Strangers behaviour towards SN children

[albatros]

I wondered if any of you with children with SN could advise me as to wether my behaviour towards sn children is acceptable, patronising, annoying, or friendly.
If I see a child in a wheel chair or other noticable disability I usually smile at the child and sometimes say hello.
I feel blessed that I don't have a child with a serious disability and know these children are often ignored or stared at. I like to acknowledge them and appear friendly. I don't usually look at the parents but if I catch their eye I smile.
Please tell me honestly if you rather people would speak to you, your child or ignore you. I know I am discriminating in (I feel) a positive way as I do not behave like this to all children, I would appricate your views on this.

Smiling's good, but could I suggest you refer to them as children with sn rather than sn children iykwim

Sorry I stand corrected I did mean children with special needs. I hope this post doesn't cause offence to anyone, but I also don't want to cause offence by continuing to behave this way if it is seen as appropriate. I have joinned in a thread of yours before ntt. My dd2 was iugr and looked / looks a bit different from other children Never once has a stranger said anything to me like they did with dd1 - isn't she sweet etc. they look at her, look at me and then look away.

uhmm - I feel lucky to have dd2. She´s utterly gorgeous, beautiful, and delights me every single day. She bring so much joy to my life.
oh, she also has SN.

i don´t think you´re blessed by not having a child like her!

I don´t like people singling her out because she has SN and they take pity (which is how your post comes across). Neither her nor I are in any way to be pitied.

I want her to be noticed for being beautiful, well-haved and generally delightful, not for having Down´s syndrome.

well-behaved, even

ds1 has made friends with half our street (usually because he's peering in doors and their cars). Our neighbours are all very good and stop to talk to him. One set of (retired) neighbours said they like to watch him get on his school bus each morning (they hear it arrive from their bedroom). our retired next door neighbour likes to lok out for him coming home. yesterday some neighbours stopped me and asked what it is thathe shouts in the street.

I like the fact they notice him and talk to us as they all seem very fond of him.

I would hate to think they felt sorry for us or thought they were blessed not to have him. I know you mean well, but we don't need pity.

My best friend has a DD and DS with Downs Syndrome

He got upset becuase everyone in the playground knew him -- he was in mainstream

And so he was sort of singled out for being dsifferent -- but in a friendly way

With my DS and his dyspraxia and his Hypermobility, I have learnt the hard way, to banadage up his knee so he gets the sympathy rather than laughed at when he is doing sports day 

He runs lopsided and with a limp and very slowly and in previous years he has been laughed at by children and adults <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Angry" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/angry-BLHnmhGV.png"><img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/sad-q5SIe0Cq.png">

I did not mean to sound as if I was piting any child or parent though reading through what I have written I can see it comes across this way. Basically I am trying to acknowledge as an individual as I think many people don't, this might not be a good idea after all.
As for being blessed it is a stupid thing to say. My dd2 was very ill when born and I am blessed that I have her at all, she may well have some SN and it is only now that I see how others react to her that I am questioning my behaviour

Ds1 and ds2 seem to have their own little following when they go into town. They both prefer to follow a set route and so tend to see the same shop staff every week. Most go out of their way to talk to them and others actually keep little presents for them behind the shop counters. I don't honestly know how many realise that ds1 and ds2 have SN. Strangers tend to get lured in by ds2's looks and then have ds1 chattering away to them about anything and everything. :o

CT, my dd2 has a little crowd of 'admirers' as well. makes me smile. she is really entertaining, and most people adore her, as she is so lively and makes other kids laugh.

I would be happy if someone smiled and said hello to dd also I do wish people would get there kids to say hello instead of letting them stand there staring

we had several stares today when out with my husband. he has an LVAD on a trolley, todaywas our first trip out into a crowded place. i swear one blokes head was going to snap off the way he was staring walking past.

My children are both NT, but when DS was 4 he had a Bells Palsy - so had half his face paralysed. It was then I realised what some other Mothers must go through all the time as he looked so ODD. He was too young to care though, but I was very aware of people "trying not to look".

RTKM - I missed your post earlier. How bl**dy awful that so-called adults would laugh at your ds! He's probably got more intelligence and talent in his little finger than they have in their entire pathetic little bodies. Grrr!

Misdee - I'd probably have been tempted to cause the head-snapping-off myself! How can people be so rude and ignorant???!

coppertop, tbh i wasnt really that bothered. tho i di have to do a battery change in the shopping centre, that caused a few more stares. it very obvious as peter is wheeling his machine about and his nurse was pulling the other trolly with a machine on behind her (his spare).

CT Thanks you are lovely

I would rather have people thinking he has an injured banadaged leg/knee and so clapping his effort, than what has happened every year before last year, when they laughed at him and make fun of the way he runs and comment on how slow he is.

He tries so hard and never gives up even when he finishes the race such a long time after everyone else

DH's brother has SN.He used to live at home but since MIL is a widow and 77yo, for some time he's lived in a cared house with 3 other men with SN and carers.
We visit him regularly and everyone really loves seeing the children,there is always a really warm welcome.
My DS's have asked questions about their uncle,
why is he like he is,will he get better and a very sad one, does he know who we are . We have tried to answer their questions as best we can and hopefully it will help them have a better understanding of all people with SN.

If you smile at a child in a wheelchair, or a child with any type of special needs I would hope that you would do so becasus that child caught your eye, and made you smile. I would hope that you didn't just smile at my child just because she has Down's syndrome. I would hope that you looked over, saw a pretty girl, having a good time out in her buggy and that she made you smile.

I feel blessed that I do have a child with special needs and I feel blessed that I then had a child that doesn't. Each child is a gift. My DD with SN's makes me realise that nothing should be taken for granted and my child without makes me realise how easy some things are for her already and make me appreciate my first daughter even more.

My first born, the one with specail needs, is never, ever ignored, far from it. So if you see her in the street, don'ty let that be the reason she gets a smile from you. You need her in the world more than she needs you!

And if you smile at me, great, but let it be becasue your smile says "what a great kid, she's lovely, aren't you lucky'.

Becasue I am, very, very lucky.

So keep smiling, but for all the right reasons.

wow Thomcat

thomcat what a lovely post:o

Thomcat, thank you! you have just summed up everything I wanted to say in reply to this post. I too feel very very lucky to have my dd

Sharon x