Sorry it's me, essbee again, and advice over settling my ds please??

[essbee]

As you might know we've moved away from where we were and things have been tough on us all. We feel out with my sister and had to move out (she couldn't handle my ds) and we had 2 other moves on top before we even got in our house but we are in and our stuff turned up a week ago from storage.

I've bent over more than backwards trying to limit the effort of him but he's got worse and worse...............

He's run away twice now but only once seriously (had to involve the police etc). I'm really quite concerned. He's completely withdrawn at school and I keep being called in to discuss him. He's incredibly angry when he gets home. He hates me going in his room even to unpack. He said he hates me and keeps lashing out at me.

I don't know. It's really really got to me. I keep asking myself what the hell have i done to him.

The school keep talking about possible asd too btw and have arranged an urgent ed pysch apt and are trying to sort a paed appt too.

good luck with all your follow up appointments. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes assessing the situation can be good and point you in a different direction and it soudns as if you have a sympathetic and proactive gp there. The change was never going to be easy for any of you but hopefully things will start to improve soon. Good luck with the school nurse.

Thanks Lizs and Tigermoth. The more I think about it the more i'm sure the change must be aggrivating the problems he has.

I have had a bit of success with unpacking some of his room although I don't think i'll risk doing anymore right now.

He's 'lost it' so many times since I was last on including at my neighbours house where I was posting from (i'm currently up in Surrey getting my tooth sorted). He actually denied most of it after insisting he didn't remember. I don't know how true that is.

The school nurse appt went well I think. She mostly just took some extra detail along with weighing him etc. The gp's appt was slightly more 'interesting' though. My ds was in one of his defiant moods and actually told the gp to shut up, to which the gp replied that he was behaving like a brat!!! I was speechless tbh. Yes he was behaving like a brat but as i'd explained to him it's how he comes across sometimes. Result? he 'lost it' within minutes of leaving the surgery. He is referring him on though which is what's important.

I've had a few converssations with the school too and they've decided that, at least for now, they're going to try and get 1 to 1 help for him all the time. This can only be a good thing. They really have been amazingly supportive and have actually made me feel that i'm not a complete failure. They really do seem to care about my ds and about his future.

Thanks loads again.

HI essbee, it's such a relief to hear you are not banging your head against a brick wall, to convince your new gp and new school that your ds needs extra attention. It must be so reassuring to feel that your worries are being taken seriously and people are agreeing with you. Just what you need, as you are new to the area and need professionals to accept your ds for what he is - a lovely, bright boy who needs some attention right now from them. I am so glad they are not making you wait around.

The school's response, in particular, sounds amazingly supportive, as you say. Do you think the doctor called your son a brat just to test his reaction? It would have left me speechless, too but as you say, the main thing is that the doc is referring you on.

Hope you get that home internet connection sorted out soon!

Thank you , it really is reassuring and, trust me, if the help arrived right now it really wouldn't be a moment too soon. One of the great things has been that the school have done this without me having to push. Obvs the helps not actually in place yet but I really believe that he will get some, he so needs it. I'm not an expert, i've never pretended to be an expert and I know I can't do it on my own.

sorry youre still having a tough time essbee. i havent any advice im afraid but dont forget you can always phone me for a rant if you like . ive been wondering how you're doing chick xx

Thanks Nightowl! I've lost your number though.. (along with loads of other peoples) can you text me when you get the chance please so I can store it? Cheers!

Well i'm REALLY pleased to report we've actually had a pretty good day! A few little grumbles but nothing other than normal 7/8 yr old stuff I think. . My mother even commented and actually (now don't faint) offered to sit tonight for a couple of hours! I ended up joining a friend in a pub and got asked out by a friend of hers! I don't suppose it could ever work but for tonight I have sleeping children, fixed teeth and a huge damn smile on my face!!!!! It may not last but I'm bloody loving it!

Today's already gone down hill. Ds really tried this morning too and brought me a drink in bed. Within minutes he was snapping my dd's pencils in half whilst screaming (and then dd was screaming too..). I also have a foul head today (and before you ask I was alcohol free last night as I had a bit of a head then too. He's saying (well yelling) he's not going back to school tomorrow. Oh the drive home after lunch will be fun (around 4 hrs..).

Oh, essbee - so sorry you are going through such a tough time with your DS.
It sounds very hard for you, but I am glad that the school are now taking your concerns seriously & that help is on its way.
You know you can mail me any time.
Thinking of you.xxx

Back in Devon and bloody amazed we got back. There was some problem on the M25 and we crawled and crawled then again on the A3 trying to cut off some. We left at 3pm and got home shortly after 10pm... all of this with a bad headache and a screaming ds who was trying to hit me whilst I was driving. There's no way i'm doing that again in a hurry. Unsurprisingly I had to drag himn to school this morning and left him hiding in part of the school playground as a member of staff offered to take over. I couldn't face work, i'll possibly lose this job but tbh trying to deal with ds is turning into more than a full time job esp atm. How do people, with children who have problems, work? or drive anywhere??

Thanks Blueteddy, I still haven't sorted my broadband out so i'm only online when I'm able to use someones pc (i'm at my neighbours/friends now, who's been great btw).

Didn't get to work today either. I think I can safely say i've left.. I had an appalling evening/night with ds and I ended up smacking him , only once for he was trying to strangle dd whilst in a rage (he lost it as I took away his yu io oh cards after swearing at our next door neighbour). I feel this is getting bloody ridiculous that he is actually becoming a real danger.

I did meet up with Ponygirl this morning though which was really nice and has put me in a better frame of mind. I've also been round to my neighbours which a peace offering of wine and had a cup of tea with them and have cleared the air. They were really good about it actually, thanks goodness.

i just wish I knew what the answer was, other than adoption, which does occasionally feel tempting..