So when do you disclose your child's ASD dx? Felt pressured today

[insanityscratching]

Walking into school with dd's friend and her Mum.

I knew there had been a fall out before the holidays but wasn't certain what had happened because what dd thought happened might not be anything like what happened at all.

Anyway J's mum was nice but said that the constant falling out she found wearing (I do too tbh) and I agreed but felt a bit put on the spot to add "well dd's autism means that she does find the friendships extra difficult"

Of course J's mum didn't have a clue because I don't mention it because there generally isn't a need and I assume they don't realise her TA is her TA.

Poor woman blustered "Oh but they are very intelligent aren't they" I let her off and just said "well dd's bright enough but she struggles a lot socially and emotionally"

J's Mum is nice so hopefully all will be well, I'm wondering if she'll be miffed I haven't said anything previously because we do speak in the playground and they've been to each other's parties etc and they have been friends for about three years.

Because dd has no behaviours that would identify her as having autism I don't tend to mention it because ultimately I believe she has a right to privacy and so I'm probably seen as over protective and fussy instead but that's fine .

Then when my hand's forced it makes it all a bit awkward.

It's so difficult what to say and to whom though isn't it?

Oh well tomorrow's another day I suppose.

Anyway when, how and who to do you disclose a dx to?

Slightly different with my DS as his behaviours are SO obvious so it's often mentioned pretty quickly, as he hits/kicks/screams/makes noises etc.

I'd mention it if and when you feel the need to, and if you feel comfortable to.

I was thinking about this today and was wondering what people do. My DD has no diagnosis yet, but I think she may well get one. It has been suggested by EP and I think it makes sense.

I have told close friends and family that is where we may be heading and already find myself having to explain DD to people and it is hard when there is no diagnosis and also I don't want to have to explain and especially when she is so young (3.7) and it doesn't feel right when she doesn't understand herself. Sometimes I just want to do a facebook status update and be done with it (Joke! - sort of).

That doesn't answer your question at all does it :)

Oh gosh. Different strokes... I think. My DS is visibly autistic within 1/2 an hour or so which has always made the decision for me. But I am often astonished when people still don't know, who have seen him about for years. Maybe it's only obvious if you know that flapping and spinning means ASD?

DS was going to be labelled 'naughty' and 'rude' so I told pretty much everyone who has to deal with him for more than a couple of hours. So, any parent who invited him to a party, his swimming teacher, cub and scout leaders, but not the waiter at a restaurant or people at the park!

If your DC can PFN, then I imagine it's much harder to decide and feels more like breaching their confidence?

Sorry, no help whatsoever, was I?

Dd is 9 and has been dx 7 years it's just not something I feel the need to tell others tbh. It was different with ds it was and still is obvious there is a difficulty so I'd just put a name to it for people but with dd she'll pass for NT even under scrutiny for the duration of a party for instance so I say nothing. Dd isn't aware yet so that's another reason for not saying anything either I suppose.

Insanity, I have exactly the same thing with Dd3 particularly with one child who Dd3 cant really cope with. She gets invited to play with this child but sometimes doesnt want to go and then the child gives us the cats bum face and I know she complains to her mum. Her mum is nice but I dont feel the need to share info about Dd3 with her.

A couple of the mums at school know but they are not really in the playground to gossip.

I do find it really difficult and have only just explained the dx to Dd3 herself.
I have said to her that it is up to her whether she tells her friends or not, so far she has only told one who she has known most of her life.

We have difficulties sometimes because Dd3 doesnt use social greetings so if we bump into people she just blanks them which can be very awkward and make her seem very rude. I am trying to grow a thick skin but sometimes I just want to shout, "She has autism, she is not rude!!"

You are not alone