dp filmed ds2 and me yesterday and

[thriftychic]

i was wondering if it was a good or bad idea to take it with us to camhs.

it wasnt during one of his destructive out of control meltdowns but it was a stress we had been having all morning.

it was yesterday,

we are going on holiday later today , not far , just a few days in wales. I had some of ds2 clothes hung up to dry and the holdalls out planning to pack them either later at the night or this morning and dp was taking all ds2 fishing gear out the car and putting it temporarily in ds2 shed where he has his drum kit.

we had planned to go out and buy ds2 some new clothes and a pair of walking boots, along with the stuff ds1 needed for college.

ds2 started to get all stroppy with me (talking to me like absolute shit really) about his clothes being wet and they wouldnt be ready in time etc etc. then he decided to start packing. I asked him not to pack yet, but he was getting even more stressed. shouting , throwing things etc. he even put all the wet clothes in the bag
i explained we we needed to go out and he just refused point blank to get dressed and come out saying he didnt want new clothes (usually does)
this went on for hours.

this has been a terrible week with ds2, and even myself and dp have been fell out so thats made him worse.
at one point last week, i said that if he wasnt going to be able to behave we would have to postpone the holiday.
so , yesterday i told him he had half an hour either get dressed or we will not be going away. i wish now we hadnt booked anything anyway , i remember why we have never been away in 3 years. He just would not have it. but said he did want to go on holiday.

he then proceeded to cry and tell me how he NEEDS to pack everything in advance , a long time in advance and that he NEEDS to take everything from his room with him to feel safe. he said he couldnt stand it that his drum shed was a mess , full of fishing gear from the car and he wanted everything back to normal.

ds2 is 13 , has been under camhs for 2 years and all they have come up with is that he needs help handling his emotions. dp , my mum and partner all think he just cant handle not having his way and i agree it does look like that , he goes into total rages if he cant do what he wants or something has gone wrong for him.
but somehow in my heart i feel theres more to it which is why ive posted it on here.

what do you think ? sorry this is long but i have no one to talk to in real life.

i would definitely take that to his next appt

giving a full picture is very important when trying to find a solution/help

maybe he can't handle not having things done his way, but finding the reason for that is the key

how is DS now?

he seems ok this morning but i am walking on eggshells !

and thanks for reading

He seems to have a need to be in control and is very anxious. Does he have a preference for things staying the same, ie does he hate change? Is there anything else about him that gives you cause for concern? Can't DX across the Internet but with a bit more info someone here might be able to point you towards areas to read up on.

My DS's nursery nurse asked for permission to film him so she could get across to the ed psych how monumentally upset he would get by the tiniest thing. I don't know if they did in the end but I was all for it. How have you found camhs so far? Are they supportive or dismissive? This would be the deciding factor for me in whether I showed them the recording or not.

How your ds described having to pack WAY in advance, and having a room all upside down and it being very distressing for him - it's great he managed to explain this to you. Have you talked about it and told him that next time you could pack his things the week before?

I hope you enjoy your time away thrifty.

Like Greener2, this sounds like my son. He has a diagnosis of PDA , CAHMS don't always give PDA diagnosis ,mdepends where you are I think. If you research PDA and feel it fits him, I would video lots, write a diary for as long as it takes to see them.

He does sound like he should be seen, the problems seen in PDA come from extreeme anxiety and his behaviour, if he has PDA , needs to be treated reflecting that.

We don't go away much either, when we do it's got to be so well managed and totally revolves around him or it's a disaster! Take care ,and trust how you feel about him!

Hi , thanks for all the replies . We are now back from our little holiday !

the first 2 days we didnt have too much of a problem, we pulled up at a beach which looked busy and he started complaining it was too busy but we did find a quieter bit and he really enjoyed himself.
we went for a bit of a drive into the next town in the evening and ds2 spotted some go karts which werent running as it was late but i said that before the holiday was done we would go back. The next morning we had planned a day in Llandudno but ds2 was going on and on about the go karts in a very rude and aggro way,
i said again that if he behaved himself we would defo be going to them but not right now as we had already planned llandudno which would also be fun.

when we got to llnadudno, ds2 refused to get out of the car because he said there were too many people , it was boring , he didnt like it etc etc he basically seemed to be going out of his way to ruin the day. He wouldnt go in the cafe to eat lunch so he had nothing all day and he was saying he hated the holiday , its crap etc etc , despite seeming on top of the world the previous day.
at one point we did get him to get out of the car briefly but walking across the grass at the great orme he was moaning and griping about how disgusting it was that there was sheep poo and too many people and he couldnt stand the wind .
He decided he'd had enough of the holiday now and he wanted to go back to his usual routine at home. nothing would change his mind ! the things he was saying to us were so out of order! when we got back to the cottage he packed his stuff up.

i have just noticed this issue recently of not wanting to go to busy places but at the time it just feels like hes being a total brat.
camhs have really messed us about , they just dont do what they say they will do. the guy we were assigned to let us down big time and i ended up making a complaint and getting the manager to put us with another worker who we are due to see next week.

they have decided its not aspergers but dont really seem too interested in finding what it is . they just want to talk to him and get him to control his anger better which i think is rubbish because he will still feel the same but might just learn how to suppress it better !