DS has no friends :-(

[havingamoment]

DS has ASD/ADHD. Just gone back into Y2. He's in mainstream, with a FT TA to support him.

He's a very outgoing, chatty kid. Wants to be everybodys friend, would do anything for anyone, BUT, and it's a BIG BUT, he can be very overbearing, not really aware of other peoples space, very shouty, demanding. I'm sure you get the picture.

Here's my concerns. I know he cnt help the behaviour. Kids his age don't. Today I wnt to drop DD off at lunchtime (she's just starting school) and DS was in the yard. I was able to almost spy on him and what I saw really upset me. DS seemed to spend all his time either hanging around the yard on his own or with his TA (she's also a welfare assistant).

WheneverI ask him who he's played with he always says "no-one", however in the morning when I drop him off he always seems to have lots of "friends".

I spoke to his TA tonight and she said that what I saw is pretty normal and DS does just run arnd alot and get in peoples faces.

I dnt know what to do. When he saw me at lunch today he clinged to me and didn't want me to go (NOTE: DS is not a clingy child and would probay go with a complete stranger should they ask), when he comes home from school he is often cross and doesn't want to talk (wondering if this is why).

I guess it has upset me to think that DS is spending his school days lonely and I dont know what to do. Not sure what I am looking for, maybe somebody else has had somethibg similar. . . . . .

What is his TA DOING?

She should have a brief for every minute of his playground time to foster opportunities to practice his social skills, not just follow him around the playground shrugging.

She is a welfare assistant, so DS is basically left to it. The hours he gets cover the classroom hours and not lunchtime.

So basically the teacher gets assistance but he gets none?

Can you move one of the hours from the classroom to lunch time, given social communication is his actual disability and therefore educational need?

Does he have a statement?

My Dd (8) is exactly the same. She has ASD, as do I. It is soo hard working out the social rules.
Dd is also really outgoing but overbearing wants to be friends with everyone but doesn't take time out to watch how anyone else acts to learn.
When I was little because I was shy I just sat very quietly and watched everyone else. I didn't/don't understand normal behaviour but I manage to act normal most of the time. I've tried explaining this to Dd but she doesn't understand!!

He does have a statment. Has had for several yrs.

Is it an option to move hours?

His TA is brill. And the work she has done with him in class, since reception, has been brilliant.

I'm just concerned for him and dnt wnt him to be a social outcast. I know he's going to struggle as it is

Course it is. She can take an hour before or after lunch time as HER lunch time. Course, the CT might not like that as it might not meet HER needs, but it ain't about her is it?

Or you can get the statement hours to be increased too!

Lunchtime is an education/lesson for Children with ASD and a lesson that when got wrong, can lead to anxiety and difficult behaviour as well as impact on their concentration in the classroom.

She is employed by the school though as a welfare assistant, so cnt see how that would work.

Do you think it is worth asking for an increase in his hours?

Is it also worth waiting a few wks to see how he settles bck in after the Summer hols?

Am I just over-reacting because PFB? I'm just so upset for him. All he wants is to be everyones friend.

I heard Rita Jordan speak recently - I don't agree with alot of her approach to education but she did talk about how playtime for children with ASD was 'work' not 'play' which hit home. Social stuff is what DS finds hardest - even basic stuff like looking at the person they are talking to, processing the language, understanding the games. Your DS needs more practice at play not less.

I agree with Star they need to treat break time as lesson time. They can give him some downtime in class. Whats on his IEP about social? Try and get a really measureable target on there so if its not met you can push for more training / support.

Whoever is supporting him at break needs some training in how to promote social skills.

There are lots of text books / how to books on social skills but a cheap book called 'Overcoming autism' (rubbish title) by L. Koegal is worth a read. It is co-written by a Psych and a Parent and talks about the progress of one boy under an ABA / social play type programme and there is quite alot in there about how they worked on social skills in the playground. You can get an old copy cheaply on Amazon. It may just give you some ideas about what breaktime support should be doing.

I don't think you are over-reacting.

There are lots of ways to tackle this other than 1:1support. Google circle of friends. Ask the school if there are any lunch time social clubs that your Ds can be a part of that offer more structured time than lunchtime. Ask about buddying schemes etc.

The most useful help DS got in primary school revolved around social skills. He had a social skills group one lunchtime. He had assisted lunchtime another playing team games, he had a lunchtime in the IT room (all years get this) and another managed lunchtime too. Several break=times were also monitored. This was without a statement. As several people have already said, play is like another lesson to them and it is where they need the most help.
In addition if playtime/lunch went badly then the next lesson was disrupted or written off according to DS's mood so that generally classroom management improved significantly when playtimes were addressed

I would agree with those who have said breaktimes/lunchtimes are just as, if not more than important for children who have ASD than lessons. As Star said, ASD is a social/communication disability and needs to be addressed just like his other educational needs.

He should be having regular social/communication skills input, both 1:1 and in small groups, learning the social rules and practising them in a controlled environment. Then these skills need to be 'taken on the road' and put into practice in the playground, again with supervision to help him work through any problems etc. Circle of friends is a great way to do this.

You said he has a statement. When is his next Annual Review? I think his statement needs amending to include specific plans/strategies for social/communication skills teaching and practice and to either increase or amend his hours to include playtimes.

Thanks everyone.

I am going in next week to discuss this terms IEP and I'm going to make sure something is put on for help with his social skills.

We also got a letter yest about a 5wk sports course that is going to be run on Thur lunchtimes, so we're signing him up for that too.

Will see how we get on with that