I'm lost...in how to help my DS???

[whatthewhatthebleep]

My DS asd/adhd has just started secondary last week....
He has managed 3.5 days (thurs full 1st day, fri half day, mon and tues)...
He was nervous but excited and looking forward to going...thursday and friday seemed to go well and he came home saying he had had a good day, etc...not saying much at all but seemed ok....
He was upset/angry monday morning but he managed to go and he got through the day
Tuesday we had tears, very angry but again he managed to go...was dizzy and tearful at school but got through the day ... became increasing ill feeling with headache and dizzy, terribly pale and I began thinking he maybe had a virus of some kind...we were up for school wednesday morning but he looked awful and the headache was still with him..he was crying and exhausted, black circles around his eyes....so I phoned into school to explain he would be absent.....
He lay in bed all day, slept a bit and watched dvd's, gave him painkillers for his head, etc...eating ok and drinking ok...
Thursday...repeat of wednesday...I talked with him..explaining that I was concerned about his headaches and the dizziness, etc and if he felt no better on friday morning then we would go to see the GP....probably a virus but we will go anyway...
so bedtime came....supper, spoke again about going to GP in the morning.....well he has broken down...in an awful state, seems so overwhelmed, anxious and telling me he just can't go to school...he can't do it....again really angry, shouting through tears and completely distraught....I'm so upset for him but trying to say that he has to go to school...every child must, etc...that I will phone school...discuss things and I promise I will help him to do this and so will his school....he's not convinced though and is just sobbing and sobbing (he rarely has ever really cried much so this is serious shit for him)...I'm heartbroken he is feeling so out of his depth and lost...scared and defeated by it all.

I'm so worried about him...he's ill with all of this, sleepless and in such a negative place with it all.

I just don't know what to say or do to try to alleviate his worries and fears...
He is at the moment got a dvd on with a drink and some custard....I have come away downstairs and am writing this....hoping someone is out there and reading this and may have some advice or something....

count down for tomorrow morning now...hoping I can encourage my DS to go to school....I really don't know how it's going to go and what I will do about his refusal if he won't.....

Maybe someone from school will come to the house to talk to him about things???....I don't know.....I don't want to be manhandling him and forcing him...it would seem very wrong to put that much pressure on him deliberately....I'd feel I was betraying him and seeming not to care for his feelings....I couldn't do that....

Has anyone else been in this position????.....What did you try and what (if anything) worked for you both???

All fairly calm this morning...and my DS has gone off in his taxi to school alright....just need to wait and see how his day pans out and how things will be 'managed' with him.....
I'm trusting the staff in school to do everything they can to help this work for him....I've done my bit and got him there this morning so I just have to hope they proceed well with him and it is dealt with better than previously....

fingers crossed he gets through the day alright and we can turn this corner...I'm unfortunately not feeling very positive about things right now...just willing to do what I can really....

Fingers crossed for you.

fingers crossed; hope he has a better day

Yep fingers crossed here too. Let us know how your boys day went .

Hi what, really hope today goes much better for your DS. I totally understand how stressful the transition to secondary school is. My DS1 coped quite well in year 7 but fell apart in year 8.

Sending very best wishes for you and DS.

School just phoned me....saying he hasn't registered into school this morning....OMG...I panicked and thought he'd run off or something....just thinking to jump in the car and go start searching.....

I explained that he was going into the support base...that this was the plan and surely someone knows where he is!!!!!...someone was supposed to be meeting him at the door from his taxi !!!!

10mins later...they have just phoned back...he is indeed in the support base...

FFS!!!!!.....and breathe....just breathe....are these people completely incompetent or is it just me worrying too much....I just like can't believe this is happening!!!
What about the responsible adult/Teacher/Support teacher/staff of whatever ilk that was meant to be meeting him at the bloody front door when his taxi arrived and where was the taxi escort that took him in????? He shouldn't be bloody lost at all....ffs....
I'm so angry right now....

That is bad! Contact the HoY to get an explanation for this - it really should not have happened and I would be furious about this.

sent an email to the principal support teacher...so not bloody happy...
my DS left here at 8.15am in a taxi, with an escort, someone was supposed to meet him at the school door.....and 10am the school phone because they don't have him as being there!!!!

a child with serious anxiety issue's, who is vulnerable and nobody knows where he is ???....I just can't fucking believe this!!!

I'm so worried about him right now but now I'm worried I can't actually trust the school with him...what a shambles....

I'm so near to feeling OTT...

Think this needs copying to head and chair of governors. Losing a child who needs to comes to school via LEA escorted transport... Not good.

From your point of view, means a) at least he's accessing support base
b) a perfect excuse to kick up huge fuss without seeming deranged
c) good way to flag his needs up to all and sundry, under cover of health&safety

long talk over the phone with Principal support teacher....she has forwarded my email to her head of whatever...I've forwarded to Ed Psych...covering bases and keeping track and records all the way with this....experience has taught me to record everything

My gut instinct when I was contemplating what provision would be for my DS...I pushed for an Independent School....
the result is that he is at the mainstream provision and it will be a case of it having to fail/not work well for him before the Authority will fund his placement anywhere else....
I have to keep going with this before I have the right to dispute and apply for another 'outwith' service for my DS.... I don't like it...it makes me feel I have to put him through a possible nightmare horrible ordeal before my views and his needs are considered seriously....it seems so wrong. I always thought it should be 'First, Do No Harm' ... in practice this isn't the case it seems????? and I wonder where this really leaves us tbh???...and what can I really do??
The Independent school would be perfect for him....I visited with them a year ago and discussed at great length his possible attendance there...they were very supportive and my DS fitted their criteria really well....I could 'see' him thriving there so clearly.....

Anyway, complete blame and right to shout, scream and be nutty with Principal was completely ok and she was very very ashamed of her mistake...it was her lack of communication with registration and office that my DS wasn't located in the base.....she was genuinely very sorry and felt quite silly about stupid mistake and the nightmare it had created for me.
Poor thing...human error, I am forgiving and my DS was oblivious of my nightmare and he was safe all along....

He came home happier and went off this morning fine too ....he's on the laptop playing games and listening to music in the base....not much else though...not sure it can continue like this for long though....this isn't an education is it...this is just management at the moment....

Apart from the taxi service failing right left and center (broken down 3 times, no informing or advising)...just sat here everyday wondering where he is...it's ridiculous and I've taken up this complaint now too...
and....
youngsters (not in uniforms and don't know who they are???)...getting out of the taxi at my door whilst my DS gets shoes, etc on....they stand there smoking fags and milling around, chucking fag ends everywhere...I went out this morning to pick them up (I'm sure as well that my neighbours won't be impressed either!!)....reported this today by email too....

Feel I am sending emails to school and everything every 5 mins about various things....but it just shouldn't be bloody happening should it....!!!!??

My friend (who was previously my DS headmistress at a previous school and she worked wonders with him back then) and we became firm close friends has suggested I get this ball rolling and apply to the independent school....that in her opinion this is what should have been happening....she is 'pissed off' (her words!) that my DS and so many other children have to be put through this 'waiting to fail before real help is given'....she doesn't think I should wait....

I'm thinking.....what to do and what evidence will really support this...will they want to see more time and evidence from the HS first....I don't know....?????...I'd hate to go this way now and fail to secure it...and maybe not get the opportunity again or something....

I've started the ball rolling on applying for specialist provision....shall I start a new thread?
I'm definitely needing hand holding and support...and lots of advice...

New thread title... 'applying for specialist school provision for DS' ...and I'll put it in SN area
xx

just bumping my thread...please help me...I think I'm drowning here....see my new thread...

I hope someone can come along soon and talk to me...feeling so alone and lost