I Think The Scales Have Fallen From My Eyes A Bit.

[insanityscratching]

I've always felt that dd's autism isn't that noticeable probably because in comparison to ds it isn't to be fair.This holiday though, I can't work out whether it's becoming more obvious as she gets older or whether because ds has been Mr Chilled I've had more thinking space to watch dd. But there's no denying that she has autism and it's definitely not invisible which leaves me worried for her as she gets older .

Dd has undoubtedly benefited because we had ds first so was born into an autism friendly environment so the supports were in place before she was even considered to have any difficulties.

I also think that my view as to what's typical is a bit skewed and rather than comparing her alongside eldest dd when aged 9 I tend to compare her to ds and so she compares more favourably on an ASD viewpoint but perhaps I should look from an NT viewpoint.

I feel a bit shaken by it tbh as though only now seven and a half years after she was diagnosed are the implications hitting me. I've spent so much time celebrating the fact that she has exceeded everyone's expectations and her diagnosis that I haven't really considered who she currently and actually is. I have a feeling I have probably short changed her in terms of support and meeting her own individual needs.

So those of you with girls did it become more obvious from about 9 or with the first signs of puberty (it seems we're getting that kick in now) and did it level out a bit once the hormones calmed down?

Don't get me wrong dd has still been kind and considerate and well behaved and there's been no emotional outbursts but her dialogue and posture is decidedly odd and her observations awry and it's all more noticeable now.

I actually feel as though I need to learn about autism all over again but with dd's difficulties as the perspective rather than using strategies based on ds's perspective.

Oh I don't know I just feel really confused

Hi, my dd (4) is the youngest of 2, so didn't wasn't in a ASD friendly environment, and for us, when compared to NT child, she is noticeably different.
But I also believe that ASD girls are better at hiding some of the behaviours. I was adamant at first that dd wasn't as typical as she actually is, because she does try to be sociable and she can play imaginatively. Although on closer analysis it is a "learnt" behaviour.
I think perhaps for you, because the strategies were already in place, you have met her needs up til now. but with different prepubescent hormones kicking in now, you're seeing how she differs from both her siblings.
I believe that there are slightly different strategies for asd girl teens to boys, and you are right in trying to learn these.

Dd3 is also 9 and was only dx'ed last year after a 3.5 yr battle.

Her difficulties have become more noticable over the last couple of years.

She does have emotional outbursts and doesnt care where she is or who sees it. She can appear to be rude as she is very pedantic and will correct people although that does tend to be mainly close family.

She is sociable but picky about who she will socialise with and is not one of those kids who will make friends on the beach or in the park.

She needs downtime and is not subtle about when she has had enough of people.

Having said all this she can hold it together at school most of the time.

We have had a funny couple of days this week because I told her about her Dx the other day and she has been interestingly autistic ever since. It is almost as if she is not attempting to hold it in at all and I have seen some behaviours that I normallly associate with her being very stressed which she might well be.

I still think there is not enough written about girls with autism although I have read a few interesting bits and pieces over the years.

I wonder if it's her age then? I've spent much of the last two weeks asking myself has she always done that? why haven't I noticed that before? why haven't I done something about that?
I've also spent a lot of time mourning I suppose the child I thought she was and getting used to the child she is. I subconsciously never quite believed she'd be NT and so her diagnosis never really hit my radar whereas ds's knocked me for six even though I'd spent six months knowing the assessments were just going to confirm what the paed said at his first appointment.
It all feels a bit new and a bit raw today

My dd 13 was only dx'd in Feb and it is glaringly obvious now! She was always hard work at home but had a social face for everywhere/everyone else until she went to comp and then it all went pear shaped. She has so many difficulties no one can believe it went un noticed for so long. I had no idea about ASD and assumed as she was fine elsewhere must be behavioural.

It turns out she has traits of ADHD/dyspraxia, impaired motor skills, dyslexia, SPD, auditory processing difficulties low muscle tone and hypermobile jounts! It turns out we parented her the way you would parent an ASD child without realising that was what we were doing which enabled the coping skills elsewhere. The bad behaviour at home was because she was having to cope elsewhere. She went into shut down once at comp as she couldn't handle the environment.

My dd profiles PDA and has what we call "cocktail party syndrome"! She has great superficial social skills but they have no depth. It's all small talk. As she's got older she cares less about fitting in which is another reason why I think it's more noticeable to others than it was before.

I think sazale hits the nail on the head insanity, the way you parent your Dd has enabled her to get by in the world without standing out too much.

If you are anything like me you preempt difficult situations and act before things go pear shaped.

For me the difficulty has been Dd3 coping with trips out with "friends" and invites for sleepovers.

She desperately wants to go but finds it so stressful sometimes. I encourage her to go if she wants to but make sure she and the other parent knows that if she says she wants to come home I will fetch her, whatever time it is.

We have found this holiday really difficult, she has been really hard work and is especially challenging to her Dad, I know this is because she doesnt know where she stands with him, so she wants to control him.

Because we have had some of the worst behaviour ever in the last few weeks I decided that the time had come to tell her about her Dx, in the hope that we could talk more openly about her difficulties.

Try to be kind to yourself insanity, this will pass and you will carry on parenting your lovely Dd.

Take care and eat chocolate