People who don't understand

[elliejjtiny]

This week someone from toddler group posted on facebook about people with blue badges parking in the p and c spaces and how they can't have needed the space as they didn't have wheelchairs and how she was going to park in a blue badge space next time and serve them right . She got one reply (mine) nicely explaining that blue badge holders are entitled to park in the p and c spaces and why not go shopping in between tea and bedtime as that's what we did before ds2 got his blue badge and we had a 3 door car and rearfacing car seat. Then she got a load of replies from people agreeing with her. I knew there were ignorant idiots around but I always assumed most people my age and younger knew about disabilities that don't require a wheelchair and that disabled people need those spaces more than able bodied mums.

Then I had to explain to my mum that taking DS2 on a muddy walk through the woods would not be a fun idea when it would involve me pushing him there in his wheelchair. Also explaining that I couldn't just get a SN mountain buggy free from wheelchair services and I wasn't going to buy one because he hates buggies because people assume he is a lot younger when he is in one. I seem to be forever explaining that certain things just aren't practical with DS2 like taking him somewhere that isn't wheelchair accessible without DH (He will tolerate going in a back pack carrier if we pretend it's a motorbike but DH has to carry him as he is too heavy for me) or doing anything remotley tiring 2 days in a row and it's not just me being negative. I'm hoping she will understand in time but as he has been disabled since birth and is now 4 I'm not holding out much hope.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

I totally get what you are saying. I think the best one from my mum was while I was looking at clothes for ds a few years back and her saying 'you need to make sure he looks smart as he gets bigger so he looks more normal'
I feel for you. I once had a complete stranger walk up to ds, while he was in his major and said to me 'teach this kid to speak english not chinese!'
DS is non verbal severe asd!

- at both comment at toddler group and speaking english comments.
Although just in general, it never ceases to amaze me how total strangers can feel free to give 'advice' on just about every topic - usually very loudly in public places.
Just realised that DS does give his opinion very loudly at strangers sometimes - such as 'why do you think that man over there smokes - doesn't he know it's going to kill him?' - but his are more statements than advice

I was offered music therapy for DS but couldn't drive so called up taxi companies for a quote, hoping for a batch deal.

I'm convinced their quote was higher than usual when they found out what it was for and because of ds' SN and not one failed to point out to me that if DS had special Needs then the LA would fund his transport to music therapy!

Er, no!

We didn't go.

Gosh, how rude!

I kind of get the 'smart clothes' one. I wouldn't want my DS2 to look like he's been dressed by his mum, IYSWIM. I would prefer him to be dressed age appropriately, but that is unlikely to be 'smart!' In fact, it's more likely to be in some horrible teenage fashion that I hate. I'm fairly lucky that he has an older and younger brother who can tell me and tell DS2 if he looks terrible. I have this stereotypical image in my head of a teenager in a checked shirt and tie with a 'nice' tank top on. But I have to admit that my idea of nice clothes may be just as bad as that to a teenager.

I get what you mean about the clothes Ellen. My DS has this tendency to not dress 'properly' - but by that I mean that he pulls his trousers up so high - almost giving himself a wedgy - trouser length is then a bit suspect. Everything else is a bit hit and miss too - he seriously looks like he dresses in the dark. I consider pointing out these facts to him as part of his social training for the future.
I'm not the fashion police though - I don't pick his clothes for him - just tell him that he needs to wear them in an acceptable way!

The muppet from toddler group is a TWAT. I'd defriend her, you don't need to read shite like that.

As for your Mum, I'm really sorry she doesn't 'get it' - she may never - but you might find as your DS moves out of 'toddler' age she 'sees' it more and understands a bit better? Can you not ask her to do the pushing/lifting/carrying etc required on one of her 'fun adventures' then she might see how bloody tiring it is.

I'd offer you but it's a bit early, so I'll stick with a but you can keep the for later x

ellen ds was just 4 at the time and was completely unable to dress himself.

Thanks everyone for being so understanding. Toddler group mum has now been blocked. Auntevil my DS1 likes to speak his mind too . He pushes DS2 around in his wheelchair and says cheerfully to bus drivers "you have to let us on the bus, it's the law". We get the tutting too. DS2 doesn't have any behaviour problems or asd but he has the kind of overtired tantrums that most children get. I don't know why but a lot of people expect him to act like a little angel because he has a physical disability.

Keeping, there's not many 4 yo boys who aren't dressed by their mum, I suppose!

DS1 loudly tells people off (including us) for buying alcohol!

My hardest one has been explaining to people that, no, the boys can't play with their kids in the back street. Even if DS1 overcame his social phobias and disdain for their children for long enough, he'd soon be off etching shapes into everyone's cars. DS2 would just run away.

Just looked at facebook and there is a post from someone else saying they parked in a disabled space because there weren't any p and c ones free and then had a go at an elderly couple who had a blue badge when they challenged her. What is wrong with these people .

I don't think people know just how strict the blue badge criteria are.