Blardy families again!!

[Ineedaflippinmedal]

Was away at the weekend with Dd2 16 and NT her friend also 16 and NT and Dd3 9 with ASD. We were joined by Dd1 her Dd and her partner and his 2 Dc's.

Dd3 struggled to cope with so many people and was also tired. She was being hard work granted but she has ASD and can be worse.

She has lots of rules around eating but has quite a varied diet.

Dd1 often judges my parenting which winds me up considering she is spectrummy and was a right handful when she was young and still has issues.
Her partner had the bloody nerve to say "Oh, give her a week with me, I will soon sort out her fussiness!!!"

I was so angry I said "Do you not think we have spent the last 9 years trying to sort out her eating??"

They know she has ASD but they are always going on about what a pain she is. It is horrible for her and I just want to scream "She has fucking Autism"

Sorry to moan but I know you will understand

Rant over

That's dreadful...your DD will be aware of their disapproval and what not...no wonder it makes her more stressed out and upset...I don't blame her....
and so difficult for you too...biting your tongue I'm sure and just wanting to get home again and out of this situation...

My DS has difficulties with groups (3 or more) and always separates himself from where people are (under the dining table in the next room was his answer the last time we visited family)

our children are very sensitive to their surroundings and any people in it....if those people are holding any negativity at all...our kids know it and it's awful for them

I'm so sorry this happened for you both...it's very hard when it is family too. ((hug))

Shame that being an a*h**e and not understanding the concept of ASD can't be sorted out in just a week. for you

This is interesting. We have a DS1 & DD that are both older, with partners and each have a child of their own. They sometimes edge into critical of parenting regarding DS2, even though they know he has SNs.

I generally say something relatively blunt when they rumble a bit. Something along the lines of "If you can't be supportive, then just be quiet." I have no problems handing out a reminder of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," followed by a dark look.

I think if DD's new partner said something critical I think I would probably just fall back on the MN standard of "did you mean to be so rude?"

Thanks everyone, I am normally not bothered by family unhelpfulness but for some reason it did upset me.

I am finding Dd3 hard going at the moment and feel like no one is helping, she is so lovely but her sensory, emotional and social issues make things difficult for her and consequently difficult for those around her.

I knew the weekend would be a challenge but thought they might learn something about ASD rather than just judge my parenting.

Foolish I know.

I came on here to write a post then noticed zzzzz said pretty much everything I was going to!
We all know it's not down to bad parenting but I always feel my family looking down their noses a bit thinking I'm partly to blame for letting dd get away with things which they would not allow. I'd be glad if one of them said "give me a week ...." cos I'd likely reply "Bring it on...... lets see how you do with dealing with every little thing every minute of every day".
DH told me that me being an eternal optomist, I keep hoping for the best in people and that they will respond positively but after being let down so many times he thinks I need to not let myself open to these disappointments. I think he's right and I shall strive to do so, its hard when it's your own family though...... sigh.

Funnily enough fresh, I went out with a friend today who is a SALT. I told her what was said and she said I should have replied "Hang on I will get my diary and we can book a date!!!"

It is maddening isn't it how you think of all the things you should have said after the event.