Pushing em along @ home v. school - how much is too much.

[bochead]

I'm really unhappy that DS is still only hitting level 1's in the 3 R's at the start of year 4. The school think he'll get level 2's - 3's at the end of year 6 if he continues to make progress at his current rate. I don't think that's good enough. His iq is average/reasonably bright despite his ASD. I feel very annoyed that it's taken till 8, for his issues to be identified and can't get over the feeling of wanting to make up for lost time.

I'm worried that starting secondary in the bottom streams won't do his self-esteem any favours as he already negatively compares himself to his friends iykwim.

So spent last term sorting out my "plan of action" - except it turned out his co-ordination issues were more serious that I thought. I used the summer hols to start getting everything in place and to work out how much time all the various components take out of our day. In the next 12 months we need to

1/ Find a private OT with expertise in the vestibular system/developmental stuff and implement a proper programme (as opposed to the half-arsed jobby we are currently doing).
2/ Continue the RRT & visual programme that's already paying dividends - 30 mins a day.
3/ Implement Listening therapy - 30 mins a day.
4/ Redo clicknread - an online phonics programme that's finally gelling for DS - 30 mins a day.
5/ 15-30 mins mathletics practice at the request of his last teacher daily (again it's finally starting to come together for him).
6/ Daily guitar practice - this helps his pitch issues so is theraputic, approx 15 mins daily.

In addition he loves to go swimming for fun, and needs to do a weekly trampolining lesson to help his balance issues.

It all sounds great, BUT how do you fit it all in with a kid who finds school exhausting? Am I being a crazy pushy overambitious Mum or is this feasibly possible to do? Having been through the nightmare of a suicidal six year old I'm so anxious to head off future problems with his self-esteem.

If I read this correctly, that's 2 hours daily extra work for him and you. That's a big ask.
So can you do things at the same time e.g. Listening while doing maths work?
Or can you do them in 6 week blocks?
Or prioritise?

Re the OT..an assessment from someone qualified to carry out the SIPT is ideal. An OT who hasn't fully qualified in SI should still be able to follow a prog devised by a fully qualified person. This links to the private OTs list if you are thinking of that route.

Can school take responsibility for doing some of the phonics, maths, other stuff?
Or could you employ someone to do them with him....

I don't know is the answer to how do you fit it all in, especially with the lower fatigue threshold. I used to do Listening over breakfast. Then spent the evening running to get in swimming, guitar etc. I don't plan to give up though, I would rather be exhausted and know I was doing everything possible.

I don't think that's feasible.

The most I think is feasible is one thing before school, one thing after school and one thing after school.

What about just sending him to school in the morning, then picking him up after lunch and doing an hour school work with him then.

I know you've fought long and hard to get him into school. But this would just be a temporary solution till he's caught up in maths and English.

By the end of Y4 he needs to be a 3b.

this is what I would do with DD if I didn't work

Cheers - I think I'm gonna have to have a rethink. Mentally I've almost given up on school as regards the 3R's, & now see it just as a way for DS to have a "normal" social life and gain access to the SALT & formal social skills training he still needs.

I have days when I really wonder if the long fight for a semi-decent statement was worth it. I bitterly regret not just home edding in key stage 1, as so much time was lost. I've concluded that given past history the newly identified OT type stuff would probably need another flipping Tribunal to get incorporated into the school day - so realistically may be in year 5's schedule probably.

We are well into the Behavioral Optremetrist's programme now, so I'll keep going with that before school + the clicknread (1 hour). If he does mathletics + guitar practice after school for 15 mins each it could perhaps work. The listening programme could be done at bedtime?

He's up at 6 latest so we do have more pre-school time than most.

Swimming & trampolining will be weekend activies methinks. It's not a home I'm running, it's a boot camp, & I'm not happy about it being a naturally "free & easy" type. .

The SALT has referred him for music therapy and the neuro guy wants to put him on sleep meds next year. It's all a far cry from the image of motherhood I had when I was pregnant that's for sure.

Yeah, I thought I would be an easy going earth mother, which works well with DD. For DS I feel like I need to be Judy Murray on steriods for him to have any hope ofreaching average.

If you haven't already, do read Robert Schramm, Motivation and Reinforcement to help you keep him going through all this.

Re OT, I have decided that housework is a good way of integrating it naturally into the day. Stuff like hanging up the washing (pincer grip), chopping fruit (bi-lateral integration), hoovering the rug (sequencing). As soon as he's old enough I'm sending ds to Beavers to learn how to tie knots etc.

It's great that you have an ambitious plan, but do you work or have anything to take your mind off 'project ds' occasionally?

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Plenty of countries/edcation systems don't start the three Rs until 6 or 7.

I think you need to prioritise 2 of those and let the others go for a while. RRT could be over quickly if you work hard at it, so it might be a good one to do first. Will school help with any of it eg build OT into his IEP?

His HFA brother didn't start formal school till 7 lol! (E. Europe) Trouble is when they do start in countries like that they really crack on with it, none of the time wasting on political vanity projects etc that goes on in UK schools. They also have much higher aspirations for their pupils, and spend far less time fannying about with reviews, making excuses etc.

In the UK special ed is often just "baby sitting" when all's said & done, (at least in mainstream). Our culture of "acceptance" doesn't actually do a lot of kids many favours long term. The comparison with his 1/2 bro is partially what's got me so riled up I guess - why are we expected to "settle" for so little for our kids? last term I just wanted to scream "just get on with it ffs!" at the school.

One advantage I do have is that DS is VERY easy to motivate compared to many ASD kids. If he can see that something will benefit him and enable him to catch up with his peers he's a pretty determined lil fella. I was suprised tbh that he stuck with the "write from the start" programme till the bitter end last school year, & so proud to see him come off the p levels for writing as a result.

We do lots of arts & crafts & cooking together - that's good for functionally applying the skills aquired through a developmental OT programme, but isn't a replacement for one iyswim. It also allows me to just enjoy being a Mum with him instead of feeling like a drill seargent.

The SCHOOL should be meeting his educational needs. If you are not going to force them to (and god know you could waste an awful lot of precious time on this) then you have to do what you know will progress him INSTEAD of school, not on top. Pick him up early or less days.

What Starlight said. School should be meeting his needs, they after all have the statement to work to and that is legally binding.

If his statement as well is only semi decent then I would call an emergency review to get it looked at again.

Where was the OT stuff in his statement, was it actually included in parts 2 and 3 or in Part 6 which has no power whatsoever.

no OT anywhere at all in his statement & no mention of the auditory-visual-vestibular reasons why it might be needed. so essentially the dyspraxic/dyslexic stuff isn't included.

I'll obviously ask for it to go in at AR time come this November, but see it taking a tribunal to make OT happen - another whole year wasted on "process" rather than direct action if I'm not careful too. (Y'all KNOW that the tribunal process takes soooo much energy out of you).

I've considered calling an early annual review but sadly a key report won't be available at the start of term, so I'll need to wait till the regular slot and then go in properly prepared. Any cheap/free ideas for independently measuring progress made on the stuff I'm doing at home would be appreciated - esp in the 3R's.

In terms of my priorities - I think it has to be the BO RRT and visual therapy programme. His visual tracking issues are a massive educational barrier to anyone with common sense but were only identified last term. perhaps I just need to start "sitting on" the school as regards academic progress (not as if I'm considered Miss Popular anyways lol!)

Boched I am full of admiration for you, and angry on behalf of you re your DS school's lack of ambition. What you say about SEN and 'babysitting' is so true. Schools should be answering to government and parents when kids of normal IQ fail to achieve government targets in education. It shows that by definition the SEN have not been met. More power to you for you Drill Sargeant efforts. You are a true ambassador for your child.
Handy x

Bochead, I am definitely that the OT is not included in his statement and shocked that his visual tracking wasn't caught til last year.
I don't know your DS story tho' I have seen you around the board.
You probably know this already ...in SI terms the vestibular system is the 'ground' for auditory and visual integration. Sounds like he would benefit from a serious blast of SI therapy....but possibly no-one qualified in your area?

And how, how can any child with assessed dyspraxia and dyslexia have that ignored in their statement? Is this one of those schools that think these are 'excuses'?

porridgelover - according to the authorities all DS's issues are cos I'm a crap parent don't ya know

It's taken so bloody long to get the ASD recognised that I seriously can't face going after a formal dyspraxia/dyslexic diagnosis right now. NHS in my area is a purely functional OT service, not really set up to deliver that SI blast you mention - though that's what he really needs.

I'd go head to head with the EP etc IF I thought the NHS could deliver at the end of it, but I'm not sure they can. The goal for amending the statement will be mainly to acknowledge these issues exist, to facillitate understanding by school staff iykwim.

I tell others on here to pick their battles carefully - need to ensure I follow my own flipping advice .

Boch, on a slightly diff tangent, how long has ds been playing guitar? Dd2 just started but I hadn't thought of pitch etc... Have you got a regular teacher or someone involved with music therapy?

I try to pick specific things to work on at different times, but it does seem that there is never enough time.

He does a 1:3 lesson at school that I pay for as an alternative to pushing him into the violin lesson the rest of his class did last year. (No way a kid with pitch issues could handle 32 newbie violinists at once lol!) Meant we could tick the box to say he was doing music as per NC, & avoided a petty row. I went along with it as I was hoping it would help build his pitch tolerance, and it turned out to be an accurate hunch.

Gotta be honest last year he just twanged a bit - can't say he learnt any guitar playing, but it deffo helped his pitch issues in the abscence of proper therapy iykwim. He also really had fun doing it and that point just getting him to enjoy life like a kid should was my key goal after the horrendous experience he'd had at the previous school.

He's only now ready to start learning to actually play the thing properly, after a year in the same way as an NT child picking up the instrument for the first time. He has been put on the waiting list for formal NHS music therapy, but as he wants to carry on guitar I want to let him if the teacher is willing to have him again. It's £40 a term, which is pretty reasonable methinks.

He chose acoustic guitar, for reasons only he knows, but I do think it's a good choice for sensitive ears as it's a fairly mellow sound compared to many instruments (as least while learning lol!).

How funny about the guitar. I had DS for lessons. He loved it but very poor as he IS dyspraxic, poor attention etc etc.
I decided to leave it this year as I am bringing him for the blast of SI OT (private grrrr....hasn't even got off the waiting list for local OT).

As for the crap parent....I would like any of those fab parent, judgemental, smug idiots to ðal with DS and his issues for 3 days then tell me it's all my fault. But as I have got used to the air on the high. Moral ground, I ignore instead still bloody hurts though

Criteria for dyspraxia are 1. Normal learning/IQ 2. No underlying medical/neurological issues 3. Significant motor difficulties
Usually jointly do by OT + Paed+ Psychologist

In this neck of the woods, when you ask they tell you the dyspraxic stuff is included the asd diagnosis. I have an issue with this as his Dad is AS but has NO dyspraxic issues at all, he's an ex sniper. Not all kids on the spectrum have half the motor issues DS has going on and taking this attitude has allowed them to be totally ignored by everyone but me for years.

The fact he couldn't dress himself, use cutlery, behaved oddly was all down to my abysmal parenting skills. It could all be sorted out if they just bullied me enough as then I'd click my fingers & it would all go away don't ya know

I often dream of sending DS home with the LA Ed pysch for a month. I've seen her often enough to know she'd crack up

Yes yes to the dyspraxia being a feature. But I found with school that I needed to have it explicitly as a separate dx to get them to pay attention to it. Think I will have to do the same for his dyslexia as I don't think they pay attention to that part of the Psychologist report either

Your school sounds crap, sorry

Ds has OT needs that ARE purely ASD iyswim. They are behavioural, motivational and have occurred due to lack of practice and poor expectations of others. He also has SP difficulties. But gross and fine motor skills are okay provided he practices them, same with reading etc.

Dyspraxia is NOT a symptom of ASD, though as show above OT needs can be.

Starlight I don't agree with you.
Dyspraxia, the stand alone condition is a separate entity to ASD.
It exists in the absence of any other intellectual or neurological issues.
It is a failure of the brain to convert an intention of movement into an efficient plan of movement.

ASD has, among it's many other issues, dyspraxia as a feature of the condition. In my case, I chose to highlight it as a separate diagnosis so as to get better understanding and help for DS.

Hmm. I'm not sure. Sports wise Ds is pretty good and his fine motor skills are advanced in many ways.

We have a Dx of SLI on top of ASD though.

I think my late Dad had dyspraxia as a standalone condition. My son's Dad (& several members of his family) is AS as a standalone. My poor DS got a double whammy of genes from both sides lol!

Bochead.
My son goes to school for the social aspect...the only academic progress he has made has been as a direct result of interventions dh and I have done...ait, rrt and TH.
ATM he is doing 20 times tables sums per night...paying dividends already as he got a certificate for his times tables today! :) reading (school reading scheme is a joke so we use books from home or library) and a level of apples and pears (check these workbooks. They are great) which takes about 20 mins.
It's not every day, but I would say 4 out of 7.
It's enough in that we can't do anymore...he is at my pils 2 afternoons/evenings per week and weekends are spent doing homework from school.
He also goes to youth club and out with his friends.
I am wary of doing too much tbh and him refusing to do anything...ATM he is very compliant :)
I know it's working. I know it is. I look back a year and cannot beleive the improvement but he is 9 now and I am aware that time is running out for us...he goes to middle school next year. His iq is also average to above average and there is no reason other than his literacy problems why he is on the lowest ability table.
Year 5 really is make or break for us.
But if he does as well this year as last I think he will be ok.

Oh and he also does 3 mins of a visual tracking exercise in the laptop each day.
I would recommend it.
Pm me if you want info.

Thanks, boch. Dd2 has been asking to play guitar for 2 years and we finally succumbed. Her fine motor is pants tbh, so I'm a bit wary, but fascinating that it's helped in other ways too.