Potty training 1.) potty is too small+low down for tall dd? 2.) Can you do it gradually or does it have to be 'no nappy' and stay in for weeks

[osospecial]

Hi I would like to try potty training dd, she is 3 in september but will start school after xmas (we live in wales so earlier here) I havnt tryed yet as she has speech+understanding problems (possible asd or similar) and I didn't think it wld be fair if she can't even say 'potty', however she is a good visual learner and will show me what she wants/needs by taking me by the hand. I had2 try get a urine sample the other day+so got the potty out, I noticed when she wanted to wee she crossed her legs+held it as she was aware she had no nappy on (this is what has made me think she may be ready) I just have a few issues that I'd like some advice on before I start if anyone can help please
1.) She doesn't seem to like sitting on her potty and looks incomfortable as she is big for her age anyway so the potty just seems too small. Our toilet is upstairs so can't go straight to that. Does anyone know if these more expensive pottys in argos etc that look more like a mini toilet are higher up, or what have you found that is good if you've had this problem?

2.) Do you have to go 'cold turkey' no nappy? I work and will not be able to stay in for a week/weeks to do it, childminder will help but I was hoping I could try and introduce her to it gradually and just start doing it for a few hours in the evening for a while first, has that worked for anybody else pls?

#uncomfortable

we went straight to the toilet eith dd1, as she was so tall (she was a bit older though - 4+)

we also kept nappies on in the beginning, and aimed to take dd1 at times when she was generally weeing anyway, iyswim? but then she was regular, just had issues with using the toilet.

once she was used to sitting on the toilet, we did move to pants - but again, dd1's issues were not to do with awareness or control, but to do with not knowing how to 'let go' while on the toilet - she would hold on all day, then wee between 5 and 7pm. without fail (she had issues with drinking at the time, so would only need to wee once a day). all this made the part time approach possible for us.

does your dd tend to be regular in her habits? it might be possible to approach this from a regular, set times perspective if so.

DS was straight to toilet. With ASD has transition and generalisation problems so didn't want to succeed with potty to just have to through it all again.

He wasn't regular but drank loads. We stayed in for 3 days taking him every 20mins or so and then ventured out, taking plenty of clothes and wipes. I treated all accidents as uneventful. Just clean up and move on. Obviously we did this during the summer.

We did a potty (mini loo style) first, which with hindsight was a mistake. We went back to square one when we moved on to the loo. What did help was a special loo seat with a mini loo seat inside the lid, which you put down on top of the main one to make a smaller hole so DS didn't feel like he'd fall down the loo (we has balance issues which made the big loo seat a problem).

The whole process has taken 9 months and we still have some accidents.

Another thing we did, which I regret, was let him wee in the garden on flowers, or on trees when out, as we preferred this to an accident. Now trying to stop this is a real problem... Obvious with hindsight, but didn't think at the time. I guess in another few months we will have cracked this too, but I wish I'd just brought a porta-potty and the multi-sized loo seat to start.

Another tip. When starting, do a spreadsheet noting all wee times by the 15 minutes. You'll soon see a pattern, then you know at what times to take them too the loo with greatest chance of success. Also reward, cheerlead, do anything that you think'll work to celebrate success along the way.

Good luck.

PS. DS has ASD, and we started potty training at 3.1 month.

If she is a good visual learner, then maybe get some PECS style pictures showing the sequence involved in going to the toilet - pulling down pants, sitting on the toilet, doing a wee, doing a poo, wiping, standing up, pulling up clothing.

I'd really recommend you get a "family" toilet seat as suggested by cjn - I think you can get them from Argos? (Not sure as DH ordered ours.) They do seem to make the child feel more secure. A step stool for them to rest their feet on also helps with security, and perhaps a small selection of books on using potties just to help cement the idea as you wait...

If she's tall, it's probably more comfortable to use the toilet, and it does save having to try over again.

Our DS trained for wees at 3.2, but we have ishooooos with pooing, and I can't rightly claim he's properly trained for that yet

We used one of these potty in a seat things to start with with dd and then transferred to toilet with mini seat and step after. If you can go straight to toilet it saves having to transition later though. Little potty sat was good as she was comfy and stable in it unlike the little potties. Went old turkey when at home and it took about a week to see any real progress. Had loads of help though from aba tutors or may well have given up as it was hard going. I think it depends a lot on sensory as well. Whilst she is totally dry in day we still have problems with poos.