New term, new class, same problems

[used2bthin]

DD1 aged nearly 6 has been lashing out at children at school again. She is in a new class with only 23 children, mainstream with 30 hours support. Last year there was less support and she was in a busy unit of 70 children.

I know it is early days and new but I am so disappointed that it has started again already-she is always going to struggle in mainstream I know this. Any experiences? I am going in monday to talk to the teacher as it wasn't me collecting today. The teacher I spoke to on the phone said she ended up going off onto the field for quiet time with her TA this afternoon.

My main advice would be to try not to panic. dd2 aged 7 ASD is in similar situation in mainstream with full time support and I have found she has phases of aggressive behaviour where she can pinch or bite and then she has a good or better phase. Usually when we look at what is happening at the time or just before we can see what has prompted it or can recognise that there were warning signs that things were going pear shaped. Usually I get extremely worried and upset when there has been an incident because i am concerned it will escalate or it will put her placement at risk or other parents will complain. I stress and then a few days later she has settled again! I think this is part of the rollercoaster of being in mainstream or it seems that way. Do you feel school have got enough insight into what your dd's triggers are? Do they anticipate possible flashpoints? For instance with dd if she is told to stop doing a preferred activity she sometimes grabs the nearest person and shows her friustration by nipping them so TA ensures she positions herself and ensures other children are not in nipping distance if she has to tell dd to tidy up or whatever. Are they giving her enough time to de- stress like a run round the field every twenty minutes when she needs it or a timed activity followed by a break outside or in library? Maybe see your meeting as an opportunity to discuss strategies and also how they can prevent the lashing out or at least ensure that others are protected / shielded and also how they can give your dd other options / space to express her frustration.

Thank you and it is helpful to hear of your experiences, I am feeling sick at the thought of going back to dreading pick up time!

She has been pretty dreadful over the summer too and I am wondering about whether to ask for a PECAHMS referral. Last year school identified several triggers (noise, unstructured time , transitions and others) and they did tell the new teacher , I hoped that this more structured environment would help. But could be the change definately.

I am confident the new teacher will look for new triggers and work to get in there first so thats the positive side. Theu are going to take on the sensory integration work too if they can get the info.

But her behaviour is pretty awful after school too and I am not enjoying time with her much so I hope we can sort it. Feeling a bit desperate today but I think you are right these phases come and go. Her meds don't help (steroids for genetic condition)and we have only just got the dose sorted, again this should improve things but hasnt yet. I must try to stay positive!

I have this problem with DS(6) just started year 2 and is in process of getting dx for ASD and tbh I dread the beginning of every term/half term as it's when he is normally at his worst,pick up time is a nightmare, always wondering is teacher will need 'a word'. he has been lucky that he has had the same support worker for 3rd year running and she knows him inside out, she's lovely and for the 1st time he has actually had a non violent start to the year.

We tried so many approaches with ds but the ones that seemed to help the most were a sand timer (so he could see how long he had to stick with a given task then have the same time again on an activity chosen by himself) started with a 5 min timer then increased gradually up to 10, and giving him the choice to have 5 mins 'quite time' if he realises that things are getting too much for him, but by far the most helpful is that his SW knows hm so well and recognises his mood and triggers so well so can head them off before they even start :)

Hope this is helpful in some way, it's a pain I know and it's still a work in progress, but every little gain is something and I've found that concentrating on the little achieves is safer (for me anyway lol)

Thank you that is helpfu. DD also likes timers I must remember to tell them that. She doesnt have much clear speech and limited language too so we need to use a card or something for when she needs quiet time I think but that is a very good plan.

I am going to write a list for monday I think. Also start the home link book up again.

I really hope my dd can learn to calm herself a bit too. This morning I lost it with her badly becasue she just started screaming over and over again just as we were about to leave the house. I am genuinely not sure if this was attention seeking/naughtiness form her (we have a new ish baby too) or whether it was a response to the stress of a new class, being back at school etc. Or both.

I am not coping well atm and a bit tearful tbh, the constant worry is getting to me, medically she has always been stressfu;l to look after and she is just such hard work with the behaviour!

It is awful if you are facing difficult behaviour at home too. Don't feel you have to take on responsibility for her behaviour at school too. The increase in difficult behaviour is probably a mixture of all these circumstances. you can only do so much and I sometimes think that my dd's ASD has won the argument on some days so I just focus on making life as bearable as possible on that day. must be very hard with new baby as well. be kind to yourself.

Thank you. I suppose I feel that I have not been proactive enough in sorting this out beforenow. I tend to feel sad for her due to her having a rough time medically and not being able to communicate properly. And now it feel s she has got out of hand.

But thank you that is a good point about not taking responsibilty when she is at school.
I tried talking to her about it today. She said she hit children but couldn't or wouldnt say who and didnt know why she had done it.

A home link book would make your life much easier regards school, exchanges of ideas etc could be made with out the need to arrange a meeting and daily progress (or lack of if thats the case) is all written down for future reference, It's how we realised ds seemed to end up in trouble during unstructured time alot more and help was arranged in form of lunch club etc.

Cansu is also right, dont try to tackle it all at once, concentrate more on making home life easier and enjoying your time together will make everything else feel much smoother and easier to tackle, I remember trying to talk to DS about who had hurt and why, always got the same answers as you do Used.

Had a very rough time with DS last year, still do sometimes, had to restrain him and remove him from a shop beginning of week due to a meltdown. and x

Thanks yes I really need to get the home link book going again, it worked well last year.

Your DS sounds similar ith the unstructured times. Its the reason they have gone for one to one even at lunch time.

So-my list for mondays chat-

Home link book
Triggers and how to avoid (will take in the sensory integration therapy stuff the OT wrote and ask for reception to give them their notes on it-and am going to buy a gym ball for them today)
Outreach servive from local SN school

As for home it has been so difficult and any transition makes it worse. She hurts the baby, spits, hits and kicks me, burps loudly and deliberately and screams repeatedly. Also the usual jumping on everything, running into me etc that has got a bit better with sensory integration stuff. I went to bed not lookin forard to today as I know it will be hard with the week we've had. And she has a party today. I got to the stage over summer that I didn't take her out on my own if I could avoid it and parties can be hard esp to get her away-this one is just at the park but argh still!

I sound so down on her, she is lovely just struggling right now and realising she can't do what the others do.

Just managed a short conversation ith DD1. She said she "no like school". hen I asked more she said something about the guinea pigs (very unclear speech so evn I struggle with unfamiliar phrases) and said yes when I asked did she say she doesnt like the guinea pigs (class pets) then she saidthey do like this and demonstrated them wriggling! She also said don't like school at all, don't like outside. Not sure what to make of all that!

Ha well I have failed on my list! But for good reasons- teacher was lovely and said she really didn't want me to worry about it, she told me to inform me of how dd may be feeling on a day it haappens but she doesn't feel that dd understands it as in wanting to hurt others, she is lashing out when she feels overwhelmed so they will find ways to help her, eg her one to one time. She also said it highlights just how much she needs the 30 hours as unstaructured times like lunch time is really hard for dd.

Still feel and worried about dd's future in mainstream but I feel the teacher and her TAs are really good with DD and thats the main thing right now.