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SN children

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Original poster

what do you do when you just cant take it anymore ?

17 replies

thriftychic · 19/08/2012 16:52

ds13 has behavioural problems , still dont know the root cause. camhs not much good , seeing them again in september. but he continues to flip out and be really difficult. im scared of what might happen.
dp working long hours , nights away every week and our relationship is practically down the pan. when hes here were not getting on anymore . the house is like a crazy house , things broken including the people.
i feel ill , waiting for neurology appointment .
there seems no answer and no one takes me seriously when i say i just cannot do this anymore .
:(

OP posts:

creatovator · 19/08/2012 17:15

Sorry to hear it's so tough.

Personally I find somewhere that I can let off steam and I do something to help me relax and feel pampered.

I'm spiritual, so I talk to God too and ask him to help or send someone to help.

I phone someone that I can trust.

I get a babysitter and go out.

I come on here as the support is great.

I'm sure you're a great Mum and do the best for your dcs. I can tell because you're on here worrying about it. It's not your fault that your ds is flipping out. His behaviour is saying he's not coping with the situation at the time.

I hope it gets better soon. Sending thoughts.

Original poster

thriftychic · 19/08/2012 17:24

thankyou , i have found myself talking to god too recently.

i feel i cant ask my mum for help as everytime i do she gets as upset about the situation as i do and then says it makes her upset , stopped her sleeping , ruined her weekend etc she seems to think i should put a brave face on. always telling me about people she knows who can laugh things off. tells me all he needs is a smacked arse

my friend that i once relied on must have got sick of me offloading to her, shes got a new job and is having an affair and no longer has any time for me , has new friends .

OP posts:

Original poster

thriftychic · 19/08/2012 19:12

and why does my son say he feels that he doesnt love me ? he says it when hes calm and sometimes gets upset that he feels that way , HE gets upset .

he says he doesnt know why that maybe its because i tell him what to do all the time . he says he does feel love for his dad.

how can it be when i love him so much

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 19/08/2012 19:19

Sorry everything's so hard for you at the moment.

Something small - which might help a lot - are supplements.

Some people have had huge success with Behaviour Balance

In general it's very likely he's deficient in:

Omega 3
Zinc & Magnesium
Vitamin B6 and B12

If he is deficient in those, and you give him them, you will see some improvements.

Original poster

thriftychic · 19/08/2012 19:27

thanks , i have him on haliborange omega at the moment .

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 19/08/2012 19:44

Haliborange omega isn't a particularly good one. It's unlikely to help.

It contains more DHA than EPA. And you want the opposite.

The one I always recommend is vegepa. I think it's only available online.

Also cut out artificial sweeteners if you can (which Haliborange contains) - particularly aspartame

Mcblubber · 19/08/2012 21:03

I have started my DC on a dairy and gluten free diet.
The change is huge!
It came about to try and estabish the cause of abdominal pain but when dairy is given (3 tries now) the mood swings and irritability increase dramatically within a few hours.
We still get challenging behaviour but not so malicious and much more tolerant.
In retrospect we would usually have a good morning but by the time we left for school the tantrums, screaming, naughtiness and aggression would start.
We had milk every morning.
Not sure yet if wheat is causing any problems but abdomnal pain gone now too.

Original poster

thriftychic · 19/08/2012 21:04

ok , thats interesting

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 19/08/2012 21:27

Gluten free dairy free helped my DS too.

Gluten gave him stomach pains and dairy made him feel sick - but because he'd had that all his life he thought it was normal and never complained.

Infact I only found out last week he gets headaches, nausea and dizziness most days! I'm treating that with travel sick pills.

anniebear · 20/08/2012 00:39

tc I know how you feel, there doesnt seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel, nothing we have tried and been advised to try has worked , DD continues to have her times when she smacks her head on the walls, and screams and shouts at us

But it seems to be that no one can do a thing

sorry ,no help atall but sending lots of hugs x

coff33pot · 20/08/2012 01:33

With the love bit it all depends on how he portrays love to be. He may be viewing it as to love is to be nice to him and not tell him off or direct him to do things. If you are the main carer and therefore the one in the lead of things that might be why he says he "feels" he doesnt love you x

If he is getting upset then I suspect he does love you very much but that its a battle of wills with himself in not recognising his true feelings but comparing it with actions from others instead iyswim

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 20/08/2012 10:05

That's a really good point from coff33. What does he recognise as 'love?' Is it all quite materialistic in his head, if you buy him things, let him have his own way? Being 'nice' to him? He may not have the emotional understanding that giving him clear boundaries and making him do homework etc is also due to love. My (NT?) DS1 told me, when he was 10 or so, that he loved his dad more than he loved me. Dad did all the nice stuff with him, played games with him etc. I did all the nasty and mundane stuff, homework, cooking tea etc. It was very hurtful, but now he's 14 I don't think he'd say the same. Your DS may be at that stage still, especially if he has LD or is on the spectrum.

Original poster

thriftychic · 20/08/2012 11:20

anniebear , hugs right back at you . i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy . i feel heartbroken as must you x

coff and ellen , i think your right with what you say there. He loves dp because hes like a mate , going fishing and bike riding etc hes also at work loads and loads and doesnt get involved in school work , taking his medicine , making him have a wash etc etc thats me and yes i am always on his case because he wont do a damn thing i say and if i wasnt he would go unwashed , never go to school , be rude to people and on and on.

hes really selfish , he just wants everything his way all the time and just will absolutely not accept no. he goes out of his way to get what he wants .

he does karate and needed a new suit. the sensei ordered him one and brought it to the class a week later (we had endured the ' i hope shes got it' X100) the next class he was getting ready for we noticed it was faulty so text the sensei who told us she would order another and to bring that one back. so, ds needed to put the old one back on.
he was beside himself because he couldnt wear the new one and he wouldnt wear the old one . he was like what can i do what can i do . in the end he just refused to go. i didnt have a clue how to explain it to his sensei , i mean hes 13.
and this is how he is over and over .

he was assesed for asd and they say its not that and really all they seem to offer is talking sessions or anger management type stuff which is useless. i feel there is something wrong , maybe even adhd i really dont know.
he was crying saying why do i behave like this why cant i be normal and i had no answer for him.
i go between loving him and hating him for what he does to me , his brother , my house .
what if i never have the answer ?

OP posts:

Handywoman · 20/08/2012 12:35

do you think you need a second opinion re the asd?

HW x

littlelegsmum · 20/08/2012 14:41

Wow coff33pot you have just switched a light on in my head, with regards to dd and what she perceives to be 'love' . . I never notice things and always have to have them pointed out to me. Thank you, this would explain so much and why she "appears" to be so materialistic.

Walter4 · 20/08/2012 17:13

Hello thriftychic, I really feel for you, it's awful feeling there is something not right and yet no one understands/believes . My son has PDA . I really think, by reading your last post , that you should look into PDA, the PDA contact group is great. You may find it, like I did that your son ticks every box. PDA is not like most asd and lots of children are misdiagnosed,the methods used to help these children really do help, traditional behavioural methods make things a hell of a lot worse, pls take a look.

Original poster

thriftychic · 20/08/2012 21:52

thankyou walter , i will certainly check that out . my ds is definately materialistic , he often gets obsessed with how he can get the money to buy something , he just has to have it , drives everyone crazy and then a few weeks later its no good to him anymore .
his last big meltdown all occurred because i wouldnt allow him to use dp ebay account to sell all his top of the range fishing gear , hundreds of pounds worth that family had contributed to for his birthday.
he does not see that i love him , he is always saying i dont show him love when i do all the time .

OP posts:

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