problems at playgroup with other children

[bonzaii]

ds is 3 and half and as made some excellent progress over the last 6months, hes started interacting abit more with other children, the problem is when children take somethng from him or take something he's playing with that he's put down for a moment he is lashing out big style so i am having to remove him because the tantrum is so bad but i feel like i'm punishing him when he originally had something taken from him so hes hard done by tice but he cannot carry on like he is?.

it's got to the point now a few children we know are taking from him to get that kick off reaction from ds and get him in trouble a fair bit tbh but they are only 3 so can't really blame them, type of thing, i saw one of them offer him something he was wanting back then snatch it away before he had chance to get it and taking something from him then running off with it but i couldn't be sure if ds had popped it down a moment. then my best friends child he constantly takes from him, he constantly touches him pull him, flicks him because hes after interaction from ds i think.

im trying to teach ds what to do in situations but hes just losing it, with others hitting him he as learnt to come to me and tell me or other kids parent and he does! i know it sounds a minor problem but i don't want to stop going because ds gets on very very well with one of the younger children there

It's a difficult situation. The problem with always removing him is if he is like my DS if he didn't want to be in a situation he would lash out at other children as he knew that was a quick exit strategy. My DS has ASD and the only way I stopped it was last summer taking him to places he really liked and if he hit out he immediately left, which made him understand hitting had consequences. He is now 5 and understand this is not acceptable.

My DS is older than your DS. Don't stop socialising him as much as you can. At that age lots of children find it difficult. I don't know if you child has ASD but visual pictures were good when he was younger. No hitting, stop etc.

thanks for the replies, when ds is upset he convinces himself he doesn't want xyz even if its the best treat in the world, he doesnt generally hit other children anymore but if i didnt remove him during a tantrum they would get hurt from his actions of throwing ect he will lash out at me though daily

originally when children took from him he use to just sit with an arm out and cry and scream with fingers wriggling and legs kicking... when he was like this i use to take him by the hand to the child who'd taken it from him and ask the child for it back this went on for a good 6 months maybe longer....

in nursery he was reacting this way and they where just taking the toy back and giving it to ds... the tantrum escalates literally in a second, playing nice to throwing massive toys and tipping chairs, i tried "come tell mummy if anyone takes anything an i'll try get it back" with best friends child when round at mine we had a bit of progress, friend told my ds to get the toy back, her ds backs down straight away and hands it back, tried this at playgroup and it was a big mistake he chases the child but stays a distance away from them with arms out crying then sets off or becomes generally aggressive for hours.

im going to playgroup tomorrow and i think im just going to shadow him, he doesn't particularly like me playing with him but somethings got to give, any suggestion, anything im doing wrong... long ramble about something so minor i know but he starts a new school soon an dreading this situation without me there! i can see the hurt on ds's face