Dd2 back to school again today and again i feel myself questioning if ms is the right place for her.

[Marne]

Dd2 went back to school today, she has gone into year 2. She was very excited about going back to school but when she got there and realised she would be in another classroom she get very anxious (even though we prepared her), she's been put on a table with year 1's (its a mixed class). She's working at year 2 level for english, and is ahead for maths and reading. Although she's doing ok accademicly she struggles with the social side of things and has severe sensory issues, he language is at 2 year old level and her understanding is behind (probably a 2 year old level too).

LEA seem to think she's too bright for sn school and they seem to think ms is the best place for her.

She has full time TA (ment to be 1:1) but today (first day back, new classroom, new teacher) she comes out of school on her own and is sent across they playground to look for me, her TA came out 5 minutes later with another child. I have no idea how she got on today, TA did not come and find me after school and theres no home/school book (although sometimes they write in her reading progress book). I'm angry that no one could be bothered to come and tell me how she got on. When i left her in the classroom this morning she was curled up on her chair holding her ears and humming.

I know its only the first day back and things will probably get better but i cant help thinking that ms is not right for her.

I was speaking to another mum in the playground who has a younger daughter with ASD who goes to the sn school, she seems to think dd2 should be there. I hate having to go in every day and pester for things to be done, none of them seem to have a clue about ASD. They keep telling me how well she's doing so i cant see them agreeing to sn school. She has come along so much sinse last year, her speach is better and her understanding, she has friends (people that mother her) but she's never going to be independant, will probably never have a job so why cant she be in sn school learning life skills and being around people who understand her?

All I can say, Marne, is 'Push'.

DD1 has better language than your DD2, by the sounds of it (I'd put her at 3 year old level, perhaps 3+ a few months). She is still perfectly suitable for her special school.

Trouble is theres not a huge choice of sn school here, the local sn school is lovely but i'm not sure if its right for her either, theres no ASD units near by so its either the sn school or a huge school with a language base (but no expereance of ASD). Her ms school is lovely as its tiny but i cant help thinking the older she gets the more she will struggle with being different. If it wasnt for dd1 (who is happy at the school) we would move 25 miles up the road where we would be closer to a good sn school for children with ASD.

Specialist education is for Chikdren with disabilities NOT Chikdren who aren't bright ffs!

let me say just 1 very important thing to you......

Parents know their children best...

That's it and it's all you need to remember....shout from roof tops if you have to....just start jumping through the system's hoops and get the provision that suits your child the best....and don't be swayed, ignored, fobbed off....keep pushing....as above poster said...PUSH and you will get there....start researching provisions within travelling distance daily,( unless you are prepared to move house for the purpose) and there is no harm in making enquiry's and visits to them....send for prospectus of places further afield too...get in touch and talk to as many as you can.....garnering opinion, experience and encouragment as you go....

If you believe your child needs more than they can access or benefit from in MS....then you should go for it

You know best

Thank you.

Starlight, that was LEA's words 'she's to bright for sn school', i know they are wrong, i have visited the sn school and have met some of the children there, the school works alongside the ms high school (its across the road) so children can access ms classes and sit GCSE's so she could still access a ms education but be based at the sn school.

We do get outreach from the sn school but only when the ms school ask for it (which is never).

All i keep getting told is that dd2 is doing so well, she has changed a lot and is coping and joining in more with the class. She has no major behavioural problems so doesnt disrupt the class (probably just blends in in the background) so the school are happy to keep her there.

She is bright, picks things up quickly, loves maths and reading and copes with most of the work (when she understands whats being asked of her), she loves music but doesn't get to access it at school which is a shame as she finds playing piano very relaxing (she could probably do more music at sn school?).

I just dont know where she fits in , yes she has done very well in the past year but she will always be autistic, they will not cure her, she will always need a lot of help.

Marne, is there any sn school you feel would be suitable? Have you looked at the independent schools (Sn or MS) nearby?

It does not sound as though your dd's needs are being met.

my dd1 has more language than your dd2, but is perfectly suited to her school which is, in the common view, 'only' for extremely severe ASD.

Bottom line is you are definitely entitled to more communication about how your dd is getting on (not just academic information re: where she is with regard to national levels, but also how she is settling, what she finds difficult throughout the day etc)

I would not send my child to a school who did not tell me (if my child was not able to do so accurately) what was going on over the course of the day. They are the only ones who can give you the full picture - my dd will often start up a conversation along thelines of 'X was noisy today, he was very upset' - if I mention it to the school, it quite often turns out to have happened weeks ago (and was written in her book, if I check back, or I was told at pick up that dd might be unsettled due to extra noise, or whatever) - point being that, while she is correct, it is not helpful to me in terms of working out how she has been that day at school, even though she can hold a perfectly fluid conversation about it.

the question is: do you think it will be easier for you to push for your dd's needs to be met (socially, and sensory wise, and in terms of keeping you informed) at ms school, or would it be easier for you to push for her academic needs to be met at sn school (or find other ways of meeting that need)?

Call me a cynic, but there are three reasons why your daughter is in MS IMO:

1. It is cheaper by a country mile.
2. She isn't disruptive.
3. They've convinced you that she's a square peg and there are only round holes.

Push, Marne. Or you'll still be starting these threads when she's 13. It doesn't matter how well she can count if she doesn't know why she's counting or what it represents. It's just a party trick if there's no real life application of the skills.

Special school allocation should be based on support needs not IQ, don't let them fob you off Marne.

Sorry to hear she is struggling there :(

My DD is at SS and I do believe if she started reading and counting they would pursue that as well with her as they are doing with teaching her to put her socks on.

Go for it :)

Thank you for your posts.

I spoke to her TA this morning (who wasn't very helpful), apparently dd2 did realy well yesterday. Another mum told me thet dd2 and her son were moved (from the table with the 2 year 1's) to a table with their friends from last year, apparently dd2's TA pushed for this as she thought it was unfair that dd2 and the little boy were put on a table with children they did not know.

I think we will see how things go over the next few weeks but i'm hoping to move her to sn school for key stage 2 (next year) if not before.

I sat and read with her this morning and was slightly anoyed that they had given her reading books that are too easy and too boring for her. They seem to think because she has ASD that she cant understand what she's reading, she does understand, she understands a lot more from reading than she does listning to a person talk.

Its hard as she is accademicly able and will probably do well in MS but she doesn't fit in, she struggles with sensory issues, struggles with speach (althoughi now think most of it is 'selective mutism' rather than her ASD as she can talk quite clearly when she wants too).

As for finding a school that suits her, i dont know if there is one within 40 miles of where we live. We have a great ASD school just down the road but its for borders only and age 7+. Theres another school but its probably an hours drive away from us (at least). The main sn school say she's not severe enough (but this was a while ago, things might be easier now she's getting older).

Hi Marne, my DD1 is very similar to yourDD2. Although sounds like your DD2 is doing much better academically. I go round in circles with the whole is it a suitable place for my dd (possibly not) but there is no suitable alternative etc etc. It is really difficult and for now I am taking the stance that she is somewhere where she is ok but am keeping an open mind and am hoping our school will ask for sn school outreach service (was told by sn school head that they are happy to do so but only on request from school).

I think actually long term that we will be moving to sn school so for now i am working my way around the options, looking at all sn schools in the area and will be revisiting the local one as was told they had a new lot of children starting this sept who would make a more suitable class of peers for dd1 than any of the classes we saw.

Meant to add my DD1 is not diagnosed as having ASD(yet?!) and she has medical issues too which have helped in terms of getting more support-she has 30 hours one to one so can be taken off for therapies and/or calm down time when needed and there are lots of reasons why she SHOULD be in mainstream but the strain of it shows on her every day and she lashes out at other children too. The head of sn school I met said to me its not inclusion if she's being taught mostly alone and I am really worried about this but I know how different she is when distractions and noise are limited, she can really focus and then I can really see how intelligent she is.

Does your DD get full time one to one support?

Also agree with Lougle about people convincing us our children don't fit the system, the sn head I met said she sees lots of children like DD1 and nothing I told her was something she'd not come across before-I really had thought that she was complicated becasue she didn't fit any particular box till then.

my son is in year 4 - academically bright but key stage 2 has become too much for him. the children have changed as well - they have got older and some of the understaning and kindness when younger has also gone - i am battling for a sen place now but the lea are fighting me. my school have said they cannot meet his needs - we have so much evidence but the lea are digging their heels in - this may have to go to tribunal although i think the lea are just pushing to see how serious i am. i started this process in march andits been hard. if you feel she needs a sen school then you need to start the process asap but dont expect it will be a quick move, brace yourself for a fight as the lea wont make it easy as it will cost them more money. im hoping that im now nearing the end of my battle although the tribunal papers are reading and will be sent off on weds as my time limit is nearly up. i know sods law will be as soon as i post them the lea will cave in! you may have to get private reports as well espeically if the school are saying she is fine. ive probably painted a bleak picture but you need to know that the lea may make it very difficult for you but just keep your nerve and dig in for a fight. my elder son was in mainstream for primary - i fought for special school for secondary - he started 2 weeks ago and the change in him already has been amazing so it really is worth it :-))))

So sorry you are going through this BJK, it sounds very stressful , fingers crossed you get a place at the sn school for your DS. I think i will bring it up in the next review meeting and sugest that we consider sn school for key stage 2.