How can I boost dd's self confidence?

[Lolaismyfavouriteandmybest]

EVERY time I ask her to do ANYTHING she bursts in to tears and says she can't.

It's driving me nuts. I think her confidence is low but my attempts to praise her and motivate her are clearly making things worse.

How should I be handling it?

Here is my 2p worth. But please, it's all subjective and this is just my opinion. And also I don't know your DD, you do. So if I've got it all wrong either tell me so, or just ignore me :)

Do you use realistic praise or false praise? Ie do you only praise her when she has genuinely done something good?

If you over use praise or use false praise she won't believe you even when it's the truth.

It's far better that you just talk to her about what she's doing than praise everything. Ie what are you building / painting / doing? Why did you choose the red paint / block? ...... Just have a conversation with her. But don't tell her how good it is.

Then only praise her if she has done something amazing. Then she'll start to believe you mean it.

If she bursts into tears and says she can't do something say 'let's do it together.' then together decide what the very first step is (ie bring her coat from the peg) then get her to do that....

She may be telling you she can't do something because it's too much for her to handle in one big thought?

I'll try to explain what happens with DD, and see if this has any resonance with you...

Ask her where her shoes are, if she's got them yet? - 9/10 times she'll say 'i don't know where they are' without thinking.

She is a 1st time refuser - her instinctual response is 'no' because there are too many thought processes for her to manage.
She might be watching TV for eg, and start to search the screen for her shoes (this HAS happened), or she'll look at her feet and not imagine she needs shoes. She might not be aware we are going out in 5 mins...she has learnt to use an excuse of not being able to find them to mask her inability to move away from the activity she is doing.
She does the same when she's asked to tidy up pens etc.
Her 1st answer is 'I need help' - what she means is 'I would like you to sit beside me and tell me where the box is because when you say 'pens' all i can think about is 'pens'.

Indigo is right about false praise though, our DCs are not super great because they managed to go upstairs to the bathroom by themselves (another flash point chez Chartered) but they are amazing as they've had to think 4 times as hard to process the action.

hth - if not feel free to ignore and i hope someone else can help you better than i..again to echo Indi - all our DCs are different, we have to trial and error

lola, does your DD have a dx?
DS1 uses 'I can't do it' as a default position like falsestarted says. My DS isn't ASD, he's dyspraxic, SPD and hypermobility. He has problems putting the request into action. It's a defence mechanism.
I would also agree that most children know when they have done a really good job, so when they have done an 'ok' job, they know you're being ott.

Thanks for all the replies, dd has ASD and a VI. I don't think I over praise.for ages dd couldn't accept any praise at all so I've had to be very careful how and what I praise, I agree that it's a default response to things that she thinks will be difficult and I don't mind if she gets things wrong. (although I think she minds). I value the effort she puts in more than the end result. And get very frustrated with her when that effort is zero.

I'm clearly getting things very wrong at the moment but I can't accept giving up if she thinks things might not be perfect as something I can ignore

Should also say she has long standing issues about accepting help and me offering to help (in the least confrontational way I can manage) usually triggers a tantrum and more often that not gets me hit. She can accept help from people at school though. My mum (who stalks her at school! So sees the difference in behaviour) says its because she wants to do everything perfectly for me to get my approval but I really don't know what i've done to put that much pressure on her