Delayed bottle refuser - how do you stop breastfeeding?

[Ouchdownthere]

Am in a bit of a pickle with my DS breastfeeding. He is 10 months, delayed across the board and a bottle refuser. OT thinks he may have a sensory issue and certainly there is an issue with him always having hands in mouth.

Ideally I would stop BF'ing now but happy to continue as he can't hold cup etc but when and how do I stop?! He isn't going to wake up tomorrow and be able to drink large quantities from a cup so don't now what to do. He has BF morning and evening and currently one during the night.

Accepting I can't easily stop Bf'ing I still would really love a night out, go out with some friends, let my hair down and drink white wine without fretting about how much. I am not currently doing this due to the bed time and night feed.

Does anyone have this experience, do I just suck it up and know that at some point he will stop bf'ing and I can go out then? Or do I just go out and know he might be cranky going to bed without the feed but that it won't kill him to go without a feed during the night, even if that does entail crying.

Can't get my head around how mean I am to go out and leave him unable to have a feed or whether am just being pathetic and indulgent and should just go guilt free. He eats well and takes sips from a cup so he won't starve or go thirsty.

I went cold-turkey (or rather he did) but he was 15 months. After a couple of days of sucking/biting any exposed flesh he could find he accepted that milk came from a bottle and not me. Couldn't move straight to cups though and the only way I could be sure of getting enough fluid into him was to accept going back to bottles as he would have dehydrated before he drank from a cup. It wasn't until I had given up BF though that he would drink from a bottle - definately preferred breast (for milk and as a human dummy) and had been a steadfast refuser - even of expressed milk in a bottle with a special teat.

I couldn't bf my youngest DS, so he was bottle fed. At 10mos he suddenly just refused to take milk or bottles. (should have know then that he had sensory issues!). So it took about a month of persevering with a Tommee Tippee cup with (embarrassed to admit this) strawberry nesquik. He had to make do with sloppy food, until he understood how to manage a cup. I think it was a number of factors with him; a) the taste of the milk, switched from formula to cows still refused b) he didn't want to be held while being bottle fed, so we switched to feeding him in a bouncy chair. He is still unbelievably fussy about food, but that is purely down to his sensory issues.

My NT DD never drank from a bottle and has never drunk milk other than BM. She survived perfectly happily on yoghurt and a bit of juice for super every Tuesday when her mean mummy went swimming.

Oh she is now 11 and will drink white hot chocolate and milkshake. She still absolutely refuses to drink either water or plain milk. Oddly her father will not drink milk either.

Thanks for the tips and experiences. Will persevere for a couple of months and then it's looking like cold turkey time.

erm

What if you just keep breastfeeding till it looks like your dc doesn't need it anymore? I know loads of toddler breastfeeders, and they all have a guilt-free glass of wine from time to time. It's not like feeding a tiny newborn. Not much alcohol gets into the milk anyway, because most of it is diluted in your blood.

I'm not suggesting get totally bladdered, but as a rule of thumb, if you're under the limit for driving you're likely to be more than ok for breastfeeding. Especially if you give them a monster feed before drinking so there's a decent gap before the next feed.

I weaned ds1 (various special needs including asd with sensory stuff) at just over a year, but have gone on to feed his siblings for longer than I did him. in hindsight, i'd have benefitted from continuing as it was the one time when he was truly comfortable and relaxed, and it seemed to be a quick way to bypass some of the awful meltdowns which I now know were asd-overload-zoned out. He also used to give lovely smily eye contact during feeds, which i then had to wait nearly 7 years to get back.

Plus the breastmilk 'tastes' of various different foods which you've eaten so there is a theory it might help prevent some food aversions from developing not sure if there's any scientific proof but it sounds plausible)

Good point mariamamma, he is really chilled when he feeds, and I love that, it's a great moment of peace in what can be chaos.

God, it won't kill him to go without a bit of milk whilst I go out and paint the town a lighter shade of red, doesn't mean I need to stop all together.

mariamma even!

I had this problem with my DS3 (think I posted about it on here or in behaviour/development at the time). I ended up bf'ing till he was over 2, as he would not take fluid from any other means. I tried a plethora of bottles and cups, but he refused to drink (even if I expressed breast milk) from any receptacle. After 24hrs I gave up as he obviously wasn't going to! He has lots of sensory problems (which I didn't fully appreciate at the time).

In the end, at 26 months, my DH took him away for the weekend to the in-laws and they managed to get him to take small amounts of orange squash from a tea-spoon (he wouldn't drink milk). This was after he'd refused all fluids for 1.5 days, apart from in his breakfast cereal. Eventually he started drinking from a sippy cup (but it had to be a specific one ), but within a few months he was happily drinking from any cup and would get all his fluid intake from that.

He is nearly 4 now and still only drinks orange squash, so I try not to make it too strong. It is really hard getting DCs off the breast when they are so resistant, so I do sympathise

Wow zen, I feel for you. Tough going for you I am sure if it's not necessarily what you wanted to be doing.

Did your DS3's sensory issues affect his development at all? DS is stuck at rolling as his hands are in his mouth more often than not. He seems reluctant to reach and the OT is exploring the possibility it's a sensory issue. am trying hand on hand but he just pulls away.

DS2 lost interest when he was about 2.5

To be honest, I didn't care about nights out and was glad that he was getting the best nutrition he could, since sensory difficulties meant he had a really restricted solid diet when he was little.

Sorry if that's not much help to you.

mariamma - DS2 used to look so deeply into my eyes when he was nursing and, you know what, he still stares into my eyes really intensely when he's eating something he enjoys - almost 4 years later!

Ouch, DS3 has recently been diagnosed with ASD, and I have to say that it seems to be his sensory problems (and stubborness!) that continue to affect his development. For example, he will not touch things with certain textures, like wet, sticky, gooey things. He wont go near paint or touch play-dough. He only eats dried food (apart from yogurt and weetabix). He didn't put his hands in the water until he was well over 1 yr old and even now hates having his hands washed, but just about tolerates it for a short time.

I think it is reassuring that your DS eats well, taks sips from a cup and sucks his hands. My DS did not put anything into his mouth (even his hands) at any stage in his development. He refused all solids until he was 12 months. Like your DS though, he didn't reach for things as a baby, which delayed his fine motor skills a bit because he was not exploring things with his hands, but his OT has said those skills are age appropriate now (though he has always had quite delayed gross motor skills).

ouryve, one of the reasons I didn't try to wean DS off the breast earlier was because of his restricted diet. I reasoned that at least he was getting something that was good for him!

Thanks zen, it seems to be a very complex area, very difficult to get my head around it.