BBC4 tonight Monday 13th August. Documentary on Autism. Growing Children.

[LottieJenkins]

My mum is away but rang me to tell me it is on! Looks interesting!!!

Of course you can "discipline" a child with autism (not in the same way as a NT child though I take a more 'adapt your response' approach in my work with children with sen/sn). I feel great sympathy for that mum but also slightly frustrated.

Children with autism can learn. They just need different methods of teaching to learn. Disciplining children is just teaching them what is appropriate/inappropriate. So, children with Autism can be taught to modify their behaviour, if the parent/teacher knows how to teach them.

mumoftwo I noticed that, I think she's just really overwhelmed. My ds can get aggressive like this, but I grab his wrists from behind so he can't (does that make sense?). I felt really sorry for her, I think her body language could help her a lot more. But actually, her body language, the lack of assertion in her voice, to me it showed how truly exhausted she must be.

Zane reminded me of Dd3 when she started in reception

redhappy I know what you mean with sheer exhaustion, the number of times people have tutted and some have been really harsh with me. Trust me, I do a lot of disciplining.

Looking at the website now and it's surprising how much of it also fits my very much ADHD (not diagnosed yet) DS. But it all seems very mild so is that what people mean by ASD/ADHD?

Should've suspected since DH's cousins and their DC are autistic, he himself shows signs of it although he denies it. Big sigh..

Yes the Mum of two looked like she has never had any good quality advice or support. She talked way too much. Question after question. Really brave of her to go on tv.

DS rarely gets aggressive now because he knows there are consequences. And never self harms. But only because we have such consistent boundaries that run right through the day and he gets the same approach at school, at home, at therapy and with respite carer. We happen to use ABA but I think its so rare that children get really really consistent messages all day every day from everyone involved that causes a lot of the problems. We are really lucky to have good support, it has made all the difference. I could easily be that Mum. Sometimes I come close to being that Mum, but rarely these days.

Children with autism still grow up and learn. We go on days out with lots of children with autism and DS at 5 is the most fidgety. I notice the older the children are, the more chilled out they are.

I think it was a real, balanced look at it - without the sensationalism of Louis Theroux. I also think it had quite an upbeat air about it.

I agree with 14 month regression - DS lost his speech and his ability to use cutlery at the same time.

I wept when Zane was crying outside school- exactly what we went through with dd1.
When he said he didn't like the people and the noise, it was heartbreaking.
I thought it was a balanced, well made documentary.
Loved Michael- his book was fab

I have just ordered Michaels book from Amazon. I think Dd3 will love it.

When they were looking at the picture it reminded me of Dd3's SALT assessment when the SALT asked her what she thought the boy in a picture was thinking about she said "How am I supposed to know"

I loved the bit where Michael said the GSCE english paper said 'write about the humour in this passage' and as he didn't find it funny he wrote 'there isn't any'.

Yeah, Agnes, I loved that comment, too

Agree that Jake and Zane's mum looked so all at sea, like no one's ever given her strategies or a framework to use. Really hope she gets some support now.

When Zane was crying outside school, gosh he was so articulate and expressive and she was saying, 'no, you do like school' as he wailed 'I don't, I hate it'; dh was crying a bit and said, 'so who exactly is it who's supposed to have the social communication difficulties?'

Half the time, it's us, isn't it? And not judging in any way, I've so been there.

That used to make me feel sick post, my lovely daughter sobbing her heart out and I used to say"You will have a lovely day, or I am sure you will be doing some thing nice today"

All the time she was really struggling and couldnt really tell me even though the tears and tantrums should have been enough.

We are the same here Ineed - not enough language to articulate but DS screams and cries before school. I hate leaving him and have this horrid know in my stomach all day.

I honestly dont know how I would cope with two of them, so I have real empathy for that Zane and Jake's Mum.

I thought it was a good programme. My dd 13 Aspergers always insisted on going to school even when ill but my youngest DS 5 is really anxious and Zane reminded me so much of him it had me on the brink of tears. My DS doesn't articulate why or kick or scream but just goes so quiet and withdrawn and since the early transition to year 1 has had days where he hasn't spoke at all.

The parenting advice we were given was to try to not focus on people's feelings but more on the rules of a situation. As dd was 13 we had already found we were doing this. At times we feel like we are constantly on her case but she's the stereotypical "give her an inch and she'll take a mile"! I really felt for the mum with the 2 boys hitting her and did wonder if Zane was copying Jake's behaviour thinking that's what you do! Very interesting.

Just watched it on iplayer, I felt for Tony's Mum so much.
DS2 sits somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but the supermarket ear holding, noise & upset was so much like ds2 until a couple a yr or so ago.

Communication is definatly the key IMHO, ds2 still doesnt have the communication of Zane or Jake for example, but as his communication has improved hugely so has our ability as a family to manage daily life.

Their description of Zane as a baby is exactly my son ds 2 who is 2 and we got told he does not have autism last week . Well I know he has aspergers . I expect it's a matter of time and evidence will prove me right as he is like Zane and like ds1 but worse . The dr caught him on a good day . This programme was good made me know I'm not going mad and it is not just my boys who get aggressive and can't cope with school and that head and eye rolling spinning and flapping as a baby isn't nothing . Also was sad and depressing seeing the parents suffering

Seeing Tony reminded me that what's cute in 6yo DS2 wouldn't be so cute when he's 15. DS2 isn't nearly so globally severe, but he does all the jumping about and shouting and screeching just the same (just in a higher voice) and I can understand why she gets him to bed early. It's just impossible to gather your thoughts together with it going on all the time.

And I agree that Zane and Jake's mum seemed exhausted. She mentioned that Zane didn't sleep properly at night, so that can't help, but I definitely wanted to shout at the telly "too many words!" About the extent of my conversation with DS1 when he's wound up about going into school is "stand on your feet." "walk." "walk NICELY." "Have a lovely day or else!" "Remember to eat your lunch without a fuss or else you'll be hungry all afternoon." because we know he hates a lot of things about school and there's no sense in hashing it out and increasing his anxiety immediately before he goes in.

Thought it was a very interesting programme and am going to recommend it to family to watch. Michael made me smile and sounds so like DS1, DS is having a very hard time at moment so this was encouging, going to order the book!

DS2 is more in the middle like jake and zane. Think the mum was exhausted, it is very difficult to get balance between discipline and acknowledging behaviour which is part of the autism but I am hard on my boys when needs be! It is a constant balancing act.