the programme on bbc4 has made me worry for the future- lone parent with asd ds

[redhappy]

I watched as it was broadcast last monday and when it finished I just felt numb for the next 24hours. After speaking to people, friends family etc, I've pieced together what was wrong.

The previous day ds had hit me several times, twice in the eye, and once on my mouth and my teeth and cut my lip inside. It freaked me out a bit but I pushed it to the back ofthen my mind. He is almost 6 and getting very tall now. That was the first time he had overpowered me.

I find it absolutely impossible to judge his future, but he is doing well in mainstream school.

But what I'm really worried about, is how long I've got? There is no way he could live with his dad. So what am I going to do when he starts to really be a lot stronger than me physically? I had considered him to be relatively high functioning. But after seeing the 2 little brothers on that programme I realised how in his own world my own ds is. His eye contact is a lot less than those 2 boys, his attention is very poor so a lot of the time he misses what is being said to him as much as struggling to comprehend and process the language.

I don't know what my question is really. I just keep getting tearful everytime I think about it. I think part of being a lone parent is that the responsibility lies totally on you, and that feels like a heavy burden at the moment. I want to know what people further down the line are doing. Those of you with older dcs, what if your child is too high functioning for residential care, but has become too much for you?

The worst thing for me is feeling helpless - so long as I feel I'm being pro-active in managing a future potential situation I can cope.

The priory group has several residential schools for Asbergers/HFA teens ; )
They are private so the only way for your non-lottery winning lone parent is via a statement and probably a tribunal. BUT they do exist, and children like yours attend! There are others, run by other groups but the LA won't even tell you they exist lest they be asked to pay. You have several years in which to research them

We don't know what the eventual sen system will look like with all this pathfinders nonsense at the moment or even which gov will be in power when the time comes. What we do know collectively as a board is that to get anything for our kids you have to be
a/ prepared to fight hard!
b/to have evidence in black and white to build your case.
The above won't change!

At this stage all you can do is get into the habit of keeping a copy of EVERY bit of paper/correspondance or meeting minutes you have about your child. I'll never be a natural filing clerk, but I do have a policy of never having a phonecall that could be done by email & of following up every phonecall with a quick email to confirm what was said.

In the meantime look up courses like ambitious about autism - they do ones that look explicity at challenging behavior. Teachers/TA's get to go on safe restraint training courses in every LA - push to be allowed to join one. (5 foot nothing nurses manage to safely restrain grown men of 6 foot 4 with the right training on pysch wards up and down the country - so it is possible to learn how it's done!)

DS is HF and attends a residential school (funded via a statement as bochead describes). I am a LP too and it's hard work dealing with it on your own, especially in situations like mine where exP has no contact. Don't assume that mainstream is the only option for the future - it might be the right option, but you cannot know that until you've explored all the possibilities.

Definitely agree that the key to getting further support (either through a residential placement or extra respite from SS) is to build up the case for evidence. Record instances of violent behaviour (take photos, seek medical treatment, keep a diary). Don't be afraid to ask for help - even if you don't get any initially, it will serve as a record of how long the situation has been going on for.

If you can't get on any courses on challenging behaviour, there are a lot of useful books which can give you the same information if you ever have a chance to sit down and read (look up Jessica Kingsley publishers).

No advice redhappy, but I am in the same boat and also felt really scared and upset after watching the programme on BBC4.