Copy of school file received, your thoughts please?

[claw4]

Extremely same school file received today, mainly copies of letters i have sent to school.

However short background, to cut a long story short, ds suffers with anxiety and self harms, school are denying this, despite being told by CAMHS in writing and verbal that ds's anxiety was school related. He was discharged from CAMHS about 9 months ago and school were given recommendations from CAMHS on ongoing support for ds, none of which school have followed. They have instead been giving ds 'sand time' with a TA once a week and supposedly the chance to talk about any anxieties during this time for 9 months.

I have applied for a statement recently and since then school and LA are now trying to blame me for ds's anxiety and self harm and have also reported me to SS.

Anyhow on school file i have found notes

first one ds is questioned about worries in school about 8 months ago, he says 'not doing enough work and having to miss playtime because of it' then worries at home 'he says spiders falling on him in the bath, his teeth falling out, his dog dying'

Second note about 6 months ago, ds is taken to SENCO by a TA he says he is upset because 'people are calling him a liar, children are following him around at playtime asking questions and annoying him, children are chasing him and hitting him, no one wants to play with him, people lie to get him trouble' he asks SENCO to share this with my mum.

Third note 4 months ago (after applying for statement) ds is questioned again about worries in school 'hardly anything to worry about'. Worries at home 'when my brother pulls me out of his bedroom, when mums upset she cries that worries me, worried that i dont know a lot about my brother i dont like asking my mum i am worried she will get angry, sometimes she shouts, when mum and dad argue, i cry, they shout quite a lot and i feel sad'

Ds's dad and i seperated over 2 years ago and neither ds or myself have had any contact with him and well the rest is just rubbish, my other ds's are 19 and 16, they are toddlers pulling each other about.

What do you think? sorry for the long post.

A bunch of lies made up to make them look good and you look bad? Did you use to argue loudly with ex? Could he remember that? Or just more lies? I wonder if he would repeat this to an impartial party? Or not?!

No we never used to argue loudly, we split up for other reasons, but not constant arguing. Its strange how my ex and I split up shortly after ds began his year and halfs worth of therapy at CAMHS and ds never mentioned anything about dad and i arguing or mum crying or mum getting angry or mum shouting or brother pulling him around!

In fact CAMHS comment on the 'safe and caring relationship ds has with his mother and family', also on school file is a note from SENCO commenting 'mum is quiet and calm with ds' ASD team comment 'i am highly skilled at dealing with ds's difficulties'

Seems i have applied for a statement and overnight turned into a angry, shouty, crying incompetent mum!

At least i now know why the SW who came to 'inspect' us was so surprised that ds made no mention on his dad!

for you

Forewarned is forearmed claw. Your ds is lucky to have you in his corner.

Forewarned is forearmed claw. Your ds is lucky to have you in his corner.

I have just asked ds the following

Do you think i cry a lot, he replied i have only ever seen you cry once and that was ages ago and then described to me exactly when he had seen me cry (about a year ago, when the cat died, which is true)

Do you think i get angry and shout a lot, he replied you are never angry or shouty, you are a happy, smiley mum, you are always smiling. Or do you mean like when you shout the dogs name to get him to come in from the garden?

He then added without any prompting "you are good to talk to, you say understandable words, but when you talk adult talk its hard to understand. But if i say to you i dont understand you know to change and use words i do"

He then chatted my ears off for about another 10 minutes about totally random stuff!

Well if this is their evidence I would say you have nothing to worry about!
You can prove the account is wrong as no Dad at home at the time.
So the options are (a) the school got it wrong made it up (b) your DS got it wrong - which means his evidence is unreliable - which means any evidence they say came direct from your DS is also unreliable. None of it undermines your evidence.

Ooops cross posted. Can you ask your DS again and video his responses this time

my first thought was 'did you have the video camera running'!

agree with Agnes - they've not a leg to stand on.

Apparently I'm more of a smiley mum than a shouty one, but only just.

What are they playing at? This is not evidence - it's rubbish.

I think it is highly unprofessional for them to be asking and recording their questioning with a young child in this way? Do they do this to other children? What are they attempting to prove?

Really, how dare they. I would be livid. Not only is it garbage but you and your child have a right to privacy. Tell them to stop asking him intrusive questions like this without your consent, for no good reason and without the presence of an adult capable of giving parental consent for him.

This is not a child protection issue. They are way out of line.

I was thinking of just writing it down, i think video at this time could go against me, they are making a big song and dance about me taking photos of the injuries ds has caused himself, which is why they reported me to SS ie i am making ds anxious and self conscious etc, etc.

If ds is unreliable, it would undermine some of my evidence ie his constant, consistent reporting to me of things that worry him in school which i have recorded in the contact book for 2 years (these are also very muddled)

Although that is kind of my point i suppose that ds is confused by situations and doesnt understand what is going on.

For example he will come from school saying he had to miss 5 playtimes for chasing a bee in the playground, he will be going on about how unfair it is and getting himself into a state, then stop eating, stop sleeping where he cant work out what he did wrong etc.

He told school he is a vegeterian, he doesnt eat meat or fish, yet he eats fishfingers, chicken nuggets and sausage rolls at home!

Although i cannot see ds saying in a million years of his own free will that i am angry, shouting and crying, he always goes OTT about how much he loves me etc, he even writes lists telling me he loves me because i am kind, caring, cute, smiley etc, etc

Thank you Agnes there is my answer, what ds says cannot be relied upon.

Hi AE, apparently this is their anxiety management, which they are using to try and blame me for ds's anxiety and self harming since i applied for a statement.

No - whatever they call it, it is still unacceptable. They are not clinicians.You have not given consent. It is unacceptable to question a child about his home life unless there are serious child protection concerns and they need to record them.

You are quite right AE, i am scribbling down what you are saying, thanks.

I am being 'stitched up', i also found on LA file, that the case officer was in the process of drafting a statement last time i applied for a statement, but a few weeks later at 'panel' they decided to report me to SS.

My solicitor is just saying leave everything and we can use it if and when we need to, but i feel like bursting.

I think your solicitor is probably right. They will look ridiculous explaining why they have been questioning a child like this.

They will probably say ds expressed all this to them, they didnt ask.

Although the sheet of paper it is on there are two circles one has school written in it, the other circle has home and then lines coming out from it where worries are written, like a sun. It would not occur to ds to just volunteer this information unless asked

Also after the incident where TA took him to SENCO because TA could not settle ds 'people are calling him a liar, children are following him around at playtime asking questions and annoying him, children are chasing him and hitting him, no one wants to play with him, people lie to get him trouble'

SENCO phoned me and suggested 'sand time' with a TA/mentor 'talks around worries and how we feel when we are worried. Using games and books around emotions. Trying to get ds to understand that it is ok to feel worried but if we dont talk to someone about a small worry it can get bigger'

I agreed to this

Sorry missed some of your posts yesterday

Thanks Cornzy, Latedevelop, Ellen and Silver

I also have another dilemma this morning. Ds tells me last night 'he doesnt want go to school' when asked why, he told me her hasnt been able to do any work in literacy for 3 days and has been given a detention for doing his work.

He tells me he doesnt understand what he is supposed to be doing, i told him he needs to tell the teacher and they will explain, he says he did tell the teacher, they did explain, but he still didnt understand. He was then asking the children on his table what to do, but still didnt understand.

He says he thinks he is not good at listening because there is too much noise, like children tapping their pencils on the talbe and he cannot think of what to write.

I also received his 'new' IEP dated July which i saw for the first time yesterday on school file. One of the unbelievable targets is 'to ask a friend if he is unsure of anything before asking the teacher'

Ds has only gone back to this school so that he can have asessments done for SA on advice of solicitor.

Now i could write a note to his teacher in home/school book saying that he doesnt understand, all this will lead to his teacher 'talking' to ds about it. Also if i alert the school they will just make sure that ds has a TA with him for when assessments are done.

As cruel as it sounds i sent ds back to this school knowing that he would fall flat on his face, i had no choice.

So would you bring this up with the school knowing they are not going to do anything about it or let ds continue to fail?

How long till he can be assessed by an independent ed pysch? I'd only keep him there till the day she can observe/produce report and then he'd be home with me the following week till tribunal tbh. (our wait for Tribunal took 6 months, Indy Ed Pysch saw him a good 4 months befor Tribunal date).

This approach would only work if you are going to ask for a different school placement in part 4.

December my EP will be going in to assess and yes i will be asking for a different school placement in part 4.

Also discovered in ds's school file, that school arranged an observation and assessment without informing me with a visual impairment outreach team, he was observed last week and she went back today to assess him. According to ds he told her about his difficulties with literacy, we will see if it features in her report or not.

Also just had a phone call from another SW, who knew nothing about previous SW's involvement wanting to make an appointment to see me, apparently school have concerns about me home eding ds (im not and never have been!)

Your thread has just prompted me to ask DS if I'm a snouty mum or a happy mum? His reply
Mummy trumps and mummy picks a nose ha ha ha mummy scruff mum
:( OMG hope nobody ever asks him that question at school
DISCLAIMER I do non of the above :)

Lol Strong, according to my latest list 'you are the best because you are cute, charming, kind, nice, pretty and i wear nice dresses' I dont think i even own a dress I am sat here in cardy, jeans and trainers!!

Ds goes way OTT on the i love you thing, he has great difficulty with 'appropriate' and boundaries, he will tell a total stranger that he loves them and give them a hug. He is overly afffectionate and overly nice!

Claw I wish DS was overly lovely to people
With the few words he has he always manages to point out there faults :) on his first visit to the school he's starting next week he said to the HT "you a boy or girl cos I ain't got a clue" lol she is very butch looking

@ you a boy!!

I dont know, it has its down side, the reason he is so overly lovely to people is because he has extremely low self esteem and he wants everyone to 'like' him, he is constantly seeking the approval of others, he lets others take advantage him and takes everything very personally.