Dyspraxic stepson seeming toddler-like

[WaitingForMe]

Eldest stepson (7) has recently been diagnosed as dyspraxic. It's great news for us as we knew something wasn't right and now he's getting the help he needs. One thing we have just learned is that is fidgeting is down to exhaustion and he's going to have physio to work on his core muscles so he can sit properly with the other kids at school.

So there's this big list of symptoms and we can accommodate his needs; mostly simple stuff like pausing the TV and insisting on eye contact before we speak to him.

But there are a few things not on the list and I'm wondering whether they are common to SEN children, like responses akin to coping mechanisms due to the challenges they face.

He's very bright (did well in SATS, reads for pleasure and can discuss quite complex subjects) but still throws tantrums and sucks on his hands/puts things in his mouth. He's started licking his hands to clean them and earlier I heard a funny noise and went into his room to find him sucking on a Lego model.

DH and I have responded to the tantrums by staying calm but when he gets worked up send him to his room to calm down. He's allowed to come out as soon as he wants and this seems to be working. I think he just gets overstimulated and needs some quiet. He looked quite upset when I told him not to suck on his Lego but couldn't say why he was doing it. I didn't tell him off but possibly my face was a bit as he was lying awkwardly in order to manage it and well, it is odd isn't it!

Is this normal or should we be asking whether he has a related anxiety disorder? The tantrums remind me of a lad with aspergers I used to know but my stepson is very empathic and in tune with those around him (he laughs at me and says it's ok when I do something stupid as I'm pregnant).

My dyspraxic 9 year old is very similar. He also has Sensory Processing disorder - which is often co-morbid with dyspraxia.
A good read is The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz. It's good for explaining why some have out of odds sensory responses - such as licking and mouthing ( a reflex babies are all born with, some do not lose easily).
The book will also show you how dyspraxia and sensory processing are linked.

Thank you so much! I'm actually in tears at someone knowing what I'm talking about.

What help did they offer you when he got his dx of dyspraxia?
We got virtually nothing, and tbh, I've had to fight for all help.
The book I suggested is a good one as in certain places you will think 'oh, so that's why he does that' - which doesn't make it less annoying, just makes you understand why he can't help doing it. It also has a few suggestions as to how to manage.
OT have been the best support for us. He had had a little support from them when first dx, but then as he was making good progress, they discharged him . I ended up doing a parental referral. After a long wait, as he was known in their system, they decided to do a SIPT test (Sensory Processing and Praxis Test). This covers elements of dyspraxia, but also deals with sensory issues and other aspects such as visual tracking. It has given me a much better idea of specifically what areas he has the most difficulty in - so exercises (sensory diet) can be tailored to areas of greatest need, and those that will do the most benefit.
There are a lot of different therapies as well. Some are private - you'll see info on these in various threads on this board. The NHS has given us Sensory Integration Therapy. We've done one set, and are waiting for the next lot.
One of the things I am going to buy from seeing its use at these sessions is a hammock. The motion is ideal for my DS to calm him down. I use his gym ball for not only exercises, but to get his focus and attention. These are what work for my DS, but each child will have different activities that will stimulate and calm.
Lots of us around too - have you been on the dyspraxia foundation website to see if there is a group near you?

Thank you. The school picked it up but DH, his mother and I had been talking about something not being right. The school has been great, had it just been his SENCO I don't think we'd be as happy. As he starts primary in Sept there has been a handover and the primary seems really committed to supporting him. Things like his writing slate helped enormously.

We've only just had the first hospital appointment (while it took the GP a while to assess, his teachers just got on with things) so we're right at the beginning of the process.

I'll start reading up on the forums (and the book once it arrives). I'm not his primary carer BUT I am far bolshier than my husband or his ex If we need to go private for some therapies then I'll find a way.

I think I need to find some like minded people as well. I'm a pretty calm person but it can get infuriating. He got a little sore of the side of his mouth from continually sucking on his hands then whined about it. When his brother was doing that aged two we just pulled them away, tapped the backs of them and said "no." But you can't treat a 7 yr old like that! I got visions of just putting him in a straightjacket earlier How awful is that?

We've all been there
At home I do sometimes treat my 9 year old like a toddler. I often find 'the look' is enough when we're out - enough for him to know that he is doing something that I don't approve of - even if he can't remember what it is
Please find a local network, it doesn't have to be dyspraxia as such, lots of SN groups exist (possibly surestart centres, local sports clubs, beavers etc). What you find is parents who understand that life isn't quite the same. You don't get the judgy looks and you meet people that you normally wouldn't meet. One thing for sure is that most of us have developed a bolshy side - we've had to. But along with the bolshy comes a wicked sense of humour

Try getting s dad to strip him off, put him in the bath, then give him a good firm towelling afterwards. Ds1 finds this so relaxing