Don't know why I thought it would be any different

[littlelegsmum]

We've come away for a week, to wales. We are staying in a caravan and it's been so awful. Dd went off without telling us the other day - and turned her mobile off, we were moments away from reporting her missing. She's so oblivious and although she's 11, she only acts around 7/8. She doesn't understand the consequences at all. It's rained every day, apart from that awful day with dd and we can't do anything or go anywhere as she completely controls the situation - I'm exhausted.

Ds has been hyper, banging, running off, shouting, screaming, winding his ds up constantly. I just want to come home but dh only takes one week off per year. We sit here every night, exhausted, not talking to each other and I hate the effect it may have on us as a couple.

Sorry for the moan but didn't know where else to turn

What a shame, i really feel for you.

My 2 Dd's have constant squabbled the last 2 times we have been away and nearly driven us bonkers.

I feel lucky that Dd3 loves to be away and although she is still hard work she is generally not too bad.

Sorry you had such a bad time

I really sympathise. I remember well a nightmare holiday with ds about three years ago when we were virtually housebound as his behaviour was so awful. I made a promise to myself then that things would be different next year - it was we went away on our own for a few days instead! Fingers crossed it improves a bit for you.

I found the last couple of years really stressful with holidays too. So this year, apart from a long weekend to see an event that DH and all the boys love (yes, had to fake enthusiasm at first - but did get into it at the end), we're not going away.
I used to live for holidays, but this summer, with no holiday to plan for, no stresses and expectations, I feel really relaxed. I am not missing not having a holiday.
I know we'll go away again at some time, but this summer it's stress free.
I suppose I'm saying that if you feel that you have to go away each year, if that is stressful, take the stresser out and just relax (when you can) at home.

Thanks all for your replies, advice and reassurances. For the past few years we've been abroad so it's taken the stress of weather away for my dd. they just seem to get worse, or stand out more as they get older - guess that comes with the territory.

Zzzzz thank you for the idea about dh and I. We do always stick by each other through everything but we are both fed up with the situation it could be making is feel on edge more - love the idea though and will try that!

The weather is looking good so far, so here's hoping for a good day today :)

Thanks all for being here for a moaning mum :)

Whereabouts are you, is there a MNetter that can come and babysit so you & DH can go out for lunch or dinner?

For us it's 'acting like a normal family' that ruins holidays. cos we aren't one. We're a SN family and 2 fingers to the rest of th world.

Ignore the rain. Just get wet and carry on as if sun was shining. If kids whine, you and dh whine louder. Puddle jumping, rolling in mud, doesn't matter. They may carry on being dreadful but hopefully the sheer black comedy of the situation will mean you & dh are less ground down by it.

Beaches in the rain are fab - it clears other people away.

Not sure where you are in Wales, but this surf school does lessons for kids with SN. Might be worth doing to rescue the holiday (and if you're surfing it doesn't matter if it rains).

I think you're right maria. DH tries too hard for things to be like NT families and finds it hard to accept that it just isn't going to happen. Good advice.

Aaaarrrggghh. Blooming Internet connection.

Thank you for more replies. I think I'm used to acting according to FC needs. However dh is the one who can't adjust and expects hols to be like your 'average' family. Maybe this has made him realise what every day is like for me.

Sorry, I really didn't explain myself very well. Dd is terrified, and has a genuine fear of the rain/wind/thunder and breaks down as soon as it starts. She can't control it and doesn't matter who is around. She gets a stomachs ache and needs the toilet too :(

I'll have to look at the surfing link. Thanks for that.

I don't know what that surf school is like btw, but they're a Surf Relief network school and the network school we use is absolutely brilliant (and I've met the guy who runs another surf relief network school and he impressed me as well). There aren't many network schools so I would imagine they're good iyswim.

We now have holidays "sorted" but that's only because we had years of mistakes that we learnt from. So like Mariam we don't try to be an NT family on holiday we are more for taking what works from home on holiday instead.
We always rent a cottage in a very quiet and isolated spot, we get one as big as we can with an enclosed garden and wifi. We transport the things that make ds happy so laptop,dvd's, ps3, his bedding.
We build periods into the day where ds can be "at home" these usually coincide with periods when it will be busy so we eat out mid afternoon and we hit the beach early evening. We go to cinema and bowling like we do at home with ds dd does more things but with either me or dh (usually me) whilst ds chills back at the house.
It works now, ok they aren't the most thrilling holidays but we all get time doing things we like and it's not that stressful anymore.