talk to me about social skills and social communication

[devientenigma]

exactly that what is it? and how do we work with it? support it? encourage it?

Its late now devient but I will come back tomorrow and post x

DS lacks in social skills, social communication in a moderate way in that his skills are not consistent. Its not just simple a case of manners etc its the reading of others intentions, mood, body language both verbal and non verbal, personal space, reading emotions ie when someone is annoyed, scared etc, taking turns, allowing someone else control in a game or idea and accepting that sometimes you lose at games or have to accept you cant do something as well as others and have to say well done but not beat yourself up about it or make others uncomfortable. Saying the right things on que wether understanding or just acting the necessary out.

Work in small group (family activities) Learning to que up and wait, how to pass the time of day civily. Playing turn taking games. There are lots of simple things to try and most of all act as you want them to act iyswim so they see consitency in your chit chat during the day.

Thats only bits and there is a lot I missed out but I will come back here tomorrow x

Like Ds went on an afternoon school trip. I asked him 'oooh, what did you do today?' and he replied 'played in the playground and had lunch'.

Correct answer but complete unawareness that he shoukd have replied 'went to x on our school trip'.

Dd3 doesnt use any social greetings, this can make her seem rude and unfriendly. Try as i might i cant get her to understand that there are some things we just do because it is sociable.

There is other stuff too but i have to go to work now, will come back later.

yes this sort of thing, I'm thinking of how to get him more socially aware and willing. Ear defenders and weighted lapdogs etc have helped in the past but there is still more that makes him not want to accept things we do every day. I know he lacks in this area (among others) but I feel targeting this may unlock us from our prison of the car or house. Just thought if someone talked about it I could see where, how and what to do. Thanks x

We struggle with trips to busy places for many reasons but one is that Dd3 thinks that people should move out of her way when she is walking. If somebody or their bag touches her she glares at them and will say in a loud voice She /he pushed me/hit me.

She also gets very upset if somebody pushes in and will leave a queue if she thinks this has happened.

TBH I avoid shopping centres/supermarkets except on a sunday morning.

I am definitely not the right person to advise you about social skills as Dd3's are pretty bad and despite 3 6 week groups at school last year I dont think she has made any progress for a long time.

Hope someone else comes along later and will watch this space

Would DIY agoraphobia treatment be an easier first step?

hope this doesn't sound patronising. Not meant to. maybe look into turn taking, looking at facial expressions -simple to start with, happy, sad, excited; social stories (where what to do and how to behave in particular social situations is explained, discussed and modelled), stuff like that? Lots on the NAS website.

Zzzz that's a fabulous link. Am a bit looking at age range though. Might print exercises and tippex off that bit.

Zzzzz love your 6/9/12 nearly-midnight post
Spot on
Am off for a nosey at the Montessori planing, can use some at work

For a very long time, DS was trained in basic appropriate responses to situations and comments without having the first clue why. He developed a reputation for having lovely manners which offset some of the more negative aspects of his AS, but it was purely learned, automatic responses for years with no improvisation or emotion.
We used films and DVDs a lot and still do to predict how characters are feeling, why they are behaving in a certain way and what their responses might be. Then when they are not what he expected, we talk about it.
When he was about 13 or 14, he started beginning to understand, predict and show more flexibility in his responses, now at 17 he can pass in most social situations unless he is stressed or distracted by one of his focused interests. Then the veneer vanishes.