Could I have opinions on my son please?

[citylovernow]

I hope this is the right place to post this - apologies if not.

I know there are a lot of experienced and knowledgeable folk on here and I would really appreciate some opinions.

My ds is just 9 and we are quite worried about his progress at school. I should mention first of all that our situation is complicated in that we move between countries every 2 years because of work. At the moment we are in a tiny remote place and ds goes to a lovely small school. We have 2 other dcs who are doing fine so I don't think ds' problems are due to the moving around. All the schools they have attended have been excellent, with small class sizes.

Every year when he starts a new class, the teacher takes me aside for "a word". I'll try to describe ds/the main issues. Reading, writing and maths are quite far behind what they expect. He loses concentration easily and often doesn't engage with the teacher/curriculum. He often doesn't remember what he is supposed to do, his work is slow and he often doesn't finish on time. He also has flashes of brilliance and is hugely perceptive and inventive.

My opinions are also that his behaviour is very challenging at home, he opposes everything and hates being directed. He now does homework without a fight and that is huge progress. I feel that he is immature in general and very emotional - he will cry in anger and frustration very often. He wants to control every situation and did everything like potty training, riding a bike, swimming etc only when he decided and not because I tried to teach him.

Does anything jump out from that description? I want to help my son and have always known he seems a little different which is fine except that now he seems to be reluctant or unable to learn properly.

Thanks in advance.

Lots jumps out from that description.

Dyslexia would explain his academic problems.

His behaviour could be down to a huge number of things - including Aspergers or dyspraxia.

There's a bunch of conditions (Aspergers, ADHS, dyspraxia, dyslexia) which all have overlapping symptoms and often exist together.

In fact there is one school of thought (which I believe) that all those above conditions are really one thing - developmental delay syndrome.

Thanks for your response IndigoBell.

I would agree with dyslexia and have been reading a lot about how to help him if that is what the problem is. His teachers have sometimes hinted at ADHD and mentioned medication, but I am reluctant at the moment as I'm not sure that's the main issue.

The behaviour - well, I actually think it's just the way he is tbh. Firm boundaries have helped, and leaving him alone to do what he wants rather than having too much structure. Where possible. The problem with the behaviour from a helping him point of view is that it's so hard to get him onside with activities/strategies which might help him. He doesn't see a problem and doesn't care about doing better. I could imagine him maturing enough at some point to decide to focus, but I could be wrong of course.

This could all come to a head soon as we are moving again and the new school wants to test the dcs - I am almost sure that if they take ds, it would be into the year below, i.e. repeating a year. That is not necessarily a problem but this is going to get more and more difficult as he gets older if we need to get the dcs into private schools who do not have to take them. In light of that do you think we would be better off moving back to UK where class sizes would be much larger but where there is a least a proper system in place for supporting dcs who need it?

The attention problem obviously does sound like AD(H)D.

Do you know you can have ATtention defecit disorder without being hyperactive?

Did you know you don't have to treat ADHD with medication?

If he does have ADHD (and from what you've said he certainly might) aren't you better off knowing? So you can research what might help him?

Why do you think he doesn't have it?

The UK system is better for SEN than some countries and worse than others. So without knowing where you are it's impossible to say whether the UK is better or not.

If you're living in a culture that likes to hide SN, and he has SN, then I wouldn't want to stay.

Class size doesn't have an impact on most children's education.

Thanks again. I don't know if he has ADHD or not but I know that inattention can be part of dyslexia in which case is it not better to focus on helping that?

Where we are there is no help, nothing, apart from what the teacher can try to do herself.

I do want to know, and we are working out where to go for assessment. It's a minefield - how do we begin to work out who to see and how good they are? After that, well it depends. Once you share a diagnosis with a private school they can simply refuse to accept children.

Inattention is not a symptom of dyslexia. But inattention has to be really bad before you would warrant a label of ADHD.

Why don't you start with supplements. These supplements help both Dyslexia and ADHD.

• omega 3
• zinc and magnesium
• b6 and b12

I recommend vegepa for omega 3 and behaviour balance for b6 and 12.

We give him omega 3 but will look into the others, thanks.

A lot of omega supplements are not very good. Which brand do you currently use? How much EPA does it contain and how much DHA?

We give him the Sainsbury's own brand. We only visit UK once a year so have to stock up then. Don't know the EPA etc off top of my head but will check - we give twice a day which is more than the jar says to give but based on advice and research.

I've been talking to his new teacher again today. I mentioned that I wondered about dyslexia and she disagreed, saying that she's worked with dyslexic children in the past and they were nothing like DS. I still think it is though. She also said she kept him in at playtime today to finish his maths.