Do your kids go on school trips?

[lisad123]

That's it really.
Dds have done day trips and dd1 has done an over night stay.
Her new school do a week long trip later in the year and don't think I can let her go :(

Yes. And other uniformed youth trips.

I think it's a really important step towards independence, and as long as handled carefully, with support and discussion in the planning stages, is a huge boon to self confidence in most cases.

My kids do, but I know they're fine.

It's totally up to you if you want her to go or not. She doesn't have to go.

If she can do it, or it's only just outside her comfort zone it'll be good for her.

Whereas if it's way outside her comfort zone I wouldn't let her go either.

I think she would manage one or two days but a week of holding it all together in a brand new places away from every support she has seems too much of a risk to her mh.

My DC (ASD) go on residential trips. Started with short ones in the UK so I knew that if the worst happened. They have found them stressful, but did enjoy them.

They have always had allocated a room to themselves so have quite space to hide in :)

My DD year 11 is off next year to Italy for a week, longest and furthest trip yet. She is anxious already, but as it is fieldwork for Geog GCSE is is importnat she goes for this.

lisad,

do what you need to do re planning and then let her go. stay in a b&b next door if you have to, but let her have these experiences whilst she is still young enough for you to make all better anything that goes wrong, which it probably will, but there will also be things that go very right.

how far away will it be?

I would arrange with the school on day at a time x or stay close and if she doesn't settle then make arrangements to pick her up and go back to where you are staying on the agreement that she comes back to strt off the next day at breakfast time so won't miss out on the social aspect x

Would it be possible for DD to go for the day and you collect/drop back again? Or collect after a couple of nights for a day/night at home and then return for the rest of the trip?

Or - if too far to do it daily go midway through the week and bring home or spend the day there?

Ds1 has just got back this afternoon from a week long outward bound residential.

The weeks leading up to it were stressful and the morning he left was dreadful, but he loved every minute - as he did the weekend one they did in year 4.

On both occasions I arranged a meeting with the trip leader (which in the first case was the Head Teacher). I typed up briefing notes about ds and how he has different needs outside of school and then went through them point by point with them. I made sure every member of staff accompanying the trip had an up to date copy of his passport, along with a copy of the briefing notes and that the centre they were visiting was also given a copy. I also made sure they were aware that we were more than happy to collect him at any time day or night if he wasn't coping.

I also spent a lot of time preparing him for the trips. We watched YouTube videos of the centre and the activities he was going to be doing. We were also lucky enough to find a video of the inside of the residential buildings, including bedrooms, corridors, dining hall, lounge etc, as well as some more general shots of the site.

He got back at 4.00 today, looking totally exhausted and considerably thinner. His teacher said he was absolutely fine, but I could see he was very strained. We got home, shut the front door and he cried solidly for an hour and a half ...... because he was so sad to be home, having had such a great time! He did exactly the same time last time. Drips and drabs of things that happened have been coming out since then and reading between the lines he has pretty much held himself together for the whole week - hence the emotional outburst when he got home.

He chose not to take most of his bedtime ritual stuff with him, for fear of being teased or getting lost or stolen and he said he coped ok - but looking at him, I'm not sure he slept much for the 4 nights he was there.

I've spent the whole week on pins worrying about him, but I am glad we let him go, as it's a valuable experience for him in terms of him doing things he is afraid of and being able to be genuinely proud of that.

Ds1 has.
At his old school I was a parent helper and went too.
At his new school Im not and dont go and he is fine.
This year his class go on a PGL holiday for 4 days and I am really really nervous about it.
I will be a wreck if he goes and disappointed for him if he doesn't....sigh....

Where is it they are planning to go to? Other mumnetters may have experience of the venue and can answer questions for you

PGL in Dorset, a good 3 hours drive from here.

So the worst that could happen is that your DD has to wait 3 hours for you to get to her.

And on the plus side, if it goes well, this could really help her gain skills and independence.

We all battle for our SN kids, and we know they need our support. And that makes it is really hard sometimes to let go. But if we don't try we could end up another barrier in their lives.

I think you should try to work towards her going. If it is too big a hill to climb, then fine, but give a good shot.

It's three hours on a good run, not sure how long on bad day
I know I need to let her try new things and we did a huge amount of work before one overnight, not sure how you plan for a week!!
I have a while to consider it, and we have a trip into that area at xmas so could do a reccy

Yep, but I can't see DS1 handling overnight trips any time soon. Fingers crossed, he's going to be spending his first ever night with my parents at half term. He'll be nearly 9. We were going to attempt it a year ago, but he kicked off bigtime while we were visiting as a family and caused a lot of damage. They're better about locking stuff up now and he's grown up a bit.

does she have 1 to 1 support going with her.
Ds2 has been on both MS & SN trips, on both he has had 1 to1 to talk him through all the activities & help with his evening routine.
TBH the only time he struggled was during the evenign "free time" but after the first evening they made sure they structured in an activity/task for him

Hard to say really. DS2 has missed a few trips, gone on a few trips (all day trips). That was in MS, and when he missed the trips, it was actually our decision, which the school agreed with. Now he's in SS, they regularly go on short outings in the area, which I'm fine with. But they generally do a year-end week long residential - DH & I have already discussed this and we do not feel DS2 will cope with this so will most likely not allow him to go on that this year. We'll keep an open mind, but based on his needs, I'm not anticipating that he would be able to go.

Now he does - but at primary age, there is no way he would have coped sharing a room with classmates and tbh no way they'd have coped sharing with him. I went on a further away one (also a patent helper) and for one that was about an hour and a half away I drive him there every day.

No she doesn't have a 1-1 and it's new school don't know her well yet. I remember the massive meltdown she had after one overnight stay
If I could go I would let her or if it was closer would consider driving her daily.

My DC do have massive meltdowns on their return, but they held it together on the trip. Life is never going to be easy for my DC. For me, learning being able to manage the outside world means being free to let the stress come out at home.

They know that if they really can't cope they can call and I will come and collect them. We look at maps and journey times as part of getting them ready. When discussing the trips, I was always really positive, but at the same time made sure that they had space to say no.

They have really enjoyed them and have begun to develop more of their own coping skills. So although the trips were stressful for them (I'm always a nervous wreck), it was really important opportunity for them to grow.

Just to follow up. Ds had the massive meltdown on his return yesterday and ha this morning been snuggled up in his pjs with his beloved bunny and his head in a book, despite his siblings playing outside. He rarely likes being on his own and we know when he does this he is struggling. He'll stay like this for the whole weekend while he downloads and processes the week. Overall he is so proud of himself for achieving physical feats he never dreamed he could do, but he has obviously been holding himself together for the whole time, which is no mean feat for 4 nights, 5 days.

He did talk about his trip a little last night and it seems he could hold himself together for the actual trip and activities, but found the social side and sharing a room with friends very hard. He's been exposed to pre-teen boys strutting and showing off, so bad language, rude jokes and other inappropriate stuff, which has shaken him a bit, but I guess he has to get used to it, given he'll be starting secondary next September.

He also struggled with the idea of showering and going back to his room with other people around, so didn't shower all week. This was due to the other lads finding it funny to charge around naked and insult each other's private parts! Typical 10/11 year old boys really, but he isn't a typical 10 year old boy - he's a 10 year old boy with a developmental age of around 7, younger in some respects. Again, he will have to shower after PE at secondary, so he needs to be able to handle that sort of behaviour and if he can't, it's good that we now know so that we can sort something out for him next year.

We are just trying to keep communication lines open with him and answer any questions he has about why the others did or said certain things and what is and isn't appropriate. He did repeat one rather choice phrase (in the manner of asking what it meant) at the dinner table in front of dd last night though, so we have asked him to come to us quietly if he has any questions. Bit of a comedy moment because he kept saying "but I only said XXXXX" and we kept saying "yes, we know, but please don't say it again" "but why, what does XXXXX mean?" etc. Just praying dd doesn't repeat it at nursery now.

moosemama It's good that he could manage that - quite an experience, I imagine for him!

DS2 is 6yo and cannot hold himself together for the school day - he will melt down or fall apart wherever and whenever. No "if I can hold on until I get home" button on him at all.