be a real problem..... when I broached the subject of his slowness at school he started to cry...he's very aware that he's the only one on his table that doesn't finish work and he's terrified of being put down a table (to the bottom). It seems to me that he has actually accepted the possible consequence of his 'laziness' but can't do anything about it.

His maths and reading are quite good and up till now he's always been OK as they haven't really had to do much writing. The knowledge is there but it's hard for him to show what he knows.
Previous teachers have been able to see his good points...this one is more concerned with getting stuff down on paper and that is DS's weak point.

His cousin has been diagnosed with mild dispraxia and thinking back to his uncle (my brother) as a child I wonder if he had it too. Is it possible that my son has a problem. DH thinks it's just bone idleness that he will grow out of but I'm getting concerned.

Sorry to waffle on but I am really beginning to worry now.

TIA

Bink, does your DS have a diagnosis of dyspraxia? DS1 (who I think I described on the dreamers thread) sounds very like LIZS' DS too, but is kind of borderline, so he struggles with all those things, but seems to get by. He has just learned to do a zip and ride a bike (7.5), and can't master knife and fork/laces. (We haven't really tried laces). He can tell a wonderful story orally, but can't get it down on paper. Teachers don't really see a problem apart from messiness and compulsive fidgeting.

Sorry, by the way, not meaning to hijack, but I always hover on the dyspraxia threads because so much of it matches DS1.

Pixel - I know what you mean about reading a list of symptoms and as if they are describing DS

He wasn't able to climb over a "5 bar gate" and we never realised why, then read a dyspraxia book and it described another boy having exactly the same problem as him

It was a lightbulb moment

He had already had his DX but we didn't know much about dyspraxia and what it was we got books to explain it to us

mummeee.... my dyspraxic daughters the same.. she has to practise things loads of times before she can do it right.... things just don't come easy to her...

Kangamummy, We've always known dd was behind on the physical stuff, bike riding, climbing etc but as she's tiny for her age and has never been keen on 'outdoor' activities we just put it down to that. But we've never had any real worries about her because she has always been very bright academically. For instance she was never keen on drawing or writing but was reading well at 3 so we just accepted she'd do other things in her own time. However, just lately (she's just turned 10) the gap between her abilities and her friends' seems to be widening and she gets very upset about people 'laughing at her'. We went to see her teacher because we were worried about the amount of 'tummy aches' and 'headaches' she was having on school mornings when she previously loved school and were afraid she was being bullied, but in general discussion we did bring up the subject of her very poor handwriting too.

Now I look at this list and see all the things that have been put down to laziness or being over sensitive. Slow at dressing (her teachers have been complaining about this for years), inability to remember instructions, barely able to use a knife and fork, tasks left unfinished. These things happen all the time.

As you say- a lightbulb moment. I feel bad that we've missed this but an awful lot of things make sense all of a sudden. Thanks for your list, and thanks to Jolalie for starting this thread.

And last year she was being kept in at breaktimes because she wasn't getting her work finished in class .

Pixel glad that you now have an explanation for her

DS is in class 6 and about to go to senior school, with different classes, books etc. A complete nightmare for him to be organized enough.

DH teaches there so he is already used to the layout, so hopefully won't get lost,

The difference between him and his classmates physically is very upsetting for us

LAst year they went on a school holiday for a week in north wales and one of the other children was helping him climb over a stile talking him through where he should put his feet and hands, which was very kind and understanding of his friend

Am i right in thinking that dyspraxia is part of the Autistic Spectrum?

It isn't per se afaik but is one of the conditions which can overlap with others .

singersgirl, no he doesn't have a dx of dyspraxia - he doesn't have a dx of anything (apart from a SALT saying "if it was worse we'd call it verbal dyspraxia"), because despite him ticking lots (most) of RTKM's boxes below, and me always having been a bit anxious about him, and having had pretty much every nursery worker and teacher mention concerns, when I've taken him to see professionals they've all said his difficulties weren't, in the scheme of things, that serious. (He hasn't seen an OT, though.)

I do sort of agree with both sides - he's definitely out on the end of the continuum with other kids at school (the only one out of 70 who had to have a teacher posted next to him in the reception nativity play, etc.) - but with enough encouragement, and imaginative teaching, he does get the hang of things - so his difficulties are at the level of "finds it unusually hard" not "can't". Eg in the last few weeks I've done remedial skipping lessons and scootering practice, and he can do both now, and is rather proud. He is nowhere near bike-riding though.

Another example is his pencil grip, which was flagged up in reception etc. as a huge problem - but now (year 2), after loads of input from us and effort by him, he has a lovely graceful natural grip, which I find myself trying to get dd (5.5 and otherwise very well co-ordinated) to copy.

Sorry for length of reply - hope helpful?

Yes, that is helpful. He sounds pretty similar to DS1, although the only professional we did see was an OT (at his teacher's instigation in Y1) - who pronounced him bottom end of normal for gross motor, borderline for fine motor, but not worryingly so, and not ADHD because he could complete a puzzle on a wobbly tray.

He is 7.5 (Y3) and only learned to skip last year. He can't really swing himself on a swing and is very awkward at stuff like scootering. The bike was a real triumph for him.

Like Joelalie's son, it's very difficult to get him to do or learn anything he doesn't want to.

DH thinks I've got the educational equivalent of Munchausen's by Proxy, as I'm convinced something isn't quite right and every so often think about getting a full educational psychologist's assessment. Actually the differences are highlighted for me with DS2 starting school.

All his teachers also say there's an attention issue, but it's not ADHD. Should really start a new thread with this and will probably do so one day.

Swinging, oh yes!!

We were in a playground recently with dd swinging herself away and me trying and trying with ds - now your legs OUT no OUT no NOW BACK no not your BOTTOM your LEGS.

I was a bit embarrassed as we left to overhear another dad say quietly to ds "I thought you were doing really well with your swinging". (Nice of him, though.)

The difference here, which I realise I'm lucky with, is that ds is basically a very compliant little chap. He really does try.

I have lots of thoughts on ed psychs (generally positive, but dull to those not immediately interested), which I'd be happy to share off-board if you like? CAT me if so!

Thanks Bink! If I can work out CATing I will do so, as I am interested. Bit late now...