Struggling with DS/DD - Rant!

[kyz1981]

I have a ds SN that is 2 and A DD NT that is just over 3 there are 15 months between them.

My Son is 2 and the feeling from SALT and OT is he has ASD, awaiting Second Pead appointment next week.

He has very Little Receptive language and will not follow instructions without visual input and even this is hit and miss, He does have some speech but this is all copied phrases i.e I am Hello Mummy to him, never just Mummy, he can label some objects in context but would not understand Bring Mummy Car, or where is your head?

The older he gets the more inflexible he becomes - he has reduced the foods he eats to a small handful and these are even a battle and does not sleep well.

He is still breastfed and will climb pull pinch winge and push me untill he gets this- this could go on all day if given the chance, and once feeding he does not want to stop, its not eating but chewing for sensory reasons and cutting out the breast makes no impact on how much food he eats or what he eats.

He also gets bad breathing with viruses and has to go into hospital untill its regulated- think its Asthma but wont DX this young.

He has several sensory Issues.

My DD is just over 3 and a very gentle girl, but since turning 3 she has started to get very jealous of DS and has started to take his toys, push and pull him and copy his behaviors, I am finding it really difficult to deal with as Ben is dealt with differently with food- and his lack of understanding.

My DD has Bad Asthma and was really bad at the weekend was admitted for 2 nights and I spent the whole time dealing with DS as he could not deal with the ambulance and lights/sounds in the hospital- so I had to sing nursery rhymes for 4 hrs straight untill my Hubby could take him home.- I felt awful that I could not spend the Time next to My DD (she was very drowsy due to breathing so wasn't with it enough to see that I was dealing with DS).

I try to make sure I spend Time with my DD one on one and she is fine and very well behaved when this happens, but day to day living is a nightmare atm.

I tend to stay at home alot as I can't deal with DS and DD at the same time without careful planning times/days etc and Def not in the school holidays, I just Feel completely Battered by all of this and totally worn out, and I thought DS had alot more cognitive skills than he does - when not copying he hasn't a clue, turns out he is a mimic and alot of his previous reports are actually wrong :(.

The SALT asked him where is Mummy, 1st he looked at My friend Then the SALT then she repeated using gestures he finally looked at me after about 2 mins- I never realised he was this bad- the Assessment was done at Home so he would be in his natural environment.

I am Just feeling like everyday is a struggle and that I never get to spend enough quality time with either of my children because I am either prizing them apart and trying to tell my daughter off for hurting her brother, whist acknowledging that its because he dominates and controls us all as a family and she needs me too. (I do love him so much but he is very hard work). or trying to sort DS out with his sensory issues, getting him to eat etc, staring at the same four wall does not help either, I have only Just moved House so don't really know many people here and toddler groups parks with no gate or anything with to much stimulation is a recipy for disaster- so Apologies for the rant.

Sorry you're struggling. I'm not sure what to tell you. A child with SNs can be so challenging, but having more children in the mix can really mean the balance gets out of whack sometimes. We have 4 total (2 are adults and no longer live at home), and 2 young children still at home (age 3 and 6) and it can be so chaotic. I cannot even imagine how some of the mums on here with more children cope. It's exhausting just thinking about it!

I hope things improve for you soon. But feel free to rant - we all need it sometimes!!

Thanks Just having a really bad time as our routines have been out of sync due to my DD being in hospital and DS having to stay with DH- and it has thrown both kids and me!

I think its the 15M age gap that is making it so tough at the moment as my DD does not understand that DS is different and see her being treated differently in regards to food, and discipline and she is acting out constantly.

I look over in Awe at mums who deal with more children.

Thanks for your reply- Tomorrow will be better I am sure.

kyz I am rushing now to make dinner but I had to say that I understand how difficult it is and how torn you must be. Poor you at your DD's bedside.
You need support in RL; what can you do to access services locally while you are waiting for a diagnosis, can you contact the HV for advice to get you started?

Thanks we are just waiting for DX now but the Salt Said yesterday that his language difficulties alone would not necessarily lead to a DX of ASD but his behavior would. For Example only eating small yogurts, same cup or he wont drink, certain pouches - he will only eat about 15 foods, and some of those are hit and miss- appears deaf- makes poor eye contact- does not point- does not share or show you things will only bring toys to you that he wants you to link together- plays with the same toys in the same way over and over again and has never expanded on this - the list goes on and on.

He will sit quite happily for hours with a Night garden book or his blocks or his link together Ninky Nonk, which allowed me to have some time with my DD- do a puzzle -drawing things like that, However she now takes His toys away from him causing him so much distress.

They chase each other and DS will hang on to his sisters back to get spun and thrown around he is very un-coordinated and clumsy (He needs lots of feedback- sensory wise) which is great but she has taken it a a lot further siting on his head- putting her arms around his neck and he just screams he has a high tolerance to pain so its not that she hurting him to much he just hates to be restrained and is very/hugely over sensitive round the head/face ears area. ( he also weighs more than she does despite being younger). This is happening over and over again and has gone on for over a month now, she will cry when told off - taken away - say she will leave him alone and then 2 mins later will start again, it must be so hard for her to see DS getting the bulk of the attention and I do try to ensure that after he has been comforted that I spend time with her comforting her cuddling and talking but this seems to have made no difference- So at a loss what to try now?

Today has been worse as it has been too wet for them to be outside something that lets them both run and allows DS some good sensory feedback on the trampoline and running barefoot.

The HV has been out and has sent reports to Pead about DS lack of social response to her walking in the room sitting down and having an hr long conversation with out him even batting an eyelid, but have moved area so under a new team and am awaiting calls back.

Portage are involved but they felt DS cognitive Skills were Low normal so did not feel that they would be able to assist as they told me that I knew how to play with my child!? However the SALT felt DS did so well as he was shown what to do and copied rather than initiating things on his own- however lack of eye contact and looking were noted.

The problem being that I have two children the SN groups at sure start don't allow Siblings so I am at a loss of what I can access.

They are both starting Nursery in Sep however I have had to put them in for the same morning and Afternoon as I did not want to confuse DS as that would be unfair- i.e Taking him one day then dropping of DD on another day and him not being allowed to go- so great for me but not so great as I wanted to have 1-2-1 time with each of them.

My Mum is moving to the area in the next 6 months or so, so fingers crossed I will then get some me time, and 1-2-1 with DD especially as I feel the whole situation is making her very angry.

Just A bad day will add it to the many, sigh, whinge, cry and then drink wine and hope it will be better tomorrow.