Outed on second day of juniors

[SilkStalkings]

Please help me draft an email to the head of DS1's (7) new school. Something on the lines of:
"I was shocked and dismayed to hear from my year 5 DD and her friends that they had had an assembly about special needs and 'different boundaries' in which the names of the 4 kids on the autistic spectrum in the new Year 3 were read out." Might as well have stuck up posters of them on the walls with 'Watch out, autistic' printed across them . I can see the school were trying to be helpful but how about a lecture on how these conditions can be hidden and how they should be nice to everyone anyway?

Managed to deflect the conversation and have a word with DD & friends later, how DS1 doesn't really think he has any special needs so not to mention it.

But am fuming. I have written on all his paperwork that he doesn't know he has Asperger Syndrome - he doesn't know but he's not so oblivious that he won't be concerned/worried/hurt if kids start bouncing up to him, saying teachers have talked about him and telling him he has special needs. I have been gradually introducing the concept of autism and Aspergers in the hope that he will make the connection himself but TBH he is pretty mild these days (DD has identified her BF as Aspie but not her own bro!) and does not associate himself with the other 3 kids mentioned. I'm going to have to speed up the process before some probably-well-meaning kid drops a clanger, aren't I?

Hold your horses PippinJo. She probably needs to speak to the Head first and gauge the reaction. Personally I would never go to the local paper with something like that as it would bring the child to the attention of an even larger audience.

Was it the HT who ran the assembly? Maybe she didn't know.

I think that Aspergers is going to disappear as a separate diagnostic category, so some people will have their diagnosis under the old system and others not because the categories have changed. There is a thread on here somewhere that explained it somewhere but yes, it is a bit

Yeah I thought that was a good idea at first but since trying to discuss it with Ds it has made me realise how different he is now as he grows. Tbh you wouldn't know he has it unless you knew what Aspergers was, and when you think of famous Aspies you realise how hidden it can be. When people hear the word autism they assume all the obvious signs and problems. When you think of all the unDX'd Aspies out there living successful 'normal' lives, their special needs are mostly just social.

Sorry, PippinJo I jumped to conclusions. It is very hard to sack a Head for the simple reason that Heads are hard to find, so if the Head did the assembly but has a previous unblemished record I wouldn't hold your breath.If another member of staff did it, unless they told her what they were planning to say and she gave permission, she will probably just get a wristy slap.

Acceptably horrified apology received in book bag today. I did pop into the office this am an day I expected a written response by the end of the day.
No mention of whether the other parents had been notified or not. Wondering if I should give them copies of my email and the response just to let them know what's been going on. None of them have older sibs to tell tales like I do.

Glad you got an apology but given the seriousness it should have been a face to face one! A note is the bag is a bit of a cop out.

I would not give the parents of the other children a copy of the email as it may not come across well where you say that you DS "does not associate himself with the other three mentioned children"

I realise you mean no harm by that, but things do not always come across the way you mean them in an email, and it is their children you are talking about.

I would be grateful to be told about the assembly if I were one of theparents though, although I do think that if the Head genuinely realises her mistake here, she should be telling the other parents herself what has happened.

I agree with Agnes I'd have wanted a face to face apology and then a formal letter in the post or handed over personally, not stuffed in the book bag.
Silk I don't know if I 've missed something, but who actually did the assembly?

It was a different teacher who took the assembly and I asked for a written response as I had made more than one point.
Celestial you make a good point about the disassociation line but I'm pretty sure they would agree that their kids really are unmissable and my DS has no LSA anymore so the only connection he knows about is that they all had extra transfer visits in the summer. His needs at school are just having a teacher who is aware of his condition.

It was a formal letter and it did address my questions about prevention of repeats.

Hmm, this is an interesting debate about the visibility. Yes it shouldn't happen to any child but was my child more at risk of immediate hurt from innocent comments as a result of the assembly? I thought so but only because I am equating higher visibility with lower perspicacity. That's probably a pretty crappy assumption for a SN mum to make, it just seems like the others wouldn't be able to pick up the facts from a well-meant conversation (as opposed to some kid being malicious to their face). Whereas if I hadn't intervened when my DD and her friends started on about the assembly, my DS would have actively listened and wanted to know what it was all about. That was why I highlighted his self-perception and the difference between HFA and Aspergers.

I would definately want to know if my child were named in this way.

Not having a face to face with you does sound like a cop-out. It is easier to gage how seriously they have taken it if you can actually talk to them about it and ask any questions.